Today’s guest post is by Diana Stevan.
Writing can be therapeutic when strong emotions trouble our mind. We can’t sleep, we can’t think straight, and we can’t get on with the joys of life.
I was a therapist for twenty-five years, guiding individuals, couples, and families and helping them deal with the pain that brought them into my office.
I’ve seen my share of personal problems: mental illness, addictions, post-traumatic stress, domestic and sexual abuse, family and marital breakdown. I know that being normal means carrying both good and ugly feelings inside.
We humans have a lot to contend with during our life’s journey. Each one is unique. And sometimes there’s nowhere to turn and no one to hear our story. And that’s where writing comes in.
Here are some ways writing can be therapeutic:
1. Straight Thinking
When you’ve been assaulted by someone’s words or deeds, writing down your feelings is a form of stepping back. Getting some distance. Some emotional distance.
By writing down your overwhelming feelings—those hurtful thoughts, the fear, the anger, the words that can get you into further trouble if spoken out loud, you can think more clearly about the steps you need to take.
Writing down feelings and experiences can do much to alleviate the pain. Not that writing is a substitute for therapy but it’s one way of getting the “garbage” out. It’s not unlike keeping a diary or a journal.
2. Sleeping Better
Going to sleep with troubles on your mind is certain to give you a restless night. Keeping a notepad by your bed gives you the opportunity to write down whatever is troubling you—before you fall asleep or even if you wake up in the middle of the night—so you can address it in the morning.
In this way, while you sleep, you’re keeping your worries off your mind. At least for a few hours. Sweet dreams!
3. Making Sense of Dreams
Have you woken up wondering why you dreamt what you dreamt? Whether it’s a nice but confusing dream or a nightmare?
By writing it down, you can begin to put the pieces together. Often what we dream is what is most pressing to us. By writing it down, we bring our unconscious to the surface. I love that about dreams; it’s another resource in life’s toolbox.
4. Dealing with Unfinished Business
How often have people left our lives—through death, dementia, or divorce or any other way—and we find we’re frustrated and sad because we didn’t get the chance to let them know how we felt when they were with us?
Writing a letter to your departed mother, father, child, or anyone else who was important to you is a way of discharging those frustrating feelings. Writing down what you couldn’t say when they were with you soothes the heart and softens the hurt.
I remember when my dad passed away. I wasn’t there when he died, and I needed to write him and apologize. It wasn’t the same as being there, but it did give me some relief.
5. Minimizing Conflict with Difficult People
As we go through life, we can encounter difficult people from time to time. They might be members of our own families or just acquaintances—these people who don’t listen or for whatever reason can’t hear what we’re saying. It can be infuriating, especially when they are people we love, people who bring us joy but also incredible pain by their actions and words.
Rather than confront them directly, which can lead to escalating arguments and possibly outright rejection, it helps to step back.
You can’t talk to anyone who is emotionally upset—so worked up that all they want to do is get their point across. Sometimes it’s better not to add fuel to the fire by arguing. Better to leave before the problem gets worse and write down afterward what you wanted to say but knew in your heart you couldn’t deliver.
Writing allows you to express yourself on paper and avoid a confrontation that doesn’t serve anyone, least of all yourself. It can prevent the situation from festering like an untended wound.
6. Healing Old Wounds
I find writing fiction very therapeutic; it can heal old wounds. There’s something about letting out your thoughts and feelings on the page and giving them to your characters, especially ones that are troubling.
Say you’ve had a difficult experience, and it’s still sitting in your craw. You can write it into a story or a poem or a song and discharge it that way.
I found writing my last novel cathartic. It was inspired by a work experience I had on a psychiatric ward. It was a challenging job that didn’t go as I expected, and I met with considerable opposition.
I left after nine months, but the system I worked in and the feelings I had stayed with me. I got rid of those troubling thoughts by giving them to my protagonist, a psychiatric intern. Though I wrote a fictional story, writing it was like wiping my hands off the hurt and disappointment that was weighing me down.
So, joy of joys, I used what I learned from that tough time and wrote a book and a screenplay, and at the same time got some relief.
7. Paving the Way to Better Relationships
All of us have had those times when a relationship has soured. And it’s not because either you or the other party are difficult by nature. It’s just life. Misunderstandings crop up.
Writing can help you prepare what you want to say to improve the relationship, whether it’s with someone at home or at work or elsewhere. Sometimes in arguments, what is hoped for gets lost. It gets lost because one or both of the parties involved is too busy blaming and not listening.
If you can write your feelings down, and then edit them so that you can express what you want to without blame, you’ll have a greater chance of being heard.
Rehearsing those written words, keeping to the script, can help you deliver a coherent story.
How about you? Do you find writing therapeutic? In what ways?
Diana Stevan spent over twenty-five years as a clinical social worker. She’s also worked as a teacher, professional model, and actress. and a sports writer-broadcaster for CBC television. Some of her many published works include her novels A Cry from The Deep and The Rubber Fence. She lives with her husband on Vancouver Island, in beautiful British Columbia. Visit Diana at her website, Facebook Author Page, and on Twitter.
Insights, advice, suggestions, feedback and comments from experts
As a former therapist with twenty-five years of experience, I have witnessed and guided individuals, couples, and families through a wide range of personal problems. From mental illness and addictions to post-traumatic stress and domestic abuse, I have seen the depths of human pain.
Throughout my career, I have come to understand that being normal means carrying both good and ugly feelings inside. Each person's journey is unique, and sometimes there is no one to hear our story or nowhere to turn. That's where writing comes in.
Writing can be a therapeutic outlet for strong emotions that trouble our minds. It allows us to step back and gain emotional distance. By writing down overwhelming feelings, such as hurtful thoughts, fear, anger, or words that could lead to further trouble if spoken out loud, we can think more clearly about the steps we need to take. While writing is not a substitute for therapy, it can help alleviate pain by allowing us to express our experiences and emotions.
In addition to providing emotional relief, writing can also have practical benefits. Keeping a notepad by your bed can help you sleep better by allowing you to write down any troubles that are on your mind before you fall asleep or even if you wake up in the middle of the night. This practice helps keep your worries off your mind while you sleep, at least for a few hours.
Writing can also help make sense of dreams. By writing down your dreams, whether they are nice but confusing or nightmares, you can begin to piece together their meanings. Often, our dreams reflect what is most pressing to us, and writing them down brings our unconscious thoughts to the surface.
Furthermore, writing can help us deal with unfinished business. When loved ones leave our lives due to death, dementia, divorce, or other circ*mstances, we may be left with unresolved feelings. Writing a letter to those who were important to us, expressing what we couldn't say when they were with us, can provide a sense of closure and soothe our hearts.
Writing is also a valuable tool for minimizing conflict with difficult people. Instead of engaging in escalating arguments or confrontations, writing allows us to express ourselves on paper and avoid unnecessary confrontations. It enables us to communicate our thoughts and feelings without adding fuel to the fire, preventing the situation from worsening.
Moreover, writing can help heal old wounds. By incorporating our thoughts and feelings into fiction, poetry, or songs, we can discharge the emotions that are still weighing us down. It allows us to transform difficult experiences into creative outlets and find relief in the process.
Lastly, writing can pave the way to better relationships. When a relationship sours due to misunderstandings, writing can help us prepare what we want to say in a more effective and blame-free manner. By writing our feelings down and rehearsing them, we can deliver a coherent story and increase our chances of being heard and understood.
In conclusion, writing is a powerful therapeutic tool that can provide emotional relief, improve sleep, make sense of dreams, help us deal with unfinished business, minimize conflict, heal old wounds, and enhance our relationships. It allows us to express ourselves, gain clarity, and find solace in the written word. Whether through journaling, storytelling, or letter writing, writing has the potential to transform our emotional well-being.
