Chapter 1: Calm Before the Storm
Chapter Text
Castiel sits, numb in his car outside of the familiar, unassuming brick building. He’s been here so many times, mostly just visiting, but on occasion when something horrible has happened this is where they usually end up. Today would more than qualify as the latter. His hands shake almost uncontrollably as he tries to get his breath, get himself under control for what comes next.
He’s spent the past hour staring at the sign out front, just installed last year with a new dedication from the town mayor. Castiel went to that unveiling with Dean, Sam, and Jess. Now, Jess is gone…and Dean…
f*ck, Dean is….
Absentmindedly, Castiel realizes he’s still wearing his scrubs from work. Staring down at Stitch’s ‘smile’ makes him want to break out in hysterical giggles.
Hold it together, Winchester.
The random thought kicks him back into gear, taking several deep breaths trying to calm down, not wanting to upset the pup.
Either way he’s f*cked.
He wishes he could rewind time back to waking up with Dean this morning, a moment that feels like it was decades ago not mere hours, the thought almost sending him into a breakdown again at the reminder of his husband.
Pull it together for Dean.
Slowly, Castiel climbs out of the car, walking towards the entrance of the Lawrence Police Department as he wonders where it all went wrong.
12 Hours Earlier
Castiel’s eyes are locked on Dean’s piercing sea foam green gaze, marveling at the hints of gilded gold as his alpha’s knot catches throwing them both gasping over the edge and into sweet oblivion.
He relaxes into Dean’s arms after he situates them into a more comfortable position to wait out his knot. Almost without thought, both of their hands land on Castiel’s growing tummy. Letting out a contented sigh and preparing to fall off into a well-earned sleep, he’s roused abruptly by Dean’s next words.
“We still getting dinner tomorrow after your shift?” He asks, adorable pout audible in his tone if not in his usually pleasant melted marshmallows and campfire scent.
The change in his mate causes Castiel’s green apples and caramel to sharpen with exasperation, “Days off aren’t a bad thing, Dean.”
“Yeah, but I miss you and all the kids, the other nurses…well most of them…” Dean continues to whine, undeterred by Castiel’s usual argument.
His alpha always complains as though days off work are literal torture, probably a byproduct of working almost constantly for so many years. Dean’s always there for everyone around him, including the patients at the clinic, but he rarely takes a moment to do a thing for himself.
Castiel practically has to force him not to schedule anything on his days off, reserving them for self care only. Based off Dean’s reaction the first time, he may as well have asked him to kill a puppy. At the time, he and Dean’s younger brother Sam found it amusing but lately he’s been running himself ragged.
Castiel just hopes his husband doesn’t go to similar extremes once the pup’s born, it’s exciting embarking on this new journey of parenthood together but he still has some lingering concerns. It took long enough to get Dean comfortable with the idea of fatherhood, he’d rather not have the alpha burn himself out trying to meet his own ridiculous expectations of how a father should be within the first few months.
The omega’s pulled out of his thoughts by Dean’s continued musings, thankfully having moved on from his pouting. Dean snaps his fingers, startling Castiel momentarily as he shouts, “Quinn!” to his immediate confusion.
“Huh?” Castiel asks, brow furrowing as he tries to parse out what has Dean so excited.
“Quinn, you know like Harley Quinn?” He repeats nuzzling into Castiel’s neck, and if that’s supposed to help him concentrate his mate’s the one who’s confused.
“I know who Harley Quinn is, Dean. You think I’d forget you in those booty shorts and pigtails last Halloween?” Castiel asks, the blatant flirting only increasing Dean’s assault on his neck.
Mmmmm
Reminding himself he does in fact have a long shift tomorrow, and since Meg called out he’ll be the only pediatrician in the clinic, Castiel responds to his underlying request, “You want to name our child after a comic book villain?”
“Hey! DC has the best villains, dude,” Dean shouts indignantly, always ready to defend his favorite franchise, softening he adds, “and I was thinking more along the lines of a strong take no sh*t omega, she may be a little misunderstood but she’s badass…” he continues rattling off reasons and facts to support his point, a common occurrence once you get him on the topic.
Castiel cuts off his train of thought, “Dean, and please don’t take this the wrong way baby, but it’ll be a cold day in hell before I name our child after a DC character,” he smirks at Dean’s shocked gape before adding, “Team Marvel all day, every day.”
And with that mic drop, Castiel snuggles deep into the covers, closing his eyes with every intention of dropping off to sleep as his husband stares at him in shock.
“Close your mouth and go to sleep, Dean,” he orders playfully, waiting until the alpha is pressed to his back before finally letting the sandman take him away.
*****
Cas wakes up briefly around what he thinks is midnight, patting the side of the bed he doesn’t find Dean but it’s still warm. Not unusual, the alpha sometimes suffers through bouts of insomnia and relocates to the living room so Castiel isn’t bothered by his tossing and turning. Padding into the kitchen for a glass of water, he hears distinct whispers coming from the living room. Curious and aware Dean hasn’t noticed his presence, he decides to snoop.
Dean’s hushed voice echoes in the dark of the room, “I thought I could do it, I really did but I don’t know…No, no you’re right if I’m going…What?…No I gotta do this alone I’ll probably head out around…Yeah all of it. It sucks but it’s gotta be done…Okay I will, I gotta go before Cas wakes up, okay bye.”
One side of a conversation doesn’t reveal much but what he’s overheard is concerning all on its own.
Is Dean having trouble at work again?
Awhile back there was a doctor harassing a few of the nurses and he’d taken a liking to Dean. As far as Castiel knows the man was transferred to another hospital but this is troubling. The idea that someones trying to take advantage of his mate has him seeing red but he forces himself to calm, not to react without all the details.
Making a note to ask Dean about it in the morning, Castiel quickly grabs his drink of water and books it back to their room before his alpha notices he got up. He’s just finishing off the glass, having filled it to the top accidentally, when Dean waltzes back into the room. He jumps slightly seeing Castiel’s awake before climbing back under the covers and pulling an already heavy lidded omega back into his arms. Between one blink and the next Castiel’s back in dreamland.
*****
The morning arrives with a bang as they’re both startled to wakefulness by Castiel’s alarm. He hates waking Dean on his day’s off but he’s too heavy of a sleeper for a lower volume to get the job done. Even now, Dean has to nudge him a few times to get him to actually open his eyes.
The urge to remember something he’s forgotten, just out of his grasp, dissipates once he’s fully conscious.
Dean leans over, pecking Castiel softly on the cheek before rolling back over, seemingly with the intention of going back to sleep. His alpha’s sleep warm and cuddly in the mornings and he’d rather not have to leave him. Castiel grumbles at the injustice as he shuffles his way into the bathroom to complete his morning routine.
Making a beeline for the toilet first, he narrates to the culprit causing his current predicament, “Someone’s laying right on my bladder, aren’t they?”
Castiel hears Dean snort loudly from the bed, apparently not agreeing with Castiel’s version of events as he counters, “Is it the pup or that tall glass of water you insisted on draining when you got up at 2 am?” He chastises, warmth suffusing his tone.
He rolls his eyes, flushing the toilet and standing to start the shower, “Were you saying something? I can’t hear you over the shower…”
When did he get water last night?
He hears Dean perk up immediately, asking in a sultry purr, “Ohhh, maybe I should join you then. Make sure you can hear me loud and clear…”
“Absolutely not, last time you made me late and Meg’s not coming in today so I have to be on time,” Castiel warns, chuckling at Dean’s groan of disappointment. “There’s always later…”
“Promise?” Dean asks. Castiel’s just about to continue their banter when Dean’s phone goes off, surprising at this time of morning. “Hold on I gotta take this…”
“O-okay,” Castiel calls out as he rinses the soap from his body, unsure of who could be calling this early.
He’s just decided it’s probably Sam, he works odd hours as a cop, when Dean returns to the room. It must not have been an emergency if the call was that quick so it settles his nerves.
His suspicions are confirmed when Dean speaks, “We need to do something to take Sam’s mind off of the anniversary…”
Castiel shudders and not from the water going cold, the sudden reminder of this particular loss hits him hard but he can’t imagine what Sam’s going through.
All he’s able to scrape together as a response is a weak, “Yeah, sure…” as he tries to keep his distress from filtering into his scent, no reason to worry his alpha.
He can’t believe it’s already been a year since Jess died, a year since he and Dean got the call to come to the ER. Since their colleagues had to tell them, before Sam even arrived, that she was already gone. The tried and true ‘we’ve done all we can do’ from familiar faces now filled with pity. A split second and a missed shot aimed at the wrong person and Sam lost his world.
Jess was a brilliant light in their lives for the short time they were blessed with her presence, and she will be forever missed.
Castiel steps out of the shower, drying himself thoroughly before walking back into their bedroom to Dean’s roving stare. Just as quickly as it shifted to melancholy, his scent boomerangs back to arousal as it usually does around his incorrigible mate.
Sadness momentarily forgotten, he begins to choose what to wear to work. The kids he sees throughout the day love his colorful scrubs, today he opts for Stitch, a crowd favorite. Laying them out on the bed, Castiel walks over to the dresser for underwear and socks.
“You’re sure we can’t…?” Dean begs, hopeful emerald eyes fixed on his omega’s every move.
“No, Dean,” Castiel immediately cuts him off before his resolve weakens, gummy grin growing on his face as he puts on briefs and socks.
It’s nice to feel desired, especially with all the ways his body has changed over the last six months but this isn’t the time.
After pulling on his scrubs and making sure to grab his wallet and keys, Castiel bends down over the bed, leaving Dean with a lingering kiss to remember him by.
“Dinner at 7. Don’t be late,” he teases, nipping at Dean’s bottom lip as he pulls away. “Oh! And remember to record your video for today.”
Their friend Anna suggested creating a video diary to document the days leading up to the birth of their pup, so they’ll have something to look back on. Dean took to it easier than Castiel thought he would, recording more videos than they probably need, but it’s cute.
“Dinner at 7, got it. Wouldn’t miss it for the world,” he murmurs, placing a hand over Castiel’s belly before he steps away completely. “Be good little pup, Papa will see you later.”
Flushing furiously from how sweet his alpha can be, Castiel finally makes his exit grabbing a breakfast muffin and banana on his way out the door.
Sliding into the driver’s seat of his Continental or the ‘pimp mobile’ as Dean likes to call it, Castiel makes his way through morning traffic to the hospital.
From the second he arrives at Lawrence Memorial he’s on the go. Meg, the other pediatrician usually on call, had a family emergency and had to rush out of town yesterday afternoon. That leaves a void only Castiel can fill but he isn’t intimidated. He’s had to deal with this and worse over the years, especially in the early days of the clinic when the hospital was still testing out the concept. He dives in, seeing patient after patient and only slowing down enough to respond to a few of Dean’s texts.
Around mid morning he shoots off a text asking Dean for his schedule so they can get back to Dr. Barnes to get their next ultrasound on the books. He doesn’t realize it goes unanswered until he sends off another, this time about Anna’s possible crush on their friend Vic. Sometimes Dean takes another nap after breakfast so he shrugs it off hoping to hear back before Pam leaves for the day.
It does start his inner omega wondering, against his better judgement, where the alpha could be. But mostly his mind is occupied with the possibility of their friends getting together, hoping for the best for the two. He and Anna have been close ever since she was hired a few years back as a nurse in the pediatric ward of the hospital. Castiel met Victor through Dean, he’s been with Lawrence PD for years and since half of the precinct is a friend of the Winchester’s they became close once Castiel mated into the family.
He and Dean have always thought they’d make a good match, Castiel just hopes they have an easier time in the beginning of their relationship than he and Dean did. The unanswered texts drift back to the surface of his mind as it edges closer to lunch with no response. Dean’s usually fairly prompt in responding so going hours without even reading the texts is, strange to say the least.
Hopefully he’s taking a nice nap…
After hours of agony and wondering, finally it’s lunchtime.
Dragging his tired body to the cafeteria, Castiel buys his usual PBJ and Sprite before plopping into one of the uncomfortable chairs and pulling up Dean’s last text. It was a stupid meme of a cat chasing a bumblebee but Dean knew he’d love it and that’s what makes him smile now.
His mind takes him back to the day he met the alpha, right here in this hospital almost seven years ago. He chuckles internally remembering their youth at the time, Dean barely legal to drink and Castiel just two years shy of his dreaded thirties. He’s sure it was a setup the way they both got assigned to the clinic but to this day Dr. Moseley swears she just had a ‘good feeling’, about how they’d take care of the patients of course. Still, Missouri gets a bouquet of flowers every year on their anniversary, a small thank you for not conspiring to get them together.
The thought makes him chuckle aloud as he nibbles on his sandwich, fully immersed in memories of the past.
In the beginning, Castiel couldn’t stand Dean and the feeling was very much mutual. The omega thought Dean was cavalier and co*cky while, according to Dean, he came across as cold and arrogant to the alpha. Dean’s saving grace was in the way Castiel saw him with the patients, he transformed into the biggest softy, he couldn’t help but slowly fall for him. Eventually, Dean realized he felt the same, asking Castiel on a date which turned to two then three and before they knew it they were happy and in love.
Two years later, now mated and married and a year ago Dean finally decided he was ready to be a dad, praying to the gods to do a better job than John ever did for he and Sam. With the antiquated designation beliefs Sam and Dean have alluded to John holding, he’s glad Dean doesn’t want to be anything like him. Castiel never had the displeasure of meeting the elder Winchester but he knew from the beginning Dean would make a wonderful father, it just took a little convincing. The first, and hopefully not the last, Winchester pup still has a few months of cooking to go but he and Dean are more than anxious for her arrival.
Castiel’s pulled back to the present from his daydreaming by a vibration from his phone. Hoping it’s Dean, he picks it up only to be disappointed by a reminder to set the very appointment he was texting Dean about in the first place.
Ughhhh
Seeing his response to the meme was read pretty much right after he sent it with no reply, Castiel decides to call Dean and make sure he isn’t breaking the rules. Knowing him he’s found some little old lady that needs help getting her cat out of a tree. Castiel smirks at the image it paints in his mind until he realizes Dean’s phone just rang through to voicemail.
Huh
Rule number two of the few rules he and Dean have in their relationship, always pick up in case it’s an emergency unless you yourself are having an emergency. The feeling of wrongwrongwrong building in his gut intensifies, setting off nausea that makes him glad he didn’t make it very far with his sandwich.
Don’t panic…there’s always an explanation.
Castiel checks the time, he has about ten minutes left in his break so he calls Sam hoping he has more information. The phone rings and rings until his brother in law finally answers.
“Hey, Cas. I’m in the middle of something is it important?” Sam asks, breathless and clearly busy at work.
Castiel hesitates, not wanting to bother Sam but needing to know, so he asks, “Have you spoken to Dean today?”
Sam chuckles, answering, “Yeah, said he had a date with Dr. Sexy and a meat lovers, why?”
Castiel heaves a deep sigh of relief knowing his alpha probably just passed out from a food coma in front of the TV. It’s happened many a time before.
“It’s nothing, he wasn’t answering so I got worried. Sorry to be a bother,” Castiel admits, wishing he hadn’t freaked over nothing.
“No worries, Cas. Talk soon,” Sam says before abruptly ending the call.
“Rude,” Castiel rolls his eyes fondly, knowing he’s probably going to be teased for weeks over this.
Checking his watch again he sees Sam actually did him a favor not lingering on the call, he rushes back to the clinic to finish out the rest of his shift almost worry free.
*****
Castiel’s been sitting outside of Tony’s Pizzeria for twenty minutes watching the clock. As soon as it turns over to 7:10 he knows somethings wrong. Dean’s punctual, has to be working at a hospital, and he would never go radio silent for this long under any circ*mstance. Castiel tried calling Sam back but he got his voicemail, the beta’s still on shift so not surprising but it didn’t help his mood any.
Deciding it’s probably best to start with the last place he saw Dean, Castiel turns his car on and heads for home hoping this won’t be one of those stupid scenarios where he pulls off just as the alpha’s pulling up to the restaurant.
Would be just our luck…
In less than five minutes Castiel’s back at their house, car idling in the driveway in the spot the Impala is usually parked in.
“Okay, so you’re not home…” Castiel murmurs to himself, one hand tapping the steering wheel in thought as the other holds his belly, “Maybe I was right…maybe you did just leave…”
He tries Dean’s phone again with no success, tipping his head back on the headrest for a moment before deciding to check inside anyway.
“Alright little pup, let’s go find Papa,” Castiel grunts as he leverages himself out of the front seat.
Sitting is always easier than getting up but he manages, making his way to the front door fully expecting to see Dean on the other side passed out on the couch with a pizza in his lap. He’s met with silence, complete and utter silence and an empty home. A shiver runs through him from head to toe as the realization hits him, he has no clue where Dean is.
His alpha is missing.
Pulling the hospitals number up first, Castiel makes a dreaded call. The phone rings a few times before Missouri picks up.
“Hey, Castiel I thought you were having dinner with Dean tonight?”
“Yes, I was supposed to but he didn’t show up. Did he pick up a shift or…”
They both know what the or is, has Dean or anyone matching his description shown up in the ER. Thankfully he’s saved from having to utter the words as he listens to Missouri check quickly.
“No on both counts, honey. Hopefully he’s just out somewhere with a flat and no service, have you called Sam?” She inquires, concern filtering into her tone.
“Yes, it went to voicemail but he’s working. I’ll try Charlie next,” he assures, landing on possibly the best person to call in this situation.
He ends the call with a promise to keep her updated. Just to be diligent Castiel tries Sam one more time, leaving a detailed voicemail of what he’s found, but gets a text back shortly after dashing his hopes.
Sam: Busy with an arrest, if I hear from Dean I’ll call. Don’t worry, Missouri’s probably right you know how he’s always driving those back roads even though we tell him not to. Just relax for the sake of my niece.
Castiel tries to listen to his brother in law but something just doesn’t feel right and he can’t help but feel Sam’s too distracted to notice so he follows through with the call to Charlie.
“Hey Blue Eyes, what’s up?” The alpha answers almost instantly in her trademark cheery tone.
He snorts a shaky laugh at the familiar nickname, failing at keeping his voice even, “Hello, Charlie. Have you heard from Dean today?”
Her voice immediately softens, “No, but I can try him if you want? Just hold on…”
Castiel waits as she switches over and tries his number just as he’s been doing since lunch, she returns shortly with similar results.
“Went straight to voicemail, what’s going on?” She asks, already switching into fix it mode.
Thank the gods for good friends.
“Today’s Dean’s ‘veg out on the couch’ day off and he told Sam he’d be home all day watching Dr. Sexy. But he hasn’t answered any of my calls or texts since lunch and when I got home he and Baby are gone…I don’t think he even ordered a pizza,” Castiel explains, eyes scouring the room as he realizes there’s no evidence of takeout here at all.
“And you’re sure he didn’t have any other plans today?” She asks, he can already hear her typing on her magical computer that no one can know about. “I can’t use the systems here at work but you know I got you…”
“I’d never ask that of you, not after Victor caught you the last time,” Castiel assures her, amused by the memory, “Remember ‘being friends with the chief of police isn’t an invitation to break the law,’” Castiel mimics their friends voice as Charlie breaks into giggles.
“Well he’s my boss, I’m not trying to get fired over here,” She responds, stifling her laughs as her typing continues in the background. “Benny’s giving me side eye, don’t make me laugh.”
Their lighthearted banter eases some of the pressure building in his chest, and a few soothing pats to his belly seem to help calm the pup down.
It’s alright little one.
“Okay, I’ve almost got something…” Charlie mutters mostly to herself so he places the call on speaker to make sure he hasn’t missed any important texts or emails.
The texts are still the same but his emails reveal something odd.
“Charlie…” he squeaks out, trying to get his friends attention as his heart rate skyrockets.
“Yeah, Cas hold on…” she pushes, typing rattling on in the background.
“Charlie,” at his more insistent tone she stops typing, he can tell he has her attention so he drops the bomb, “I’m looking at an email from four hours ago…all of the money we saved for Bali was withdrawn at an ATM earlier today…”
The money for the babymoon they literally just finished saving for last week. It’s someplace Castiel has always wanted to go and the timing seemed perfect. Dean swore he’d never get on a plane for anyone but Castiel and they’re both excited for the trip. His alpha would never take that away, not willingly.
Dread pools in his chest, rolling in waves through his body as fear for Dean grows.
Where are you?
“But Dean would never…” Charlie echoes his thoughts.
He nods, even though she can’t see him before responding, “Exactly…what did you find?” He asks breathlessly, trying so hard not to fall into a panic attack.
“The last ping for his phone was in the house, according to this he never left. Now, we both know that means his phone could have been turned off but I have no way to track him, sorry…”
Castiel lets out a mirthless, wet with tears chuckle, “Well since I’m sitting in this house alone that leaves us at square f*cking one…I’m sorry Charlie this isn’t your fault…”
“No, I understand. You’re scared and worried. Come down to the precinct and talk to Vic,” Charlie soothes, urging him to do what he already knew was coming.
“O-okay,” Castiel agrees, hefting himself off of the couch and back out the door.
“I’ll meet you out front,” she offers before ending the call. He’s thankful she didn’t bother with useless platitudes, this is a crazy world and Dean’s missing.
Where are you, Dean?
*****
Castiel walks out of the precinct thirty minutes later to the nonplussed looks of the investigating officers, Trenton and Walker. Victor’s sworn they will do all in their power to locate Dean but Trenton and Walker seem to think this is a case of an alpha with cold feet.
Charlie catches up with him just outside the doors, “What happened in there?”
“Let’s see…Trenton and Walker made disparaging comments regarding Dean and I’s age gap because there’s no way a ‘virile young alpha’ like Dean would want an ‘old desperate omega’ like yours truly,” he spits out, tone gone icy with his wrath, “then they moved on to the ‘hysterical omega’ defense stating I was just ‘blowing this all out of proportion’ before finally landing on Dean must have gotten scared of becoming a dad and just…left.” Castiel splutters, still unsure of what the f*ck just happened, “Victor’s promised to keep the case open but realistically they don’t have much to go on…and I may have handed them the one thing to run with this stupid f*cking theory…goddamnit.”
Castiel just resists the urge to kick something, more angry at the circ*mstances than himself but needing a punching bag all the same, so why the f*ck not.
Charlie holds her hands up, “What the frack are you talking about, slow down…”
“I over heard Dean…on the phone last night. I didn’t remember until they were questioning me but he’s been getting a lot of calls at odd hours, anyway, I told them what I over heard and now they think Dean was having an affair, stole all our money, and left me…does that sound like Dean to you?” He demands, fire lighting him up from the inside as he contemplates the idiocy of Trenton and Walker.
Charlie adamantly shakes her fiery head, green eyes squinting in outrage at the implication, “Hell no, he’d never do that to you! There has to be another explanation…”
Castiel takes a few shaky deep breaths, closing his eyes, coming to a decision as he speaks, “Look I know Vic told you and Benny you were too close to work the case but I don’t think I’ll be getting much help from those assbutts in there. Pretty sure they’d be happy if the case was closed…will you help me? I need someone I can trust and Sam’s too busy between the anniversary and work…” Castiel asks, knowing he’s putting a lot on her but he can’t do this on his own.
“Anything, Cas. Well anything within the bounds of what I can access but we all know I’m the Queen so, hit me with your best shot,” Charlie attempts to joke, though the shadows behind her eyes don’t hold an ounce of humor.
Castiel reaches out, somehow finding himself comforting her as they both breakdown together on the sidewalk outside of Lawrence PD.
Where are you?
Chapter 2: Haunting Shadows
Chapter Text
In the absence of truth, lies will spread.
And so, by the end of the week the 'hot goss’ around town ends up boiling down to Dean Winchester wasn’t much better than his father after all, tucking tail and abandoning his pregnant omega to fend for himself.
Castiel has no idea where they’re getting this ‘fend for himself’ crap when he’s the doctor in the marriage. He could dismiss the rumor easily if it wasn’t hindering him from getting tangible help finding his missing mate. Mrs. Butters from down the road actually patted his hand when he asked if she’d take a missing flyer and whispered, “It’s okay to admit the truth, honey. Just between you and me…” He promptly dislodged her arthritic claws from his arm and stalked off ignoring her promise to pray for him.
“I don’t need thoughts and f*cking prayers lady, I need help finding my husband,” Castiel growls to himself as he climbs back into the car. He lets his head drop to the steering wheel, trying to slow his breathing using the techniques Anna’s been teaching him.
‘Because a calm Daddy means a calm pup, Castiel!’
The omega’s supposed to meet the other ginger in his life at the hospital, the only people who seem to be taking Dean’s disappearance seriously other than his close family and friends. They’re allowing Castiel to take emergency leave until Dean’s found and Missouri personally guaranteed both their jobs will be waiting for them once he’s found safe. Her optimism along with Charlie, Benny, and Sam’s support is what gets him through. Anna’s going to help pack up his things and bring them back to the house.
If Castiel needs anything he has no shortage of people to call…but everyday without Dean is a struggle.
Where are you?
Dean’s been gone almost two weeks when Castiel finally gets around to watching the video he recorded for the pup the day he went missing.
It opens to his alpha, bathed in morning light propped against the headboard of their bed wearing his dorky ‘I was never in the closet, I was in the cabinet with the rest of the pans’ shirt. It makes Castiel giggle as much as it did when Charlie gave it to him two years ago. After making sure the camera’s rolling, he speaks and Castiel listens as tears run down his cheeks in twin streams.
“We won’t let your Daddy hear this,” Dean pauses, pretending to look around to make sure the coast is clear, “Good morning, Quinn. I’m gonna wear him down on that name because I just know that’s my baby girls name…”
Dean’s soft smile grows as he looks down, peering back up into the camera through his long lashes, bottle green eyes radiating unabashed joy. The sight takes Castiel’s breath away and arrests his heart. Such a change from the man who was terrified to be a father, this isn’t the face of someone who would just leave his family. He pulls Dean’s pillow closer, practically inhaling the now stale marshmallow and campfire scent wishing it was straight from the source.
“Let’s see,” Dean pauses, counting out on his hands, “In less than three months you’ll be right here in my arms…I promise to be the best Papa I can be…better than…” he stops, unable to get the words out.
Castiel watches as his alpha struggles, probably fighting some disparaging remark in his mind but, even in his continued absence, it warms the omega to see Dean fighting so hard for their little family.
“Right now you’re tagging along with Daddy at work, I can’t wait to see you both for dinner. I love you sooooo much babygirl,” Dean sighs blissfully, signing off by blowing a kiss to the camera.
The video cuts off, with no further explanation as to what happened to his husband after he stopped filming. This may not be evidence enough for Trenton or Walker but it boosts Castiel’s belief times a million, Dean had no intention of abandoning them. It may not contain the clues he was hoping for but it does solidify one thing, their baby girls name is Quinn, just like her Papa said.
“Hear that Quinny Bug? Papa loves you…so very much,” Castiel whispers, voice thick with tears.
Where are you?
“It shouldn’t have taken a month for this, Sam,” Castiel can’t help but snipe as they stand waiting for the press conference to begin. “If it weren’t for those two…”
Castiel gestures to Officers Cole Trenton and Gordon Walker, lead investigators on Dean’s ‘unofficial’ missing persons case. Vic tried, but his supervisor isn’t convinced this is a true missing persons, they’re allowing him to speak at a press conference naming Dean as a ‘person of interest’ but really it changes nothing.
Most of the town believes the lie, Castiel’s here today to tell their truth for anyone who’s receptive enough to hear it. Today could change everything, generate leads that could bring his alpha home.
Today represents the smallest glimmer of hope in what has been a wasteland of doubt.
“I know, believe me I know. It’s frustrating being on this side of things and still feeling f*cking powerless,” Sam commiserates, eyes watery and red ringed.
It breaks Castiel to see the evidence of the effects of Dean’s absence on Sam, his first pup if they’re being honest. It’s evident in the weight loss Sam tries to hide under his uniform, the bags under his eyes from sleepless nights.
Before he can offer further comfort, Benny’s at his side signaling it’s time. He’ll have to check in with Sam afterwards.
Castiel steps up to the podium with his notes in hand, leaning up to the microphone and immediately moving back as feedback whines, “Sorry…” he apologizes before continuing on, “I uhm…I thank you all for being here today as I make a public plea for my husband Dean Winchester to please come home.”
As instructed by Vic he directs his statement to the camera, as he would if he was speaking directly to Dean or, gods forbid, his captors, “If you’re somewhere safe, Dean please call me or Chief Henricksen and let us know. And if you’ve taken my husband, it’s in your best interest to release him before the police find you…”
Castiel wanted to say before he finds them and rips them to f*cking shreds but Vic didn’t think that would play well on live tv.
He’s probably right.
“Quinn will be here soon,” he chokes up, saying her name for the first time outside of their little bubble, “Dean needs to be there for her…for both of us. Thank you.”
Sam’s there, immediately pulling Castiel into his arms as he and Benny guide him off stage to break down in private. The press conference was meant to conclude with everyone helping to put up more missing posters around town but they’ll have to finish without him.
“It just feels so f*cking pointless,” the omega admits, “That’s only playing locally, without nationwide coverage no one outside of this area’s gonna care. He could be anywhere, Sam…”
Hopes deflated, Castiel allows himself to drift until it’s time for Sam to drive him home.
“We’re gonna find him, Cas…”
Even Sam’s reassurances are starting to feel hollow…
Where are you?
“Listen, it’s not personal, Castiel,” Vic attempts to soothe him, “It’s just…we can’t find his car and we know he’d never leave Baby anywhere. Which means he’s with his car, and potentially all the money he withdrew. We’ve got him on camera at the ATM, Cas…” Vic blows out an exasperated sigh before dealing the killing blow, “I’ve gotta put this one on the back burner and move my officers to other cases with active leads. I can keep working angles on my own time but my hands are tied in terms of department resources…”
Castiel hangs up before his friend can finish getting the words out.
“Everyone’s giving up on you, Dean. But not me…and not Quinn,” Castiel promises, getting the guest room ready for Anna’s arrival.
With a little less than two months to go until his due date, Anna offered to move in to help Castiel prepare for Quinn’s birth and as an extra set of hands afterwards. Initially, his twin sister Hannah was supposed to fly down but, since she up and decided Dean’s a thieving adulterer like everybody else, they’re not on speaking terms at the moment.
“We don’t need her, right Quinny Bug?” Castiel baby talks as he finishes fluffing the pillows on the bed. “Let’s go watch another video of Papa…”
Where are you?
“You can do this, Cas,” Anna urges as Pam coaches from between his legs. “Just a few more pushes and you can hold your little Bug.”
The omega focuses on Anna’s beaming smile as she brushes his sweaty hair off his forehead, his heart aches for there to be a different set of eyes staring back at him. Sandy brown hair, freckles like stars.
Swiping these thoughts to the side, he smiles tiredly and bears down to push one more time feeling a distinct release as Quinn comes into the world screaming in displeasure.
“I know little one, it’s cold out here and bright and you just wanna go back inside where it’s warm and quiet,” Pam soothes as she places an irate Quinn on his chest. She calms almost immediately to everyones amusem*nt.
Castiel’s too caught up in Quinn to hear anything else going on around him, “Hello, Bug. You’re finally here…” he muses, running a finger down her tiny cheek.
She pops one blue-ish green eye open at the attention before snapping it shut with a soft mewl.
“I can see she takes after her Daddy, you both have that grumpy cat look,” Anna teases as she watches them together.
“But she has Dean’s nose and his lips, look at them,” he gushes, hit once again with a pang of despair as he traces her tiny pout with his finger.
Castiel’s pain rolls through the room with his scent, filing the space with a fog of rotten apples, the sudden shift making Quinn start to cry. sh*t.
“Remember, calm daddy calm pup,” Anna coaches as he takes a few deep breaths. As he settles, so does Quinn. “There you go…”
Unable to hold it back, he blurts out, “He’s been gone four months and it’s like everyone’s just moving on…Dean wouldn’t willingly miss this…”
Anna nods solemnly at his side, “I agree, Cas. I just wish somebody who could actually do something would listen…”
Where are you?
Somehow he’s not surprised to find Sam skulking on the front porch after he comes home from Quinn’s doctors appointment.
“Come to finally apologize, Samuel?” Castiel asks, unable to keep the ice from his tone. He knows his alpha would hate that they’re fighting but his brother was out of line.
“Yes and no. I’m not saying I was wrong, No! hold on,” Sam holds his hand up, stopping Castiel from hauling off on him again for being an asshole, “I can understand where Vic was coming from, it does look bad, Cas. We’ve been looking for months and the last image we have of my brother is him withdrawing almost all of your money never to be seen again.” Sam huffs a confused sigh before continuing, “But…I shouldn’t have voiced those opinions in the way I did, and maybe not to you at all…so for that I’m sorry.”
In lieu of accepting his apology Castiel hands a very fussy Quinn over to her uncle. If Sam can survive an afternoon with his niece then maybe he’ll accept his apology.
“I need a nap and she needs a bath.” Castiel explains, unlocking the front door and gesturing for Sam to come in.
He wanders off without another word, trusting Sam to figure it out.
Where are you?
“Can you do it again for Daddy, Bug? Come on, stand up you can do it…” Castiel baby talks, trying his best to replicate the moment he just missed catching on camera.
Quinn’s first steps.
Turning the camera back around to face him, “Ok I tried, babe but she’s not going for it. I’ll keep this one anyway. Can’t have too many videos of our babygirl.” Blowing the camera a kiss he ends the recording.
And of course when he turns back around the little gremlin is walking across the room.
Where are you?
“Daddy, I’m scawed don’t weave me,” Quinn’s lips tremble, the first sign tears are on their way.
“We talked about this, Quinny Bug. Daddy has to go to work and you have to go to school but only for half the day, okay?” Castiel tries to soothe her, attempting to make the pass off to her kindergarten teacher standing behind them.
“But what if you don’t come back?” She asks, a look of pure terror on her tiny face.
Castiel’s brow furrows, this is new. He assures her, “I’ll always come back for you, Bug. Even if you’re just with Missy or Auntie Anna. But,” he attempts to divert her attention, “Ms. Johnson has to get class started soon…”
It’s another five minutes before they’re able to convince Quinn to give it a try at least for an hour or two.
“That was rough, Dean…” he whispers to himself as he drives off to work, feeling like he just left his whole world behind.
Where are you?
“Then he said I made Papa up,” Quinn laments, retelling the story of her confrontation with another bully earlier that day, “So I decked him and no I’m not sorry…” she finishes, crossing her freckled arms in defiance.
“And why did he say that?” The omega asks, not letting on he already knows the answer.
“He’s never seen Papa…” Quinn begins to explain, brunette ponytail swinging as she talks with her hands.
Gilded gold swirling with ocean blue and verdant green framed by long lashes. Constellations of freckles that multiply on sunny days. Bravery to speak her mind and passion to stand up for the little guy.
That’s our girl.
Castiel interrupts her, “Well, that can’t be true because I see your Papa in you everyday, Bug. He just doesn’t know what to look for,” he smiles as she flushes at the compliment, adding his required no fighting spiel, “You know I don’t condone fighting but I’ll give you a pass since you were defending our family…”
Something she’s had to do far more often than the average third grader.
Quinn fist pumps and he hates to burst her bubble, “But, you’re still suspended and you’ll be spending that time making up your schoolwork as well as completing a few short reading assignments to help remind you to use your words, not your fists m’lady.” He scolds, hopefully effectively this time.
“Ughhhhh, so close Dad, you were so close,” Quinn whines, wandering off down the hall to her room in a huff.
“She’s your child Dean,” the omega shakes his head, shouting down the hall, “And would it kill you to pick up your soccer cleats?”
Where are you?
“Quinn’s turning nine today, which is about how long we’ve been living without you. Sam’s given up, he won’t admit it but I know he has.” Castiel narrates to the camera in the early hours of dawn, the only time he gets to himself these days. “He asks, you know…how I know you’re still alive out there…that you didn’t abandon us. Those rumors shook him but not me…I know you down to your very soul, Dean…”
Castiel hears Quinn starting to move around in her room down the hall, “The birthday girl’s waking up, I’ll uhm,” he sniffs, trying to swipe the tears off his face as he finishes up, “I’ll record her party later. We both miss you and love you, Dean.”
The omega signs off with a kiss to the camera ignoring how much harder it’s getting to film these updates for his alpha, for a day that may never come.
“I hate that I even thought that, f*ck,” Castiel groans, pulling himself together just before he leaves the room to start Quinn’s special day.
Where are you, Dean?
Chapter 3: Tangled in Nightmares
Chapter Text
Ten Years Missing
“I’m not giving up Sam. And neither would Dean if it was one of us out there and you know it!” Castiel walks away in a huff to grab his shoes, intent on not spending another second in his brother in law’s presence until he fixes his attitude, “I can’t believe we’re having this conversation again…”
Normally he’d call his twin up and vent but Hannah hasn’t been receptive to any talk of Dean for years so he’ll skip the humiliation.
“He took all that money out, Cas. At what point do you admit he may not wanna be found? His biggest fear was ending up like Dad, of course he’d do the cowardly thing and run. I really wish I was wrong but I don’t think I am…”
Castiel tries to tune out his words but they’re creeping under his skin, awakening an underlying itch he thought he was rid of.
“It’s not healthy for Quinn, Cas,” Sam continues, as though he’s listening, “You’ve got Dean on this pedestal when we should just face it, he’s never coming back. Let Vic close the case so we can move on, we’ll have a memorial service…” he flashes his puppy dog eyes as if that’s supposed to change a thing, “this is killing me too, man…”
Castiel heaves a deep sigh, no matter how misguided his suggestions are right now, he’s still Dean’s little brother.
His Sammy.
“I understand why you think that’s what is best for Quinn, but I’m her dad and I don’t agree. I need you to respect my choices as a parent and right now I need space, please don’t be here when I get back…I’ll call when I’m ready to talk…”
Sam buries his hands in his face as he leans on the kitchen counter. The dismissal isn’t permanent, they both know that, but this isn’t the first time Sam’s crossed the line into being pushy, not helpful, and the omega feels the need to make his stance clear. He’s just glad Quinn’s over at Anna and Vic’s so she doesn’t have a front row seat to the latest episode of ‘The Dysfunctional Winchester’s Show’. Castiel continues to put on his shoes, exiting the house knowing Sam will lock up on his way out. Ten minutes later finds the omega at his new ‘happy’ place.
The mall.
It’s something he discovered on a day much like this one, he needed somewhere to process serious sh*t he was dealing with. Last time it was Quinn’s first crush, that had been unexpected and something he never imagined working through without his husband at his side.
His melancholic mood led him to seek out company that wouldn’t ask questions but would help him feel less alone, he drove around town considering stopping at his favorite park when the mall came into view.
Now he walks the crowded corridors, seeking peace but not quiet.
Castiel wanders around, watching happy families and smiling faces pass him by wondering when it’ll be his turn again. If he’s being honest, he knows he reacted the way he did because a tiny part of him has been whispering the same, growing larger since Quinn’s birthday last year. The voice is small, but it’s screaming for real answers, begging him to move on. His inner omega shuts it up swiftly every time.
According to them, his alpha will be home soonsoonsoon he just has to be patient.
Castiel’s starting to wonder if that’s his hopes made manifest to fool him or the real deal.
Only time will tell.
It’s been ten years, he’ll give himself a few more weeks.
Times like these he misses Dean in more of a physical sense, like a deep ache burrowing into his chest and radiating out from his heart before traveling throughout his body. That near constant pain has become the worst of companions, only soothed by surrounding himself with the people he loves. Today’s conversation with Sam dredged up more than just concerns for the future, his mind swipes through memories of the past longing for Dean more than usual.
Rounding a corner and nearing the food court his brain is so bungled he swears he can hear Dean’s bark of a laugh, smell his sweet marshmallows and smoky campfire as he shuffles past an old man and what must be his grandpup attempting to keep hold of an ice cream cone in their chubby little hands.
Momentarily he’s distracted by the cute scene before he hears it again, and the smell is stronger now.
That…sounded real…too real to be a figment of his imagination.
He knows that laugh, the same laugh repeated over and over on their wedding day, belted out in intimate moments and insane capers throughout their marriage and the years before.
It’s the very essence of Dean made audible.
Spinning around the omega begins to search the crowd before his eyes land on a sight that almost drops him to his knees.
Dean.
There’s no way to miss that sandy brown hair, those freckles, and unmistakeable bow legs.
The omega’s moving almost on autopilot as he runs over to his alpha, praying this isn’t a case of mistaken identity like the many times he thought he spotted Dean in a crowd before.
An occurrence that’s happened more often than he’d like to admit.
Dean startles for a moment when he sees Castiel’s approach, straightening up as though he’s going to be attacked as anxiety blooms in his scent, a stream of words escapes the omega’s mouth once they're face to face, “I can’t believe it’s really you, oh my god where have you been? Did someone kidnap you? Are you okay? How…”
The words slow to a stop when he clocks the lack of recognition on his alpha’s face, his next words rip the world out from under the omega’s feet, “Sorry, I just moved here you must have me mistaken with someone else…”
sh*t…
Approaching him like a wounded cat as his own scent takes a nosedive into rotten apples and burnt caramel, Castiel tries again as a lightbulb clicks, “Dean, I’m your husband and mate. You’ve been missing for quite some time…here look…”
He pulls out his phone, slowly flipping through photos of them ending with the most ‘recent’ of their wedding, he doesn’t want to startle the alpha with his pregnancy photos if he’s having any sort of memory issues.
What happened to you?
As he progresses through the photos, Dean’s shaky left hand reaches out before he pulls it back in. It stings to see he’s missing his wedding band but the picture beginning to form in Castiel’s mind may answer that question while adding so many more.
“No…I’m Sam Singer not…huh?” Dean peers deeply into his eyes, same gilded gold and green, before promptly crumpling to the ground and passing out.
It’s at that exact moment a brunette omega runs up with a small pup in her arms, yelling, “Sam!” Dropping to Dean’s side she turns venomous eyes on Castiel, “What the hell did you do to my fiancé?”
For his part, the tiny pup is screaming “Daddy!” loud enough to wake the dead.
No, everyone couldn’t have been right…Dean would never…
“Get away from us!” she demands, brown eyes gleaming with unconcealed rage.
Castiel’s dazed but without Dean conscious and able to give him some solid answers he’ll need to handle this like a doctor until he knows what’s going on.
“For the record, this is my legal husband and mate,” he clarifies to the distressed omega in front of him, “I’ll call 911 and we can sort this out at the hospital but he seems to have amnesia…”
He can tell the other omega is reluctant to move but it’s of little import now that he’s got his eyes on Dean again. Brushing past her, he moves in to take Dean’s vital’s as he pulls his phone out to make a call he had started to doubt would ever happen. He listens as his friend Donna thankfully picks up and gives her spiel waiting until she’s done to greet her.
Unable to hide his breathless tone, he responds, “Hey, Donna.”
“Castiel, is that you?” Just the sound of her voice fills him with a deep sense of relief, “What can I do for you, are you alright?”
“Yes, it’s me. Can you send an ambulance to the mall?
“Jeepers, are you sure you’re fine, hon? You don’t sound too good…”
“No I’m fine I promise, but…I found Dean…” he tells her in a hushed whisper.
Her reaction is immediate, “Holy mackerel, I’ll send someone right away. Is he injured?”
“Not visibly but he doesn’t remember me at all and he collapsed after I showed him photos of us,” he relays, fears beginning to catch up to him.
The unknown omega’s still hovering over him, she scoffs loudly as though he’s lying. He ignores her, opting to rattle off a few more details to pass off to the EMT’s on the way before ending the call.
“You’ve gotta be kidding me, there’s no way anyone’s going to believe this,” the woman laughs, but she’s in a crowd of locals who promptly shut her down.
“Holy sh*t, that’s Dean Winchester!” An older omega shouts, shock taking over her features.
“Ma’m he’s not lying they’ve been married for years, he’s been missing for even longer…” a stout beta chimes in from behind him, pointing out a fact he would have been just fine not hearing.
“That omega’s been looking for his alpha since the day he dropped off the face of the earth, I could never be with someone who’d abandon a pregnant omega,” an older alpha adds, staring the woman down until she looks away in shame.
“It’s not like that…” she stammers, eyes locked on Dean in a way that makes his blood boil.
His inner omega shouts nothersnothersnothers on repeat, it does nothing but egg him on to begin questioning her.
“Then what is it like?” Castiel finally asks, but his timing is off as the EMT’s push their way through the crowd to assist Dean.
Putting his questions on the back burner for now, he helps get his mate situated and into the ambulance. The other omega tries to follow but the EMT’s know them both, telling her spouses only and directing her to follow in her own vehicle.
She huffs in annoyance flicking hard eyes Castiel’s way before walking off, barely holding on to her pup as she hoofs it over to the parking lot and an older model minivan.
Definitely not something Dean Winchester would ever be caught driving, it must be her car.
He takes in every clue possible to help what will most likely end up being a reopened case by the end of the day if Vic's ready to take him seriously. Now that he’s moved up to his supervisors position there’s no one above him to shut down whatever comes of this encounter today.
On the way he checks Dean for identification, finding a Missouri license with his alpha’s photo but the name Sam Singer just as he’d mumbled before he passed out. Odd. He pockets it to pass off to Vic later.
Dean’s still pretty out of it when they make it to the hospital but they’re met by a wall of staff, gathered to witness the return of a beloved coworker and friend.
Meg runs up with Anna right away to envelop him in a strong hug, only then does he let a few tears fall.
“I knew you’d find him, Clarence,” Meg whispers in his ear, rubbing a soothing hand up and down his back. Things begin to move fast before Anna has a chance to echo the sentiment but he sees it in her watery eyes and small smile.
Missouri finds him as the stretcher’s rolled fully into the ER, “I’m sure you won’t mind if I dust off my stethoscope and handle Dean’s case myself?”
Castiel readily agrees, “I can’t think of anyone I trust more…”
Missouri shushes him, “You don’t need to say more, hon. I’ve got this, you just be there for your mate.” She gives him a quick side hug and a meaningful look before disappearing around the corner beckoning for him to follow.
Thankfully they have Dean in one of the more private ER rooms, instead of cordoned off open space there are actual walls and a door.
He’s left alone for the first time since he approached Dean this afternoon and his alpha still hasn’t regained consciousness.
Castiel approaches on shaky legs, reaching out to smooth his sandy brown hair off his forehead. The familiar gesture almost breaks him again, “Where have you been, baby?”
______________________________________________
Sam grabs Ben from the backseat of the new minivan Lisa insisted on buying once they settled into their new home.
“Daddy!” Ben shouts, running his toy truck along the armrest of his carseat. The soundtrack of beeping noises coming from Ben’s mouth follows them into the mall. The two year old tries to struggle out of his arms when he spots kids running in the opposite direction but he’s got a strong grip on the tiny tot.
“Nuh uh, mister,” Sam scolds, “We’ll go to the park later, right now we need to pick up new clothes because somebody grew again. Wonder who that was?”
Ben giggles as Sam assaults his tummy with raspberries, lifting him up in the air before Lisa inevitably scolds him.
“Come on, I want to get this over with before it gets too crowded,” she orders, stern glare fixed on him until he follows behind her and into The Children’s Place.
The next few hours are spent going from one store to the next, Lisa coming out with bag after bag yet only one of them is for Ben. Sam’s starting to notice things about his fiancé he doesn’t really like, but not many people would want an alpha with his background. Every time he comes to the same conclusion, it’s not worth losing his family over minor issues he and Lisa can work through.
Hopefully.
“I’m hungy,” Ben pipes up from Sam’s shoulders. “Pretzels, Pretzels!”
He begins to chant, wanting the snack he gets every time they visit the mall. Ben's enthusiasm causes Sam to bark out a laugh, knowing the pup gets his love for food from his Daddy.
“Not until after lunch, buckaroo,” Sam smiles at Ben’s giggles, unable to stifle another laugh as he turns to his fiancé asking, “Lis, can you take him? My shoe's untied, I’ll meet you over there.”
He watches for a moment as the omega and his pup walk away before kneeling down to tie his shoe. Standing a moment later his nose is assaulted by a familiar scent, but he can’t place it entirely.
Tart green apples and smooth sweet caramel…
Maybe one of Bobby or Ellen’s friends…or someone that came into the bar or garage…
Before he can pin it down an omega rushes over, standing in front of him breathless, his approach startles Sam and he’s unable to keep his anxiety out of his scent. He knows his eyes have gone wide as the dark haired omega proclaims, “I can’t believe it’s really you, oh my god where have you been? Did someone kidnap you? Are you okay? How…”
Sam can tell the omega’s the source of the scent, he can feel something pulling him towards the man but he has no earthly clue who he is. No surprise considering his history but it nags at him, he tries to force himself to remember, something he hasn’t done in years.
To stall he responds, “Sorry, I just moved here you must have me mistaken with someone else…”
Instantly, the omega’s face falls and it guts him.
Why?
The omega’s scent turns rancid but moments later his eyes light up brilliant blue for a moment, more captivating than Sam would like to admit, “Dean, I’m your husband and mate. You’ve been missing for quite some time…here look…”
Sam watches as the man pulls out his phone, slowly flipping through photos. He recognizes himself in the photos but has no recollection of the events themselves. He’s floored when the photos end with their apparent wedding.
Well that’s gonna be a problem…
Sam reaches out with a shaky hand intent on…what he doesn’t know so he pulls the offending hand back. The omega’s gaze lands on his ring finger clearly taking note of the absence of a band. His cerulean eyes dissolve with hurt once again, something Sam has no way to resolve since he’s kinda spiraling himself right now.
“No…I’m Sam Singer not…huh?” Dean peers deeply into his ocean eyes looking for some hint, anything to remind him of their apparent years together.
Who am I?
As the familiar thought crosses his mind, a sharp pain intensifies behind his eyes and everything goes black.
Chapter 4: The Drowning Silence
Chapter Text
Colors, bursting brightly across the sky. He watches, amazed at how something so trivial excites the little pup staring up in awe ahead of him. The night is muggy, and warm. Fireflies alight on moist blades of grass in the empty field, wet from an earlier summer rainstorm. The air smells of ozone and a slight breeze blows through his close cropped hair.
“This is the best night ever, Dean!” The pup turns and shouts, beaming grin fixed to his face and eyes glimmering with happiness. “…thanks for…”
“No chick flick moments, Sammy…” he responds gruffly, voice softening as he adds, “but I’m glad you’re having a good time.”
A feeling of contentment fills him but as he stands in that open field it quickly transforms into something darker, intent on erasing every good thing about this moment in time. He can’t shake it though he tries his damndest.
He’s Sam not Dean…
Who am I?
Within moments the dream begins to fade, replaced by the steady beeping of hospital monitors and the sharp stench of antiseptic.
The alpha tries to hold on to…something. It feels important but he notices a young omega hovering over his bed and the small yelp he won’t admit to ever making distracts him, allowing it all to fall away.
“Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you,” the unknown woman half whispers, “just had to make sure it was really you…”
He would really like to know why he’s here in the first place but before he can ask the woman’s eyes begin to fill with tears.
Feeling awkward for having to ask, he forges ahead, “Sorry, who are you?”
The woman hesitates before answering, “Alex, you were kinda mentoring me before you disappeared.”
“Oh,” he figured it was something like that, with the omega…no his husband, approaching him earlier. Trying to be sensitive he relays the bad news, “I’m real sorry…I don’t remember you…”
The woman blinks away her tears, waving off his apology, “It’s okay, I just had to be sure it was you. I’ll get out of your hair…”
The omega rushes out without another word and he stops fighting the lingering tendrils of sleep, drifting off again before he has a chance to ask any of his questions.
*****
This time, the alpha’s woken by sugary sweet caramel and juicy green apples. Mouth practically watering, he pries his eyes open to be met by wide electric blues.
The omega.
In his half asleep state, the alpha’s eyes search his features more thoroughly than he did in the mall. Dark brown hair with hints of grey at the temples, kind eyes framed by tell tale crinkles, plush lips currently being worried between his teeth.
The feel of a hand caressing his own pulls him out of the trance.
Pulling his hand away instantly causes the omega’s scent to sour, he rears back in the bed not wanting to give this man the wrong impression.
“I…I’d like to see Lisa please,” he asks, ignoring the flash of hurt and deepening rancid stench building in the room.
The man may hold the answers to questions the alpha’s has had ever since he woke up with no memory but Lisa has his child, right now that takes precedence. He needs eyes on Ben to make sure he’s okay.
The omega flashes him a strained smile, muttering, “Alright,” before swiftly exiting the room in a fog of despair.
The alpha’s left wondering if that was the right thing to do when a stormy cloud of Lisa’s usually bearable flowery scent glides into the room well before she comes into sight, pushing those thoughts to the back of his mind.
sh*t.
Before he can get a word out she’s griping, “They made us sit in the waiting room, Sam!”
His inner alpha, largely quiet for the last ten years, adamantly denies the name with a chant of notoursnotoursnotours.
“You knew when we got together there was a possibility of this happening…” he reminds her, annoyance slowly rising at the fact she hasn’t even asked how he’s doing.
He’s fairly certain social norms would dictate checking in on the person in the hospital bed before pointless rants, not after.
He was up front and honest with Lisa from the day they met, even showed her his mating bite and explained his memory loss. This move was her idea, she can’t get pissed at him that it just so happened to bring him home.
Home?
Shaking the wayward thought from his head he tries to make sense of what Lisa’s going on about now.
“Ben cried for hours, you know he does better with you…” she hands a now sleeping Ben over to him.
The pup automatically rolls into his side as he continues to dream.
Still, he can’t help leaning down to press a soft kiss to his son’s forehead.
“Missed you, buddy,” he whispers, the words punctuated by an exasperated sigh from Lisa.
“What is it now, Lis?” He asks, hopeful she’s not being this petty.
But she is, replying, “You didn’t say you missed me…”
Unable to hold it in any longer, “And you have yet to ask me how I’m doing. I passed out, Lisa. That’s not normal, for all we know I’m dying or something.”
Having voiced his worst fears, the wind drops from his sails as he slouches back in the bed, averting his gaze by fixing his eyes on their pup.
Lisa just stares, finally apologizing, “I’m sorry this was just a lot and Ben has been even worse than usual.” With a belabored sigh, she finally asks, “How are you feeling, Sam?”
This time the name sends a shiver of wrongwrongwrong right to his gut, instinctively he growls, “Don’t call me that…”
Taken aback, Lisa demands, “What the hell else would I call you?”
Of their own volition, his lips open and the name passes his teeth with full conviction, “Dean.”
Her face loses all color, reaction visible like she took a physical blow, “You can’t be serious, Sam. That omega could be lying…”
He cuts her off before another rant can begin, “It feels…right. The few people here that I’ve spoken to know me by that name,” thinking of his conversation with Alex he comes to a realization, “I guess I used to work here. Yeah, I believe him and yes that’s the name I expect you to use when you address me.” He scoffs in annoyance, “It’s not like I went through some elaborate process to pick Sam, and you know that.”
She finally agrees with a huff, “Fine, Dean…that’s gonna take some getting used to.”
Lisa squints, sniffing around Dean before her brown eyes go wide, “You’re starting to smell like him!”
Internally he groans, beginning to reach his limit with her hysterics.
“You’re imagining things, babe. I haven’t been around the man long enough to smell like anything but me, can you please quit it! You’re gonna wake Ben up and I’m not in the position to calm down a cranky two year old, we both know you’re sh*t at it…”
Fuccckkkkk.
He didn’t mean to say that last part, not out loud at least. Lisa’s not exactly a hands on parent and Dean’s wondered more than once why she even wanted kids in the first place. The bottom line is, Ben’s more attuned to Dean than he is to his own mother, it’s sad but true.
He just wants to be a good dad without feeling like a single parent for once.
Lisa’s eyes squint, mouth opening to dive into another rant but before she gets a chance the doctor finally enters the room with a knock on the door.
“Hello,” she greets them both warmly, “I heard you were awake. I know you don’t remember me, Dean, but I’m your and Castiel’s boss as well as a very good friend, Dr. Missouri Moseley,” she offers her hand for a shake even though he saw her aborted intention to hug him.
Dean’s beginning to get the impression he meant a whole hell of a lot to these people.
“Castiel?” Lisa asks, tone drowning in venom, “What kind of name is that?”
Dr. Moseley aims an icy cold glare her way. Lisa’s mouth snaps shut so quickly it’s practically audible in the room, without another word she begins to stomp out, leaving Ben behind but Missouri calls her back. With an audible groan, she turns at the door, snapping, “What?”
“Due to the extent of Dean’s memory issues, he’ll need to be released to his closest relative which unfortunately is not you…” Missouri informs her, barely keeping a smirk off her face.
Lisa cuts her off before she can finish, smirk dissolving as the glare returns with a vengeance.
She hisses, “You can’t tell me I can’t leave here with my own fiancé!”
Dean snaps his mouth shut, he was on the verge of voicing his opinion, that it feels right to go home with Castiel. To be in the environment that could trigger something, anything, leading him back to who he really is.
But Lisa’s tantrum does what it was engineered to do, shuts him up.
“Look, Lis. Its hospital rules just come back when they release me and we can all talk about this together,” he offers, thinking the solution is a good middle ground.
“Fine,” she snipes through clenched teeth before completing her dramatic exit from the room.
Missouri turns back to Dean, eyes flushed with warmth once again amazing him at the quick shift.
Don’t mess with this one, noted.
“Your mate, is named after an angel. He’s a pediatrician here at the hospital, you both work in the clinic under me,” Dr. Moseley answers Lisa’s question from earlier, even though she’s left the room.
“A doctor?” He asks, immediately intimidated.
Dean was working as a mechanic back in Missouri. Bobby found he had a knack for it and it was easy work that could be paid in cash. Dean hasn’t found a job here in Kansas yet so everything had to go under Lisa’s name, a fact that still feels off to him. With this news, he’s not sure what’s going to happen and that sends a trickle of fear down his spine.
“Yes, honey. And you’re a damn good pediatric nurse, you do very well with the pups in the clinic,” Dr. Mosely explains as she does a few checks on his vitals.
Dean doesn’t know what to say to that….a nurse? Sure he’s great patching up a booboo on his own pup, a scraped knee or elbow and he can always get a smile out of him after but that doesn’t encompass the knowledge and training he had to have dedicated himself to to become a nurse.
A link in the chain of saving lives in this very hospital.
Wow.
“I can see I’ve stunned you a bit,” she says with a light chuckle, “I’ll let you decide how much more you want to know and the rest should honestly come from Castiel, not me,” the omega says, jotting a note down on his chart, “Now I’d like to have a bit of a difficult conversation. Is it okay if Castiel comes back in for this?”
He nods, watching as Missouri goes to the door, beckoning the omega back into the room.
Dean would be more interested in his entrance if his fears from earlier hadn’t returned with hurricane force, nervously he squeaks out, “You’re gonna tell me I’m dying aren’t you.”
“No, boy, what in the world would make you think that?” She asks, exasperated amusem*nt clear on her face before dropping back to a more professional demeanor. Castiel stifles a chuckle from the chair next to his bed as Missouri continues, “It’s about your memory…I know you have questions and I’m here with answers.”
He audibly sighs in relief, glad her news isn’t a death sentence. Ben wriggles next to him but stays asleep thankfully, Missouri smiles down at his pup before raising her head to speak again.
___________________________________
It’s bittersweet watching Dean with…his son, Ben. Quinn didn’t get this, sure she had Castiel but she’s spent almost all her life wishing for her Papa to come home. He’s positive this isn’t quite what she prayed for. Castiel definitely didn’t ask for his husband to come home engaged to another omega.
f*ck, this is such a mess.
He tunes back into the conversation as Missouri explains to Dean what they spoke about in the hallway.
“We call what you’re suffering from Psychogenic Amnesia stemming from PTSD it’s also known as Dissociative Amnesia. Essentially you experienced something so traumatic your mind blocked it out, but the strength of that trauma caused you to lose all of your memory not just of that specific event.” She pauses, giving Dean a moment to process what she just said.
“Is…is it permanent?” Dean asks, eyes shadowed with fear as his face pales.
“Thankfully, no. Your memory can return with time but there’s no way of knowing how long it will take or if you’ll gain all of it back. I’ve scheduled you for therapy with our colleague Jody Mills starting as soon as possible, it can help the process along but I don’t want you leaving here with unrealistic expectations. This will take time, and a whole hell of a lot of patience.” Missouri advises softly, patting Dean’s arm.
It seems to startle the alpha out of his thoughts and Castiel wonders what Dean’s thinking, not for the first time today. He hasn’t had any real chance to speak with him beyond the brief interaction they had in the mall. Castiel hasn’t the faintest idea whether the alpha’s even okay coming home with him later today.
Feeling a bit overwhelmed, he excuses himself back out to the hall to make two important calls.
The phone rings twice before Charlie answers.
“Is it true?” She whispers, probably trying to make sure Quinn can’t hear her.
“Yes,” he gasps out on a shaky sigh, “It’s him, it’s really Dean. He’s been going by Sam Singer, he doesn’t remember anything Charlie…”
“Sam Singer? That’s more than weird…make sure you give all this information to Vic…”
Castiel let’s loose his wrath, “Oh I will be, they’ll be lucky if I don’t sue. Vic’s my friend but he played a hand in bungling this f*cking case from the beginning. If I find out something horrible happened to him that they could have prevented…”
“I’ll be right by your side with bells on,” Charlie exclaims, always ready for anything.
The odd phrase causes him to giggle, his keyed up energy melting away, “Thanks…though that was unintentional it was exactly what I needed.”
Charlie snorts a laugh, “Just doing my job, bestie. So should we head down there?”
“He’s being released in a few hours. You can come down but I don’t want Quinn here, not yet. I haven’t had a chance to explain that part to him and it felt like a conversation we shouldn’t have with his fiancé and pup present…” Castiel explains, struggling not to say the wrong thing.
Charlie quickly corrects him, “I can hear you trying to shove your own feelings aside to be polite, this is f*cked up Cas it’s okay to say it. You spent ten years searching for him, pining for him. Finally, you find him but he doesn’t have a clue who you are and he’s in a relationship with a kid. It’s…
“Completely f*cked up,” he repeats with a groan. “Should I even be taking him home?” He asks, beginning to worry he’s doing the wrong thing for selfish reasons.
“Yes you should, Cas. As uncomfortable as it will probably be, its where he belongs. You both need to know if there’s any way back to what you had.” Charlie explains, saying exactly what he needs to hear in this moment. “I can leave Quinn with Gilda for a few hours but you need to talk to her before Dean’s released. I just texted the crew they’ll be there too.”
With much gratitude, he responds, “Thank you, Charlie.”
The call ends shortly after that. The next is a call to Sam, really it’s his second call to Sam because he was Castiel’s second call after 911 when all this began hours ago. It rings through to voicemail and he can’t help but feel deja vu of the day Dean went missing. He reminds himself Sam’s at work and will check his missed calls when he gets off, just like he always does.
As the thought enters his mind a text comes through.
Sam: Just heard the news, is it true??? I’m held up with this arrest but as soon as I’m done I’ll be there. I’ll even let you kick my ass for doubting we’d find him.
Castiel wonders where this ‘we’ came from considering this very morning Sam was ready to bury an empty casket. Brushing the thought aside as his mind wanders back to his conversation with Missouri, he lets himself drift for a moment.
“There’s an old gunshot wound on his arm, was that there prior to his disappearance?” Missouri asks.
“No, I think I’d remember if my husband was ever shot,” Castiel snipes, fear coursing through him at all the possibilities that could lead to a gunshot wound.
“Don’t get smart with me, Winchester. I know this is scary but it’s no excuse,” Missouri scolds him, the lingering warmth in her eyes softening the blow.
Castiel apologizes immediately, not wanting to take his feelings out on his friend, “Sorry, it’s just hard to hear all this and still have no clue where he’s been and how he was hurt.”
“Dean’s memory loss isn’t caused by a physical injury, there’s nothing on his scans that would cause total memory loss.” Missouri explains, soothing his concerns only slightly, “Its trauma related, be cautious over the next few weeks but I’m hopeful he’ll begin to regain his memory being home and in a familiar place.”
“What about Quinn? He didn’t exactly have a ten year old in his ‘familiar place’ before he disappeared. He doesn’t even remember I was pregnant…” Castiel points out, admitting to one of his major concerns with Missouri’s insistence that he take Dean home.
“Have a talk with both of them, discuss what he feels comfortable with as well as what she does. I would suggest not having her call him Papa to begin with, it may overwhelm him.” Missouri advises, “Other than that, just take things slow and easy. I’m here if either of you need anything and Dean’s scheduled to begin seeing Jody next week.”
Missouri pats him on the shoulder before heading into an adjacent room to check on a patient.
Castiel’s left with more questions than answers…
His thoughts are pulled back to the present by another text, this time from Charlie.
Charlie: Gangs all here, come to the waiting room. They won’t let all of us up there at once.
Castiel’s lips pull into a soft smile, touched that his friends would come together so quickly to be there for family.
He makes the journey downstairs, immediately locating the small group in the ER waiting room. True to her word Charlie managed to get Benny and Vic to come along with her. He’s thankful to see she was able to leave Quinn with her mate Gilda as well, he’s not ready to have that conversation just yet. It’s not as easy as Missouri makes it seem but he only has a few more hours to work himself up to it.
Ughhhh.
“Heyyyy, brotha,” Benny greets, pulling him into a side hug. “How is he?”
In some alternate universe, he’s sure he’d despise Benny and all he stands for, simply for having had Dean before he did. But, the alpha has been nothing but a source of comfort since Dean’s disappearance.
“Groggy, a little out of it and has no memory of anything before the last ten years…” he informs them all.
There’s almost a collective gasp from Benny and Vic, clearly not informed by Charlie prior to their arrival.
“Nothin’ at all? Where’s he been all this time?” Benny asks, hand scrubbing over his face as the news sinks in.
“Living under an assumed name but that’s the weird part. He’s been going by Sam Singer,” Cas relays, handing the license he got from Dean’s wallet to Vic.
Vic checks it over, “It’s definitely a fake but why Sam?”
“Lingering memory of his brother?” Charlie tosses out the idea with a shrug, “maybe that means his memory isn’t completely gone?” the alpha asks, green eyes brightening at the idea.
“Maybe, Missouri seems to think it’s possible. Taking him home should help…” he trails off as everyone’s eyes zero in on something behind him.
Vic moves before he can react, turning just in time to catch Lisa walking by them with a still sleeping Ben in her arms. More than likely Missouri made her come back for the pup, Dean’s in no position to care for a child in his condition.
He finds himself spilling his inner thoughts to his friends, “It’s surreal, you should see him with Ben. I always told him he’d make a great father and…” he can’t finish his thought, overcome with a confusing mix of elation and despair.
Benny and Charlie both place comforting hands on his back and he’s grateful for the support. He focuses his energy on eavesdropping on the conversation unfolding in front of him.
“Due to the circ*mstances of Mr. Winchester’s disappearance we’ll need a statement from you Ms. Braeden.” Vic informs Lisa calmly.
Her eyes land on Castiel as though she’s blaming him even though this is routine for the case, finally she huffs out, “Fine,” before quickly fleeing outside once Ben starts to wake up.
Ben’s cries for his father echo in her wake, leaving Lisa stiff and awkward as they exit. She doesn’t seem all that good at calming her own pup down. She’s literally holding her own child like a bomb that’s about to go off.
Unfortunate.
Benny helpfully chimes in, “Good luck with that one, brotha.”
Ignoring his friend, Castiel asks the question that floated to the surface of his mind as soon as he spotted Vic, “So what happens now?”
Vic sighs deeply, “I’m sorry for how things went, Castiel. I will personally continue to handle the investigation for the moment since there’s still a conflict of interest with Benny and Charlie here,” his friends groan, wanting to help work the case, Vic adds, “We just won’t mention my own.”
Castiel laughs knowing the alpha’s referring to how close he’s gotten to Castiel ever since Vic and Anna mated. He agrees, no one else needs to know that if it helps the case.
His friend goes on, “I’ve been the only one working the case once it went cold anyway, Trenton and Walker retired years ago. But the biggest issue is going to be Dean’s memory or lack thereof. We’re still at square one…” Vic frowns, realizing what Castiel already has.
They may have Dean but that doesn’t give them access to what he may know.
“Because there’s no way to prove he didn’t leave voluntarily…” Castiel voices what Vic won’t. “I won’t lie, the thought did enter my mind when I saw him in that mall with Lisa and Ben, but Missouri said he has a healed gunshot wound. Whether he went willingly or not something happened in the ten years he’s been gone, we need to find out what…”
“I still haven’t been able to find Baby with any of my resources,” Charlie adds, “Is that what she who must not be named drove here?” She asks him, hope glimmering in her eyes.
“No, an older model minivan,” Castiel responds, starting to feel the adrenaline spike he’s been running on drop.
Charlie gestures for him to sit, “Come on, you can lean on one of us and take a nap. Sam’ll probably be here soon and you can both go back up together.”
“But I have to go talk to Quinn,” Castiel protests weakly as he’s manhandled between Vic and Benny.
“Pick a shoulder and shut up, Cas,” Vic playfully orders.
With an annoyed grunt he acquiesces. Castiel’s out within seconds of resting his head on Vic’s shoulder.
Chapter 5: Fighting Against the Current
Chapter Text
Dean watches as Castiel leaves the room, scent distressed even though he claimed he’s fine.
Once again, Missouri answers a question he never got the chance to ask making him rethink his belief in the existence of psychics, “Your husband’s been through a lot to get to this day, it’s just gonna take some time for him to adjust his own expectations.”
Suddenly he feels like such an asshole, brushing Castiel off and making him go and get Lisa as soon as he woke up. He’s barely spoken two words to the man who’s been waiting ten years to see him again.
“I’m f*cking this up…” he mumbles to himself but apparently Missouri has excellent hearing.
“Don’t you dare, none of this is your fault Dean Winchester,” she asserts, eyes challenging him to disagree. “It’s…more than complicated, but what really matters is how you deal with it.”
“And all I’ve done so far is avoid him,” Dean finally admits to using Lisa as a shield. Solid plan until it backfired, he didn’t consider his mate’s feelings at all.
“Yet, he’s still here,” Missouri counters, “It’s not my story to tell but Castiel’s quite used to showing up for you even when you insist you don’t deserve it.”
Interest piqued, he asks, “Really?”
“I see what you’re doing, Winchester. You’re not getting anything else out of me. Ask your husband,” Missouri teases with a wide grin, easily catching on to his attempt to dig for more details.
“Okay, okay,” Dean puts both hands up in mock surrender, “I’ll ask my…husband when he comes back. Nope, still weird to say…” he shakes his head, trying to wrap his mind around all the changes he’s gone through in the past few hours alone.
“Of course it feels weird, this morning you woke up with an entirely different worldview. You’re gonna feel like you’re on shaky ground for awhile, best to keep the ones that you can trust to hold you steady around.” She advises sagely, a knowing look behind her chocolate eyes.
Without further explanation or even an addendum to her cryptic statement, Missouri exits the room.
“Well that was weird as hell,” Dean mumbles to himself now that he’s been left to his own devices. Ben’s still dreaming away at his side and just as he’s wondering what he’s gonna do if little man wakes up Lisa returns.
Cautiously, she enters, strutting more confidently to his side once she sees the room is empty save the three of them.
“I’m taking Ben home,” she says, reaching her hands out for Dean to transfer him into her arms.
He’s more than reluctant, torn between wanting to keep his pup here and knowing the hospital isn’t the best place for Ben to be. Reluctantly, he brushes a kiss to his forehead and hands him off to his mom.
“Sweet dreams, buddy,” Dean whispers, well aware Ben can’t hear him but unable to break the ritual. To Lisa, “Are you coming back later?”
“Yes, the receptionist is supposed to have someone call when you’re being released. I’ll come back then, there’s no way in hell you’re going home with him.” She states through clenched teeth, body gone rigid with anger.
Dean groans, “Can you not make this a thing? I just got done talking with the doctor and if I ever want to remember who I am, I need to be home…” he cuts himself off realizing what he just said.
Lisa trembles slightly, almost dislodging Ben and waking him up, “Home?”
“Yeah, home Lis. As in where I lived before I woke up with no f*cking memory of who I am…” he breathes out a shaky grunt of frustration, trying to keep himself calm and not wake Ben, he asks, “Please, don’t make this harder than it has to be. Don’t you want me to get better?”
Dean’s truly beginning to wonder if Lisa’s capable of setting her own bullsh*t aside for once.
In lieu of a response she walks away, turning to say, “I’ll be here later, but maybe you should just go ‘home’ if that’s what you want…”
“Lis!” He begins to shout but she’s already gone. “Just f*cking great…”
Now he’s f*cked up with both omegas…
*****
Dean’s sitting in a nursery, bright and cheery. The walls are covered in baby ducks and rattles in soft pastels, there’s a white crib in the corner.
A faceless man crouches in front of him, one hand resting on the arm of the rocking chair he’s seated in. “You’re doing such a good job holding him, champ.” The man says, pride evident in his tone.
Younger Dean’s sure it can’t be directed at him, though he doesn’t know why. Still, the nagging feeling in his gut promises nice words like that are never for people like him.
“Support his head, there ya go!” The man corrects him, patting him gently on the back. “Always keep him safe…”
Eyes finally focusing on the tiny bundle in his chubby freckled arms, he whispers, “I gotcha buddy.”
Looking back up at the man, he watches as his blurred face begins to melt like vanilla ice cream in the heat of a Texas summer.
“Who are you?” The melted mess of a man demands roughly.
Who am I?
Dean slowly wakes, the smell of baby powder and formula following him out of the dream until it’s replaced by a distinct scent, easier to recognize now.
Castiel.
Eager to try actually having a conversation with the omega for once, Dean blinks the sleep out of his eyes as he opens them to find Castiel perched once again in the seat next to his bed. He hasn’t noticed Dean’s awake yet, occupied swiping through something on his phone.
Once again, Dean finds himself drawn to the omega. At a base level he understands it’s probably in part to their existing bond, but if he’s being honest there’s another deeper level of interest. The omega’s attractive, his cobalt blue eyes grab his attention first as he allows his own eyes to travel over the slight stubble decorating his strong jaw and wander up to the dark mess of sex hair on his head.
Dean can tell they have an age difference but he’s not sure how much, though the omega has more grays than he does. Taking into consideration Dean has no f*cking clue of his own age, just an approximation Bobby pulled out of thin air to put on his license, it’s not that easy to determine.
With questions battering at the door of his mind and begging to be released, Dean finally speaks up, “Hi…”
Castiel jumps about three feet in his seat almost dropping his phone before recovering, hesitantly answering in that decadent low rumble, “Hello, Dean.”
“I uh…I’m sorry about being insensitive earlier,” he apologizes, both because it’s the right thing to do and he can’t stand the idea he hurt Castiel in some way.
He waves off Dean’s apology, “No…no apologies necessary. This is…not a ‘normal’ situation and in your eyes you barely know me.”
“Did you just…air quote with your actual fingers?” Dean snorts a laugh, unable to stop himself.
Castiel’s eyes immediately water as he visibly attempts to stop himself from dissolving into tears, strangely his scent is nothing but joyous. His green apples elevate with an extra note of sweetness and the caramel deepens, smooth and rich.
Unsure of how to move forward and fighting the urge to lean over and scent the omega, Dean asks, “Was it something I said?”
“I’m fine, I promise. You just used to say that a lot in the beginning,” Castiel explains, swiping the few tears that managed to spill away. “These aren’t sad tears, I…I…”
“You were beginning to think I was never coming back, that you’d never hear me say…” the alpha surmises, trailing off not wanting to speak for Castiel.
Shame starts to drown out the joy in Castiel’s scent and that wasn’t his intention at all, “Hey, it’s okay,” he attempts to soothe, “Ten years is a long time, I’m not taking it personally. Hell, you’re better than most not giving up after that long.”
Castiel looks up sharply, piercing sapphire eyes filled with an intensity he’s never experienced before, declaring, “I could never give up on you. That wasn’t an option I ever considered.”
His honesty blows Dean’s mind a little. He can see a glimpse of what Missouri may have meant about his mate.
Seemingly wanting to switch topics, the omega straightens himself and asks his own question, “What do you remember?”
Of course he’d go straight for the jugular, the one thing Dean’s hesitant to discuss in detail. He’s not sure how much he can trust Castiel, but he decides to take a chance and share some of where he’s been the past ten years.
So he starts from the easiest place, the beginning.
“Everything is one big blank until the day I woke up not too far from Bobby and Ellen Singer’s house in Missouri. They’re over in North Kansas City…”
Castiel gasps but waves Dean off when he begins to ask, not wanting to interrupt his story most likely. Whatever it is they can discuss it later.
“It’s more a junkyard with a house in the middle of it, but the Singers are good people. Took me in, cared for me when I had nothing. At first I’d have flashes of images or sounds and scents, but nothing tangible enough to help so after awhile I stopped trying to remember, it hurt my head too much anyway. For a long time I had sharp pains behind my eyes, migraines. I guess I know why now,” Dean narrates, shaking his head as all the pieces come together in a new light.
Dean purposely brushes over the mysterious gunshot wound he had when Bobby pulled him out of the river, or the fact he was in the river to begin with. Bobby simply patched him up and they never spoke of it again. That detail always sends cold shivers through him, it isn’t something he feels the need to share right now. With no clue how he received the wound he doesn’t want to worry the omega over nothing, especially something that happened so long ago.
Dean’ll cross that bridge if and when his memory begins to return, he drops it for now convinced it would do more harm than good.
“Only thing I had on me was a post it note with faded ink, only thing legible on it was the name Sam so that’s what they started calling me,” Dean shares, laughing slightly at the memory of Bobby just calling him Boy until Ellen eventually had the bright idea to check his pockets.
Castiel hesitates before offering up, “Sam is your younger brother, actually. You probably had a note from him or to him, you used to use post its a lot back then to keep track of things.”
“I have a younger brother?” Dean asks, excited. The words jolt him back to his ‘dream’ from earlier.
Was that a memory?
Before he can ask, Castiel’s answering his first question, “Yes, you’re four years apart, he’s a cop at the local precinct. You’re 38 now and he’s 34. I’m 45 in case you were wondering and too polite to ask.” He finishes with a knowing smirk and a saucy wink.
“Was I like your sugar baby or something,” Dean jokes, unable to help himself after calculating the age gap.
Castiel barks a laugh, so it was definitely worth the risk. The sound sets off a burning deep in his gut, but it’s pleasant and warm.
His inner alpha releases a sigh of relief, melting into a puddle as he whines his approval.
“Absolutely not, but it’s good to see you haven’t lost your sense of humor,” Castiel finally responds through chuckles, playful glint growing in his ocean eyes. “You were never worried about our age difference, though outsiders have made comments in the past…”
Briefly his eyes lose their shine but he seems to shake it off just as quickly, “We just…worked…it didn’t matter to us…”
Dean can tell he may have inadvertently hit a different sore spot so he moves on, assuring Castiel it isn’t an issue at the same time, “Age, looks, hell even designation doesn’t mean anything. It’s about two souls, choosing one another. Apparently I chose you, Castiel. I’d like to find out why…”
“Cas…not Castiel. You only call me that when we’re fighting,” the omega chuckles again, soft smile on his face, sobering slightly as he adds, “Thank you…for wanting to find out why.”
He takes it in stride, “Cas, got it. Honestly Castiel’s a mouthful so that takes a weight off my shoulders.”
Castiel tilts his head to the side in a way Dean will not admit is sorta cute, asking, “Are you sure you have memory loss…”
“I don’t even remember my own brother, I think that’s proof enough. Why?” Dean asks, finding himself perplexed once again.
“You’re just so…you…” he responds, not elaborating any further before moving on, “If you’re using fake ID’s and a false name, how did you handle Ben’s birth certificate?”
The question is very left field considering they haven’t even broached the topic of Ben. He figured it was a sore subject and he was waiting to get there.
Under unknown circ*mstances he left his mate and turned up ten years later with a fiancé and a young pup. This has to be hurtful for Cas but he wants to at least answer his question with the same honesty he’s given Dean thus far.
“Uhm…I’m not on it,” Dean admits, nerves fluttering to the surface at the reminder in the face of Lisa’s actions today.
Neither of them have to say it aloud, if she wanted to Lisa could leave the state with Ben now and he’d be in for a long custody battle to get him back. It was something they’d discussed fixing before the move and he had hopes of finding a way to resolve the issue in the weeks before the wedding but now things have drastically changed.
Just the thought alone threatens to send him spiraling, so he pushes forward intent on telling Castiel…no Cas the rest of his story.
“Lisa and I met three years ago,” he begins cautiously, keeping tabs on every move Cas makes and any change in his scent. “She moved to Kansas City from Indiana after a bad breakup, we were together a year before she had Ben. The engaged thing is new…” he doesn’t elaborate or let slip he’s starting to rethink that stupid proposal.
When he met Lisa, Bobby and Ellen didn’t like her or trust her but she was sweet and didn’t dismiss him outright like every other person in town had once they looked under the hood. He’d been in KC for seven goddamn years and only had a string of one night stands to show for it. Nobody wants a mated alpha who can’t even remember his own birthday.
Being with Lisa was like a breath of fresh air, having Ben fulfilled a dream he never knew he had, so proposing seemed like the logical next step in the absence of any sign of his mate showing up.
Ellen and Bobby didn’t agree, wanting Dean to continue working on regaining his memory and looking for his mate.
Circ*mstances have changed in a major way, he’s just not sure how to move forward.
“Lisa has friends here, they told her it was a good area to raise a kid so a few months ago we talked and decided to officially make the move. I miss my parents,” Dean pauses, noticing Cas’ flinch at the words. Making a note to circle back he goes on, “and my sister Jo a lot but we figured it wasn’t too far to visit. Ben can see his grandparents whenever he wants.”
The silence fills the room like a rolling fog, he’s said something wrong.
Figuring the only way out is through, he asks, “What did I say?”
Cas averts his gaze, the first sign the news is pretty bad, before speaking, “Y-your parents both passed, well before you disappeared, years before we met,” he explains, the news wrenching a hole in his heart. The space doesn’t feel new, just freshly rubbed raw, “Your mother was a firefighter, a heroic one so I’m told. She got stuck in a home after her partner ran out without checking to make sure she was out as well. A bookcase had fallen on her and they couldn’t get to her in time…”
Dean nods his head stoically, wondering why he’s feeling so much grief for someone he can’t even remember. He tries, mind pulling up an approximation of what he believes his mother would look like based off his own features. But, it’s futile. Just like the few dreams he can remember, which he’s starting to believe could be memories, all he can muster is a fuzzy ambiguously female face with no distinctive features beyond a flash of wheat blonde hair and a kind voice. Even those details could be made up by an overactive imagination.
f*ck, this is hard.
Finally gathering the courage, he asks, “And my dad?”
The flash of disgust on Cas’ face is gone in a split second but it lingers in his scent.
“For now, let’s just leave it at he’s passed on, Dean. I don’t want to overwhelm you with too many details but don’t misunderstand.” A slow smile twists his lips as he goes on, “I’m happy to hear you have someone in your life now who’s a positive influence. Bobby sounds sweet…”
“I don’t know if he’d abide the word sweet per se,” Dean answers honestly through a chuckle, “gruff and grumpy, sure, but he’s a real stand up alpha. Ellen’s the best, she bakes a damn good pie. Jo’s obnoxious as hell but she’ll do anything for the people she loves, I’m just lucky enough to be one of those people,” Dean shares, eyes going slightly misty at the thought of his found family. It’s disconcerting to hear how fractured his biological family is, two dead parents and a brother he has yet to set eyes on. “You’ll meet them, I guess, now that I’m moving back in…”
___________________________________
Castiel’s thrown by the statement, having bypassed the ‘meet the parents’ phase in their relationship after discovering they were both orphans.
Adjusting himself quickly to this new reality, “I’d love to meet them, whenever you’re ready.”
If he’s being honest, it’s still a complete and utter shock to find out Dean’s only been forty minutes away this entire time. Castiel’s driven further for f*cking groceries and cheap gas.
All this time…
Trying to keep the frustration out of his scent, he’s glad for the interruption of Missouri popping her head of perfectly coifed curls past the door.
“Just wanted to let you know we’ll be releasing you in the next hour or so, Dean.” Looking to Castiel she begins to ask, “Have you…” trailing off at his insistent head shaking.
Dean looks between them suspiciously, sitting up slightly in the bed, mouth forming a familiar pout as he asks, “What?”
Castiel hides his head in his hands briefly, groaning as he responds through his fingers, “Thank you so much, Dr. Moseley.”
“You’re so very welcome, Dr. Winchester,” Missouri responds sarcastically, uncaring at the mess she just created as she glides out of the room on silent feet.
Deciding to take her hint and do what probably should have been done hours ago, Castiel steels himself to drop another bomb on Dean.
“Huh, forgot you were a doc for a second there. Dr. Winchester, I like the sound of that,” Dean muses at his side.
When he looks up, the alpha has a joking smirk planted on his face but the concern is evident in the crinkles around his peridot eyes.
“There you go again…” he murmurs, wondering how someone who has no recollection of who he is can still be the same captivating, infuriating, lovable person. Switching gears yet again he begins easing Dean into the conversation they clearly need to have, “There’s something more I have yet to discuss with you. That’s what Missouri was asking about…”
Dean gestures for him to go on, “Don’t hold me in suspense…”
“I’m just gonna rip off the bandaid, here,” pulling up the side by side photo he’d created while Dean was resting he turns his phone around to show Dean, “This is the real last photo of us together, taken a few days before you went missing.”
It’s one of his favorite photos of them, he even has it framed in the house. Castiel propped up on Dean’s chest snuggling on the couch as Dean cradles his belly. He remembers the day well, Charlie came over unannounced and unaware her friends had fallen asleep on the couch watching tv, she snapped the photo before waking them up.
Dean had it saved as the background on his phone before he went missing.
The memory makes him smile as he continues, “I didn’t want to freak you out at the mall but…when you went missing I was six months pregnant. The other photo is our daughter, Quinn, taken just this morning. She’s ten years old.”
In the photo, Quinn’s pulling a face sticking out her tongue and crossing her eyes. The freckles passed down from her Papa dot her pale skin in abstract patterns. Her dark brown hair, almost the same shade as his own, is pulled up into ‘galaxy buns’ or whatever she called them when she begged him to help her fix it. At the time she’d been playing with his phone and he’d lost his patience, snapping for her to give it back and finish getting ready, right before Anna showed up to get her.
Another apology to add to the growing list…
Dean reaches out a hand in a mirror of his actions in the mall, drawn to the photo of them together in sleepy bliss, before shifting to Quinn. Eventually, he speaks in a hushed whisper, “Holy sh*t…”
Neither of them are aware of Lisa’s presence until she speaks, “What’s going on here, Sam?”
The words shatter the already tinsel thin moment, causing Castiel to bristle as Dean snaps his head in her direction, brow furrowing in annoyance.
“Dean, Lis. We already spoke about this. Aren’t you a little early?” He asks, barely hiding the annoyance leaking into his tone and scent.
“I called her here so we can straighten out your discharge,” Missouri pipes up from the doorway, “Please take a seat Ms. Braeden.”
Lisa takes the only available seat by the door, clearly miffed she can’t be at Dean’s side where Castiel is. He rolls his eyes internally at her childish behavior.
He just wants to scream at her ‘this isn’t about you’ but it wouldn’t be fair to Dean to cause a scene like that. So, instead he keeps silent, waiting for Missouri to speak.
“This is a trial run to see if you can regain your memory in a familiar environment, Dean.” Missouri explains, hesitating as she goes on in a grave tone, “With that being said, if you never regain your memory you won’t be able to return to your position as a nurse at this hospital.”
He can see Dean visibly sag at the news, an inevitability if he’s unable to remember his training as a nurse.
“We’re all rooting for you as a colleague and friend. We want to see you back in this building working, not as a patient, Dean.” Missouri gets a little hitch in her tone before continuing, pushing her emotions back, “You’ve truly been missed.”
Missouri pauses before switching topics, “I know Ms. Braeden would like you to be released into her care, I’ve already given my opinion. So has your mate, Dr. Winchester, but what do you want Dean?”
Out of the corner of his eye Castiel sees Lisa flinch, at his professional title or last name he doesn’t know, but he can’t help but take some satisfaction from it either way.
Dean looks down at his hands before responding, “I want to know who I am. I can’t do that with you, Lisa. I’m sorry…”
Lisa’s eyes snap up, face gone slack with disbelief, “Are you serious??? Sam…”
“Ms. Braeden I know I heard this young man ask you several times to call him by his given name,” Missouri cuts in, saving Dean from having to confront the woman himself.
“Sorry,” she grumbles, already grappling for another excuse to get her way as she asks, “What about Ben?”
“You and Ben can visit anytime Dean would like. My friend Anna has no issues being present if I can’t be,” Castiel assures, wanting Dean to know he has no problems with his son coming over.
He’s just not sure how to break all of this to Quinn.
Less than two hours to figure it out…
“Why does that sound like a supervised visit?” She asks, eyes squinted and riddled with suspicion.
“Because it is, I don’t know you and that’s my home as well as my pup’s home. I’m sure you can understand,” Castiel reminds the other omega, trying to keep the ‘duh’ out of his voice but it should make perfect sense to another parent.
Apparently not…
Crossing her arms, she asks defiantly, “Is Dean okay with that?”
“…yeah that’s fine, as long as I get to see Ben I have no complaints,” Dean surprisingly agrees without any negotiation necessary. “Where’s Ben now?”
“In the waiting room, I called Bela to watch him,” Lisa answers, avoiding eye contact and scent gone the way of rotting roses as she asks, “If we’re done here? I’d like to get him back home, it’s getting late.”
Everyone looks to Missouri, awkwardly standing to the side watching this train wreck unfold in front of her, “Oh…yes you can go, honey.” Turning away to address Castiel and Dean she continues, “We’ll have some papers for Dean to sign in a bit then you’re free to take him home, Castiel.”
Lisa was already halfway out the door but her departure’s punctuated with an angry snort at Missouri’s last words.
“Gods, this is so f*cking awkward,” Dean voices Castiel’s internal thoughts, something he used to do all the time.
“Agreed,” he shakes his head, letting out a mirthless chuckle, “are you really okay with this arrangement? I don’t want to make you uncomfortable or cause problems between the two of you…”
“No, we still don’t quite know what happened to me so it makes sense, Lisa will get over it,” Dean doubles down as he states firmly, “I may not know Quinn yet, but I could never put our pup in danger.”
Those words damn near bring Castiel to his knees…our pup…two simple words that hold a universe of meaning for him.
From helping Dean finally agree he was ready for fatherhood, to losing his alpha six months into his pregnancy and fighting depression during the end of his pregnancy. Culminating in having to give birth without the man who swore to take every step alongside him in this life and the next. Taking the years long, arduous journey to make it to this day. It’s no small wonder finally hearing his alpha say ‘our pup’ has him floored.
As it is, Castiel’s instantly a weeping mess.
Missouri seems to have made her exit in the midst of the conversation sensing it was a private moment. It leaves Dean, unsure but still trying his best to console him.
“Hey, I’m not gonna say it’ll be alright because I have no clue if that’s true and I’d rather not be made a liar,” the alpha advises, trying his best to soothe him, “but I can say we’re off to a great start. I trust you, Castiel. Enough to go home with you and try to remember who I am, who we are together, who my daughter is. Okay? Don’t let Lisa get to you…that’s just how she is…”
Castiel pulls himself together, wiping the moisture off his face as he attempts to clarify, “It’s not her, I’ve dealt with far worse than her trust me. That’s just textbook insecurity,” Castiel snorts a laugh, Dean tries to stifle his own as he speaks, “It’s cheesy as f*ck but hearing you say ‘our pup’…we tried so hard for her and you never even got to see her birth, see how much she’s grown and changed over the past ten years…it was just overwhelming, I’m fine…”
“I am sorry though, for making this situation all the more difficult, with Lisa…” Dean says, bottle green gaze searching his own, melted marshmallows going burnt with his smokey campfire scent.
Castiel catches on to what he’s trying to say and it isn’t at all how he wants Dean to feel about any of this so he tells him as much, “You don’t need to apologize. I don’t feel…’cheated’ on or anything like that. You had no idea who you were, no idea if your mate was even alive. I don’t blame you for trying to find a spot of happiness in all that dark confusion.”
Castiel keeps to himself how appalling he finds the behavior he’s witnessed from Lisa thus far, especially towards Ben. He’s hopeful it’s just the stress of the situation making her act that way but he isn’t going to lie, it’s the main factor that forced his hand on the supervised visits.
Castiel refuses to have an unhinged woman alone in his home around his child not to mention Dean while he’s in this vulnerable state.
He’s just glad after having Dean tell him everything that it doesn’t appear Lisa’s guilty of kidnapping him. Maybe being rude and clingy but not kidnapping.
“Still feel bad about it but I guess that’s just another thing I can work on in therapy,” Dean grimaces as the words leave his mouth.
They spend the rest of the time until Missouri comes back with his release papers discussing his upcoming appointments and the conversation that’s to come with Quinn.
Chapter 6: Collapsing Foundations
Chapter Text
Dean’s steady gait pauses as they approach what must be Cas’ car in the parking lot, “You drive a pimpmobile?” He asks, attempting to hold back his laugh but he fails, snorting loudly as they stop next to the gold monstrosity.
Cas stops alongside him, bathed in the golden glow of the afternoon sunlight as he fixes him with a gummy grin, “Yeah, you’re definitely still in there somewhere. Come on, you have a daughter to meet and I don’t know about you but I’m starving.”
Figuring it must be another one of those things he used to say a lot he climbs into the passenger seat, ready to go anywhere there’s food. He’s nervous to meet Quinn but excited all the same.
Trying something Missouri showed him, he starts repeating all the things Cas told him about Quinn out loud. As far as he knows there’s nothing wrong with his short term memory but it doesn't hurt to do the exercise anyway, so he begins to list off each fact starting with her name, “Quinn Deanna Winchester, thanks for that by the way,” he says for the nod to him and apparently his grandmother, Cas keeps his eyes trained on the road but his flush tells Dean he heard him.
“We hadn’t discussed a middle name and it seemed…fitting,” he murmurs, focusing all his attention on taking the next turn and avoiding Dean’s gaze.
“Still…” he says, letting the sentence hang before he continues on with his list, “Ten years old, dark brown hair, blue eyes that switch to green in the right light with a hint of gold, freckles galore, and a deep appreciation of comic books and soccer. Did I forget anything?”
“Quinn’s unique personality can’t really be fully explained in a few words, you’ll see when you meet her,” Castiel answers cryptically. “When we get there, I’ll go in first to explain everything then come get you after if that’s okay.”
“Sure, whatever you think is best,” Dean responds, realizing they must be getting close as the car slows on a residential street.
The homes are average sized and brightly painted, nothing like the McMansion Lisa insisted on renting on the other side of town. The car rolls to a stop in front of a house painted in shades of grey with black shutters.
“Here we are…” Cas gestures over to the house, asking again, “You’ll be okay out here?”
“Yeah, gives me a bit to work out my nerves,” Dean responds, nervous grin overtaking his face.
Cas nods one more time before exiting the car, leaving a cloud of apples and caramel behind him. He takes a deep inhale, something he’ll admit to no one if asked, while he waits for Cas to return from preparing their pup to meet her papa.
She’s mine…
All these years and it never dawned on him his missing mate could have pups waiting and wondering where their father had gone. Quinn’s been longing for her papa to come back for ten years and Dean just found out about his daughter today. It’s all happening so fast, it didn’t take much for him to agree with Quinn not calling him Papa just yet, deciding it’s best to ease into it instead while they get to know one another.
Dean’s thoughts continue to wander as he succumbs to boredom, until he notices Cas left his phone behind.
Huh.
Curious to see if there are more photos of Quinn, and maybe more than a little curious about Cas too, Dean snatches the phone up surprised but happy to see it doesn’t require a passcode.
Tapping the photos app only, Dean’s not that much of a snoop, he swipes from one photo to the next. Just as he thought almost all are Quinn, Cas, or a combination of the two with other people he doesn’t recognize.
One in particular catches his eye from a few weeks ago. A red-haired woman, Cas, Quinn, the officer he’d met at the hospital, Victor, wrapped around yet another woman with flaming red hair. The group seems to be at one of those renaissance festivals Dean’s heard about but never attended, dressed in full medieval gear from head to toe.
“Cas is a nerd,” Dean laughs, shaking his head wondering if this is something they used to do together.
The next photo, Quinn and Cas covered in frosting and flour. Without context he’s gonna guess they had some sort of baking related disaster resulting in an extremely adorable pic.
Quinn throwing up the peace sign on the swings at the park.
Cas eating ice cream unaware it’s dripping down the cone as Quinn records, laughing in the background.
The same red-haired woman from the first pic with Victor, squeezed in between Cas and a stern faced blue eyed man in a fisherman’s cap for a selfie at an outdoor concert.
Cas recording a birthday party celebration for Missouri, Quinn walking in with a cake that reads “Happy Birthday Missy!” as she explains she made it herself before the older woman wraps her in a hug thanking her.
The alpha gets lost, swiping through memories he wasn’t around to share in.
_______________________________________________
Castiel gets out of the car, trying to project an air of calm when really he’s close to passing out from a mixture of excitement and nerves. He’s happy his alpha’s finally home but nervous about the coming weeks and his memory. Happy Dean will finally meet their pup but nervous Quinn won’t take the situation with Ben and Lisa well. Everything’s still tangled in a knot and he’s still unsure how it will all re-spool together, but Castiel’s hopeful and that’s a start.
Unlocking the front door, he calls out, “Anna? Bug?”
“Dad?” Quinn yells back, hurtling around the corner to wrap her arms around him. He leans forward to press a kiss into the mess of hair on her head catching a whiff of her watermelon shampoo.
“Missed you too, Bug,” he murmurs, “But it’s only been a few hours, is something wrong?”
“No, you just seemed like you needed it,” She answers, pulling back with a knowing smirk as she adjusts her sweater.
But she can’t know so he puts it down to Quinn being Quinn.
Anna comes around the corner, all style and grace with her flowing floral dress and pinned up bun.
“Where’s…” she stops herself looking between he and Quinn.
Once again Castiel finds himself frantically shaking his head while Quinn’s back is turned, only to stop abruptly as she turns around, pretending to scratch the back of his head.
Awkward.
“Saw your reflection in the door of the fridge, Dad. But nice try, so what’s up?” Quinn asks, turning around with her water bottle and there it is again that smirk.
Castiel squints, brow furrowing as he asks, “Did someone say something to you about…anything?”
“Nope…let’s just say this is an ‘I’m Quinn and I Know Things’ moment and move on,” she snarks playfully before prompting him again, “so tell me what I already know…” Quinn gestures for him to go on.
There’s no way she’s guessed this one so he proceeds, ready to be there for whatever she needs afterwards.
“This morning I went to the mall to think,” Castiel begins, omitting why he needed to think. It’s irrelevant considering. “I was walking through the food court when I ran into a man…a man who turned out to be your Papa…”
He stops, waiting for her to react.
In real time he watches shock, elation, confusion, a little hurt, and finally unmitigated joy clash for dominance on her sweet face.
“Really?” She asks, in a gasp of a whisper, rushing forward into his arms at his nod.
Castiel beckons Anna over as well, more for moral support than anything else but she’s steady at his side as they embrace Quinn.
“Sorry,” she whispers, “I thought you’d had a chance to talk. Charlie just asked me to pick her up after my shift and bring her home.”
“It’s okay,” he waves away her apology, directing his next words to Quinn, “Bug, there’s a little more I need to tell you…”
Peeking her turquoise eyes out from under his arm, she nods letting him know it’s okay before shoving her face back into hiding.
“Papa…papa was hurt while he was away. We still don’t know how or by who but he’s having some issues with his memory.” He explains, trying to do so in a way that’s easy to understand, “He’s going to be home with us so we can help him try to remember but it may be hard in the beginning…also…”
Castiel hesitates, unsure of how to even begin to broach the topic of Ben and Lisa. Anna gives him a look of reassurance, boosting his sails a bit as he continues, “While Papa was gone, because he couldn’t remember who he was, or that he had a mate and pup on the way…Papa met an omega three years ago, you have a little brother named Ben who’s two years old and while Papa’s here they will be coming to visit him.”
Quinn stiffens in his arms, locking up more with each word. “Are you and Papa getting a divorce?” She squeaks out, tears that had slowed to a trickle overflowing down her cheeks once again.
“No! No, Papa wants to remember who he is. He’s here because he wants to be with us, okay? But, he has another pup, your brother, and it wouldn’t be fair to take him away from him, would it?"
Slowly, Quinn gets it, agreeing, “No, it wouldn’t be fair. So this other omega’s okay with Papa coming home?”
Castiel pauses, unsure of what’s appropriate to say since he has no clue what’s going to happen between Lisa and Dean. But he sure as hell knows she doesn’t want him here and she’s liable to say as much during her visits.
Opting for a version of the truth, “She’s worried as most parents would be, about how this will affect Ben. But she understands Papa needs to be here to remember who he is. There’s one more thing, Bug.”
Quinn nods, already back in her ‘safe zone’ under his arm at the first sign the conversation wasn’t over.
“Dean will always be your papa, but since he’s been gone so long is it okay if you just call him Dean for now? He’s not saying he isn’t your papa, he just wants some time to get used to the idea…”
“Because we don’t really know each other? Not for real at least…” she asks, snuggling further into his side.
Surprised Quinn caught on so easily but pleased all the same, he responds, “Yes, it’s just for now. Until you’re both comfortable.”
Quinn nods, using her sweater sleeves to wipe away the tears as she finally pulls away.
“Alright, I’ll admit that was not at all what I thought you were gonna tell me. Quinn in fact does not know things apparently,” she mumbles to herself, pacing back and forth and shaking her head.
“What could you have possibly thought? You seemed pretty smug about it,” Anna teases, ruffling her hair as she walks away.
“I don’t know,” she exclaims, throwing her arms up in the air exasperatedly as her oversized sleeves flap comically, “everyone was being secretive all day, maybe we’re getting a dog or going on a trip to Disney,” she rattles off the remainder of a short list of possibilities before finally, “none of my ideas were ‘we found your papa’.”
Castiel chuckles nervously, unsure if her mini meltdown is a good or bad thing but needing to make her aware of the last and most important part, “Well, I did. Find your papa that is…and he’s out in the car right now if it’s okay to bring him in…”
“What?! You coulda led with that, Dad!” She screeches, possibly at a register only dog’s can hear.
Castiel peeks at Anna, standing propped against the counter and barely hiding a smirk behind her hands. He discreetly flips her off for barely assisting as he grabs Quinn by the shoulders to calm her down.
“Quinny Bug, I know this feels like a big deal, and it is but he’s just your papa and he’s very excited to meet you,” Castiel levels with her, watching the tension bleed out of her small frame as she uses one of the breathing techniques Anna taught her to calm down. “Ready?”
After a few more breaths she smiles, the one that lights up her eyes and reminds Castiel so much of Dean, “Ready.”
_______________________________________________
Dean stares up at the cloudless sky above, sun shining down on the small gathering and making sweat drip down the neck of his suit. He gets the sense the suit was meant for a celebration but, even though he can’t see the blurred faces gathered around him, he can tell this is no celebration.
Not of life, at least.
A smaller hand squeezes his own tightly, the faceless pup almost glued to his side with a mop of shaggy hair atop his head.
Dean’s mind supplies the word, brother. It feels right but the face remains blurred beyond recognition.
A rough hand grabs Dean’s shoulder, pulling his attention back to faceless strangers tossing dirt onto the closed casket in front of them.
“Stand up straight, eyes front,” the melted man orders, tone taking on a whiskey soaked sharpness that wasn’t there before. “Make your mother proud, make damn sure she didn’t die for nothin’…”
“Yes, sir,” he immediately responds as cold dread travels through his body at the realization.
This is a memory….this is a mem-
TapTapTap
The rapid knock on the window startles the alpha awake, causing him to drop Cas’ phone to the floor between his feet. Straightening up as though caught doing something wrong he sees it’s just Cas, back to get him like he promised. He grabs the omega’s phone from the floor, still slightly drowsy as he exits the car.
What a f*cked up dream…
“Sorry, hope you don’t mind I got bored,” he says, gesturing to the phone as he hands it back.
Cas smiles warmly, “It’s okay…are you ready to come inside?”
“That depends, did she take it well?” He asks, still nervous even after seeing so many images and videos of his pup.
“She took it…how I expected her to, but she’s ready if you are,” Cas answers, by not answering, but it’s not like Dean knows any better.
“Lead the way,” he gestures for Cas to walk ahead as they proceed inside his…no their house.
As soon as he walks past the door he’s hit with the overwhelming sense, and scent, of home.
His inner alpha surrenders to it completely, huffing and growling with glee homehomehomehome.
“They’re in the living room,” Cas points, waiting for Dean to follow him.
Trying to pull himself together, Dean follows his mate through the entryway and towards the back of the house. Along the way he spots little details that show his presence was maintained over the years. Framed photos decorate every free surface and wall showcasing memories he doesn’t recall experiencing.
Cas seems to notice him slowing as they near the next room, catching his gaze, “We can take them down if it’s too much…”
“No, I like it…” he waves away the offer, finding it’s not a lie. “Shows how much all of you care about me…makes me feel like I made the right decision, coming home.” He admits, eyes dancing from one photo to the next.
Their life told in pictures.
“Sam called it morbid, begged me to take them down or at least reduce the number…I admit it is a lot,” Cas says, wringing his hands together nervously.
“Hey, I’m not judging you for coping. And like I said, I like it,” Dean reiterates, not liking the affect Sam’s words are having on Cas, “When do I get to meet my little brother, anyway? He sounds very…opinionated…”
“That’s what I forgot!” Castiel shouts, smacking his forehead dramatically, “He’s at work, I was supposed to text him when we left the hospital,” Castiel huffs a laugh, “Okay, done. Now, enough stalling let’s go…” he prods Dean forward towards the living room.
When they round the corner, owlish teal eyes land on him framed by mocha curls mostly up in a messy bun. He can recognize his lips and nose plain as day as well as the smattering of freckles across her face. Quinn stands, oversized black sweater making her legs, clad in purple leggings, appear comically short.
She’s perfect.
Hesitantly, he walks forward eventually kneeling so he’s not towering over her.
“H-hey, Quinn,” he offers a greeting, unsure of how to handle this epic moment.
She waves awkwardly before, “Hi P-Dean…”
The silence is awkward to say the least, everyone knowing she wanted to say Papa and can’t right now. It pulls at his heart, makes him want to try harder to feel he’s earned that title.
Luckily, the omega he’s guessed is Vic’s mate speaks up from the other side of the room ready and willing to provide a distraction.
“I know you don’t remember me, Dean. I’m Anna,” she introduces herself, putting her hand out for a shake which he stands and takes gratefully. “After we lost you I moved in with Cas to help with Quinn for a few years until things got serious with Victor and we mated. That was what…three or four years ago, Cas?”
Cas speaks up, having gone silent during the awkward exchange with Quinn, “Yeah around that long…” he answers distractedly, eyes still glued to their pup.
“We’re all so happy to have you back, and some of us just need some time to get used to it…” Anna lets her sentence trail off as he nods, understanding completely.
Quinn’s slowly gravitating into his orbit so he takes a seat on the couch, letting her come to him. Cas takes a seat on the other end and Anna cops a squat on the floor as they all pretend to ignore Quinn slowly inching her way in between her parents.
“Not that I’d remember if anything’s changed but it’s nice in here,” Dean comments on the decor in the living room. The furniture and walls are bright, counteracting the muted shades of the outside of the house. “It’s got a good vibe…”
Cas barks a laugh as he reveals, “Not only is it exactly the same, you decorated most of the house. I barely did a thing because apparently I ‘wouldn’t know a good color scheme if it bit me in the ass’.” He deadpans before breaking out into more giggles.
It’s the most animated Dean’s seen the omega since they ‘met’ and he likes it. Being in his own environment loosens Cas up apparently, it suits him. Quinn must be used to the cursing she doesn’t flinch, adding her own soft giggles along with Anna.
“Well, I have good taste then,” Dean joins the chorus of chuckles at his own expense, shrugging as he continues, “I guess we should start with a tour…”
“I’ll do it!” Quinn immediately volunteers to Dean’s delight. “I mean, if that’s okay with you, Dad. And Dean…”
Cas shakes his head, “By all means m’lady the floor is yours,” punctuated by an odd little half bow.
Odd but still adorable.
Quinn looks to him next so he puts out his arm for her to loop her own around, “Lead the way.”
She hesitates a moment before taking it and practically dragging him into the kitchen.
“Soooo this is the kitchen,” she narrates, sweeping an arm around the room, “Fridge, garbage, sink, pantry, cabinet where Dad hides the good snacks, microwave….uhm that’s really it. Come on…”
Dean’s yanked out of the kitchen, “Half bathroom,” and into the “dining room we hardly ever use,” before stopping at the door to the “backyard, there’s nothing back there but a grill we also don’t use because Dad can’t cook.”
That last tidbit sheds new light on the flour and frosting photo. Dean wonders if he was also the main cook at home or if they both tended to order takeout. He has a lot to discover about himself, especially in relation to Cas.
Quinn takes his hand as they ascend the stairs leading to the second floor, switching back to his arm once they land on the second level.
But for those few moments, Dean held his little girl’s hand and it was glorious.
Slightly sticky, but glorious.
“This is my room,” she gestures as she pushes the door open to reveal utter chaos, “It’s not usually like this I promise,” Quinn adds, closing the door quickly behind them.
“Are you sure?” Dean can’t help but tease, it’s not like he can make some kind of dad joke about his own room as a pup.
“Actually yes, I was supposed to come home earlier today from Aunt Charlie’s but instead I had to stay with Aunt Gilda alllll day and Aunt Anna just brought me home but now you’re here so it’ll just have to stay dirty I guess…” she surmises with a shrug of finality.
After unraveling the convoluted path of Quinn’s story and ridiculous number of Aunt’s in that sentence Dean calls bullsh*t, helpfully pointing out, “I don’t see in there where you can’t clean it up before you go to bed…”
“You really are a dad aren’t you? Huh…” Quinn quirks an eyebrow playfully making Dean break out in easy chuckles.
“Last I checked, yeah. So…clean it up after dinner?” He tries his luck knowing he’s really pushing it, having no real authority over Quinn, yet.
Quinn gives him an assessing look before nodding slowly, “I can do that…for a price.”
“Uhmmm…” Dean stalls, caught off guard not expecting her to counter.
Do other parents negotiate with their older pups?
At a loss, only having real life experience parenting a two year old, Dean caves, probably playing right into her preteen hands, “What?” He utters dumbly.
“You and Dad recorded these…videos for me before I was born and Dad recorded a ton for you while you were…gone…watch them with me?” She asks, aqua eyes going full puppy dog.
Dean’s floored, having expected a crazy request like unlimited pancakes or a trip to an amusem*nt park. Instead, from the sounds of it, his sweet pup wants to help him with his memory the only way she knows how.
“Of course I will, baby girl,” he answers easily, and he’s so confused when she yelps before running past him and down the stairs screaming ‘Daddy, he said it!’.
_______________________________________________
Sam’s phone buzzes on the bar, he slides it forward seeing it’s from Cas.
Cas: We’re home, come by anytime. Dean won’t remember you but he’s excited to ‘meet’ you. This is gonna sound weird until he explains it but for the past ten years Dean thought he only had a sister and that his name was Sam. It’s a long story, we’ll talk more when you get here...
“Sister? What the f*ck…” Sam mumbles to himself before finishing off his glass of whiskey and leaving the bar.
The beta climbs into his car, trying to psych himself up to see Dean now that his plans for the evening fell through. Sam’s run out of excuses, hopefully Cas has been kind in his re-telling of the past ten years.
Gods know he’s f*cked up badly, so f*cking badly.
“Get it over with. Rip off the f*cking bandaid,” he groans to himself, turning the key in the ignition just as an unseen presence pulls a bag over his head from the backseat.
Sam doesn’t see the fist coming before he’s punched roughly, losing consciousness within seconds.
Chapter 7: Breaking Point Part I
Chapter Text
Dean’s trying to stand tall, show no fear. But the melted man is angrier than usual tonight. The air around him stinks of whiskey and bourbon, a voice whispers father and it feels twisted and toxic but right in his bones.
Still, his features remain distorted like dripping wax.
“f*cking worthless excuse for an alpha is what you are,” his father continues spitting angry words, tone laced with deep disgust as he slurs on in a plaintive wail, “Shoulda been you…shoulda been you…”
The words stab Dean in his chest, cutting into the parts of his soul already sliced through from past vitriol spewed by his drunken excuse for a father.
A voice he barely recognizes as his own murmurs, in a shaky whisper, “I know, Dad. I know…”
He closes his eyes as the punches and kicks begin…
Dean shoots up from the bed, gasping for air as he jolts awake from the terrible nightmare. By now, he’s sure they’re memories of a past he’d rather not remember if it’s all pain and fear. If this truly was his childhood, it’s no wonder Dean’s brain shoved it into the ‘never open again’ box as soon as it got the chance. He sits up in bed, wiping cold sweat from his brow as he calms down. It takes him a moment to gain his bearings having to remind himself he’s in his ‘new’ home, not the house with Lisa across town.
After his heart’s slowed down to an acceptable rate Dean’s first instinct is to wake Cas up and tell him the good news, his memory is returning. But…these aren’t exactly happy memories and he has a sneaking suspicion they aren’t memories he would share with just anyone.
The thought gives him pause, enough to decide on waiting to reveal these particular memories.
“Just ’til some of the happier memories come back,” he mumbles the promise to the blank walls of the guest room.
With that thought in mind, Dean allows himself to drift back to sleep.
Only to have the distinct displeasure of being thrown back into the dream.
“Don’t touch him!” A small shout reverberates from the hall.
The knowing voice reminds him, ‘brother’, and he feels less alone.
Their father rages back, “Go to your room!”
Defiantly, his brother yells, “No, I won’t let you hurt him anymore!”
Dean struggles to stand, trying to let his brother know he’s okay but he can’t move.
He can’t speak.
“What did you do to him?! He didn’t do anything wrong!!” His brother shouts at uncaring ears.
“I caught him with that piece of sh*t alpha from down the road,” his father slurs, some words lost in translation until he mumbles, “…no son of mine!”
The kicking continues as his brother screams until thankfully he passes out.
This time, Dean has moments to make it to the bathroom before dinner comes back up.
Point f*cking proven.
He can’t tell Cas, he can’t tell anyone.
Except his brother…
*****
Quinn comes to get him bright and early first thing in the morning, requesting his presence in the dining room. Dean really needs sleep after having two nightmares last night but the hopeful gleam in her aquamarine eyes has him saying yes before he can stop himself. She yips in delight, hopping up and down before running downstairs to wait for him.
“I’m beginning to see what you meant, Cas,” he says to the empty room as he laughs to himself, grabbing his clothes for the day from the box next to the bed.
Once everything settled last night he and Cas realized they’d forgotten a huge factor of this plan, his clothes are still over at he and Lisa’s place. In lieu of having to have any awkward conversations or encounters Cas dug out boxes of Dean’s old clothes, most of which still fit. He pulls out a random flannel, tee, boxers, socks, and jeans glad to see his style of dress didn’t change much. Getting ready in five minutes flat after brushing his teeth and using the bathroom, he heads downstairs to see what Quinn has planned.
His pup’s practically buzzing with excitement by the time he waltzes into the dining room ready for whatever she has planned. They could be picking up trash on the side of the road and he’d be ecstatic to be there if it means making up for all the time he’s missed with his daughter.
Currently, Quinn is holding up a sign decorated in tons of glitter glue that reads ‘Welcome to Memory Bootcamp!’ in shades of pinks and purples with a touch of silver.
Nice.
“Like the sign says, Welcome to Memory Bootcamp! Hold all applause until the end, no flash photography, and I hope you enjoy the show!” Quinn says with actual jazz hands as she bows dramatically.
Dean huffs a laugh, “You should be in drama club, kid.”
“Oh, I am,” she reveals with a giggle, “Aunt Charlie even chaperoned our LARP trip a few weeks ago,” Quinn shares, eyes brightening at the memory. “LARPing’s a great way to practice acting.”
Dean’s brow furrows in confusion, not understanding half of that sentence, “Larping?”
Quinn smiles as she patiently explains, “Live Action Role Play, or LARP. Aunt Charlie’s the Queen of Moondoor, I’m a warrior princess, Dad’s an elven king, and apparently you were her handmaiden.”
Dean splutters, not prepared to hear of his involvement in…whatever the hell this is, he’s still not sure he fully understands but now he’s not so confused by that photo on Cas’ phone.
Shocked, he asks, “H-handmaiden? I used to…Larp…too?”
Quinn smirks, obviously prepared for his reaction as she answers, “Yup, I’ll show you…”
And for the next hour, show she does.
Dean was deeeeeep in the nerd sauce before…‘it’ happened. Collecting comic books and trading cards, going to conventions, cosplaying, nerdy coordinated halloween costumes, and apparently LARPing.
“Wow…” he breathes out, watching a video of him and Cas dressed as Mario and Princess Peach.
“Wanna see the pics of you dressed as my namesake for Halloween? Dad sure does love those…” Quinn teases, watching him burn with embarrassment.
“No, th-thank you, Quinn…think we’re done for today,” Dean mumbles, rushing out of the room before he keels over from shock.
Part of Dean thinks he and Cas need to have a long talk about what is and isn’t appropriate to share with their pup. The other part actually does want to see those photos, and Cas’ reaction to them.
Instead, he wanders off to the living room for a nap feeling drained after all that time trying to force a memory and no closer to the truth.
*BANG BANG *
Seering pain rips through Dean and he feels as though he’s falling forever. Falling falling falling then nothing. Pure silence until…
*SPLASH *
Right before impact Dean swears he hears a distant voice scream, “No!” Before everything goes black.
Dean’s pulled from his nap by the distinct feeling of being watched. When he pries his eyes open they land on the redhead he keeps seeing but has yet to meet in person.
“Hi, you must be Charlie,” he rumbles out, clearing his throat.
She isn’t fast enough to hide the slight dip in her smile, clearly wishing just like everyone else that just seeing her would jog his memory.
“Sorry, kid. Doesn’t seem to work that way,” he answers her unspoken question with a shrug, sitting up and finally noticing the other two people in the room.
“Oh, hey Vic!” Dean greets when he notices the officer, “And you must be Benny…”
“You got it, cher,” the alpha answers in a cajun drawl, broad smile causing crinkles around his eyes but not exactly penetrating them.
There’s something behind Benny’s ice blue stare Dean can’t quite pinpoint but he’ll ask Cas about it later.
“So what brings you all over?” He asks, trying to keep it casual but more than a little suspicious at the three officers sudden appearance.
“Just wanted to say hi, hadn’t seen you…” Charlie responds, but she’s fidgeting in a way that signals that’s not the entire truth.
Huh.
What follows is a solid hour of forced, awkward small talk when really all they had to do was call Cas up and ask if his memory was back.
It’s not and it’s awkward talking to strangers who remember everything about you when you know sh*t all about them. Especially when they make it painfully obvious their true intentions are to try and make you remember.
Dean knows they mean well but like Missouri said, it won’t happen over night. He’s got a trickle but they want an ocean and that can’t be forced.
When the three stooges finally leave, Dean decides it’s high time to call and check in with Bobby and Ellen. It’s not like Lisa would have called them herself, so he grabs his phone heading up to his temporary room as he pulls up Bobby’s number pressing call before he can second guess it.
The grump picks up after three rings, “Was wonderin’ when you were plannin’ on callin’, took you long enough…”
“Been kinda busy, Bobby,” Dean begins to explain as he sits down but he cuts him off.
“Don’t worry, princess I was just kiddin’. How’s my grandpup?” Bobby asks with an audible smile, ready to move on and put Dean’s short absence behind them.
“Well, that’s what I was getting to, it’s sort of all related…” hesitating only for a moment, Dean blurts it out, “I found my mate,” he breathes out on a strangled whisper, more emotional than he thought he’d be.
“What?!” Bobby asks, all gruffness gone from his tone replaced by shock and surprise. Dean hears the sound go muffled as he calls for Ellen and Jo. “Repeat that for me, boy.”
Old habits die hard.
Steeling himself, Dean repeats his words, “I…I found my mate yesterday at the mall of all places…” he can’t help but chuckle at the absurdity now that he thinks about it.
“You know Ben’s been growing like a weed lately so Lis and I went down to the mall to get him some clothes.” He relays, “She had just walked away with him to get pretzels in the food court when I smelled him right before he walked up…I’m not just mated, I have a husband,” Dean reveals to his shocked family.
“I bet Lisa took that well,” Jo chimes in, he can practically hear the eye roll in her voice.
Just like their parents, Jo isn’t a fan of Lisa or their relationship. Ignoring her for the moment, Dean waits for Bobby and Ellen’s reactions.
Eventually, Ellen asks with trepidation, “How is she taking this? And Ben…?” Right as Bobby snorts an astonished laugh as he asks, “What are you gonna do?”
Dean tackles both questions, “The doctor suggested I come home to an environment I knew before I disappeared so that’s where I am. We have a house, it’s pretty cool. Apparently I decorated it.” He starts to feel like he’s rambling so he answers Ellen’s question, “Uhm…Lisa’s pretty pissed, she has Ben for now but Castiel, my omega, told her to bring him by anytime…” he finishes, hoping the answer won’t lead to more questions.
Dean’s trying to figure out the best way to tell them about Quinn when the girl in question knocks on his door.
“Hold on guys,” Dean says to his family, putting the phone down, “Come in.” He calls out past the cracked door.
Quinn pokes her head fully into the room, brown curls pulled up into a ponytail this time as she informs him, “Dad said to tell you dinner’s almost ready but by that he means the pizza’s almost here cuz like I told you yesterday, Daddy can’t cook. Are you on the phone?”she asks, edging closer into the room.
Dean nods as he tries and fails to stifle a laugh at Quinn’s brutal honesty, “Yeah, I’m talking to my family over in Missouri. Wanna say hi?” He asks, making a split second decision.
“Sure,” she answers, coming in to sit beside him on the bed.
Dean puts the phone on speaker, “So, like I was telling you, I met my husband Cas yesterday but…I also met my daughter, Quinn. Cas was six months pregnant when I went missing.” Looking to Quinn he adds, “Go ahead and say hi babygirl…”
Quinn leans in, enthusiastically introducing herself, “Hi! Yup, Dean’s my papa…” she trails off clearly unsure if she’s in trouble for calling him papa.
He mouths ‘it’s okay’ finding it stupid the longer he’s around her to not allow it, “Yeah, I’m her Papa…” he agrees, going more than a little misty eyed along with his pup.
The call erupts in questions, Dean providing the few answers he can before Cas calls up the stairs letting them know dinner has arrived. The call ends with promises for the Singers to come to town soon to meet Cas and Quinn and spend time with Ben.
Dean can’t wait.
After a filling meal of meat lovers pizza he parts ways with the mate he’s slowly getting to know again and pup he already loves with his whole heart.
It doesn’t take long for Dean to drift into a restless sleep. Thankfully one filled with happier memories.
“Alright lil guy, just one more quick poke and I got a lollipop with your name on it, okay?” Dean soothes, trying to smooth the way with a bribe.
Wide brown eyes look up at him, unshed tears thankfully receding as the pup contemplates the offer. Finally, he nods. Scrunching his body closer to his mom in anticipation of the last required pinch on the path to a lollipop.
With one last knowing, “Do it for the candy, bud,” Dean administers the final shot as fast as he can with barely a hint of pain for his patient.
It’s his superpower, Charlie even put it on a mug for him.
“All done!” He says, gently placing a Bluey bandage on the injection site and passing off the promised lollipop to the tiny tot.
His mom mouths ‘thank you’ as the alpha removes his gloves and steps out of the room into the empty hallway to let Cas take over.
Dean pauses briefly to kiss both his babies on his way by Cas, feeling the welcome press of a foot against his brush of lips.
Eventually, his husband sends him off with a smirk to match the sparkle in his ocean eyes. A swift smack to Dean’s ass follows as he turns to wink, purposefully exaggerating his sashay down the hall to the next patients room well aware Cas is watching every step.
To be continued later at home…
This time, Dean rises slowly back to consciousness with a smile. Doubly so as he sees its actually morning and not ass o’clock at night.
No nightmares.
The thought causes him to jolt into a seated position in the bed, but for a happier reason. Dean finally has a memory he can share with Cas and obviously one the omega should remember since he was there too. Not just there, he was pregnant which means it was probably close to his disappearance.
Not only that, no blurred faces.
Huh.
Dean practically leaps out of bed and down the hall to Cas’ room to share the good news.
Chapter 8: Breaking Point Part II
Chapter Text
Dean’s memory is coming back.
Castiel can finally put his worries to rest, taking Dean home was the right thing to do whether Lisa likes it or not. What Dean needs comes first, but that doesn’t seem to matter to her. There’s an open offer they’re all aware of for Lisa to take advantage of anytime she wants, yet this is day two of Dean not seeing Ben.
He ponders what their next actions should be as he finishes up in the bathroom. Quinn dragged Dean off again first thing this morning for Memory Bootcamp, she asked Castiel to come as well but sifting through all those videos is too much for him right now, maybe in the next few days. Instead, he can be there for Dean to decipher these memories he’s experiencing in his dreams.
Focus returning to his previous thoughts, Castiel wonders if he’s being too hard on Lisa.
Probably not.
Castiel will give her the first day, Dean was exhausted but he would have still entertained Ben if she’d shown up. Dean was so tired he barely ate dinner, going promptly to bed once it became apparent she wasn’t coming after Cas slogged through the basem*nt to retrieve his boxes of clothes. And thank the gods he kept those instead of donating them like Sam suggested.
Speaking of Sam.
The beta’s still on a stakeout for some case. Before Victor left earlier, he said he gave both Sam and his partner Brady the option to pass it off to other officers so Sam could be available for his brother. But, Brady told him Sam said he needed the distraction so they kept the case.
Needed the distraction?
Castiel almost threw the mug of coffee he’d been drinking when Vic conveyed the message.
He’s not sure why he’s surprised, it’s par for the course for Sam lately but gods he wished he could pull it together for Dean.
Refusing to let his brother in law ruin a good moment, Castiel turns his focus back to the good news.
Dean’s memory is coming back.
Dean is coming back.
*****
Shortly after finishing up in the bathroom, Lisa finally shows with a crying Ben in her arms that Dean immediately moves to soothe. Castiel finds something to do elsewhere in the house, attempting to bury the selfish part of himself that doesn’t want his alpha around Lisa at all.
That isn’t his decision to make.
His inner omega has a constant stream of profanities rolling, sharing in his displeasure with current circ*mstances.
Luckily, Quinn begged to go over to Charlie’s shortly before their arrival so she isn’t around to witness any of this. She’s been wanting to visit the new arcade at the mall for weeks, conveniently avoiding meeting Lisa, but also stalling her and Ben’s first meeting which is a shame. Charlie promised to have her back before dinner, that was good enough for him in the face of Quinn’s patented Winchester puppy dog eyes.
She learned it from her Uncle.
Castiel’s cleaning up in the kitchen twenty minutes into Lisa’s visit and trying his best not to eavesdrop when he hears it.
“I was thinking…now that you know who you are, it could be just as easy as filing the paperwork to get you on Ben’s birth certificate, divorcing Castiel, and marrying me. We could become official Winchesters in less than a month,” Lisa shamelessly begs, unaware Castiel can hear every word from the kitchen.
Dean shuts her down immediately, “I never said I was divorcing Castiel, this entire conversation is inappropriate, Lis. You’re in our home…” he reminds her, tone filled with disgust that’s going right over her head.
“Our home? Well this is my son…who I can easily take back to Missouri if this is how you’re gonna be…” Lisa says, tone gone frigid as she lets the threat hang in the air.
Castiel’s had quite enough as he rounds the corner into the living room, just barely holding back, “Ms. Braeden, if you can’t stick to the boundaries agreed upon I’d appreciate it if you’d leave our house. You can bring Ben back another day or we can meet you at the local park after you’ve had some time to think…” he suggests, as calmly as he can muster with the rage flowing through him at her audacity.
Lisa forces out an angry huff, standing and gathering Ben’s things, “Like I said, we won’t be coming back at all…”
Castiel doubles down, not allowing her to bully them, “And like I said, that’s Dean’s son too. You can’t just cut him out of Ben’s life, birth certificate or not all it takes is DNA…” he trails off, letting it sink in.
Lisa’s eyes go wide as though she didn’t expect the blatant call out, “You’ll be hearing from my lawyer.”
“Good, because you’ll be hearing from ours!” Cas can’t help but shout as Lisa collects Ben and storms out of the house. “We don’t actually have a lawyer,” he mutters to Dean as an aside with a nervous chuckle after he’s sure she’s gone.
“I figured, that’s really only something people say when they’re pissed,” Dean laughs, “She doesn’t have one either, you know…for the record…”
“Good to know,” Castiel nods, flush taking over at his bold move now that the tension has settled. “I hope I didn’t…”
“No, by all means,” Dean assures him, standing from the floor where he and Ben had been playing with blocks just moments before. “She was completely in the wrong, and this is our home. If you hadn’t I would have,” he pauses, shaking his head as he comes to a conclusion, “honestly after this I don’t know what I ever saw in that woman. I’m so done, everyone was right.” He admits, scrubbing a hand across the back of his neck as an embarrassed flush spreads over his face and down his neck.
Normally, Castiel would initiate some sort of physical contact to ease his mates worries. But he’s unsure if that would be welcome or appropriate so he forces himself to stay back, maintain personal space. Instead, he tries to flood his scent with calm, it seems to work as the tension in Dean’s body eases. The alpha shoots him a small smile of thanks, gratitude coming through strongly in his melted marshmallows and smoky campfire.
Turning back to the topic at hand, “I think she knows that, hence the tantrum,” Castiel points out, adding, “So what are your plans…with Ben?” He quickly clarifies, not wanting Dean to feel pressured about their own future as mates.
For the moment, at least he knows that future doesn’t include divorce.
“I’m not letting her just leave with my son…” Dean states with conviction, emerald eyes sparking with determination.
Castiel sits down heavily on the couch causing Dean to follow moments later. Hesitantly, he grabs ahold of his husband’s hand, letting him know, “You’re not alone, we won’t let her take your son.”
_______________________________________________
Dean can hear a soft voice singing, the words are too low to catch but the melody instantly soothes him. She rocks him slowly in her arms as tiny Dean’s eyelids begin to grow heavy, but he forces them open every time. Some part of him all too aware moments like these won’t last much longer.
Dean peeks up, past the yellow sundress he’s captured in his chubby hands and up to her angelic face. A voice murmurs, mother, and it warms his heart knowing it’s true.
Yes, this is his mother.
Flowing wheat blonde hair, kind eyes, and a soft smile.
Mom.
Dean wakes up smiling, he remembered his mom. Or at least her face, and that’s a start.
*****
Dean’s standing at the sink, rinsing dishes and passing them off to another set of hands to put in the dishwasher. Suddenly the second set of hands disappear, only to reappear wrapped around his waist. His body presses back into the warmth as though magnetized, feeling the loss instantly when his mate moves away.
Dean turns, shooting a playful smirk his husband’s way only to find himself captured by Cas’ own enticing stare.
“What?” Cas asks, sapphire eyes softening closer to twin pools of love.
“Nothin’ just happy, I guess,” Dean responds, pressing in for a chaste kiss as they return to the dishes.
“And that was the whole dream?” Cas asks, not even trying to hide his excitement.
Dean nods his head, asking, “Yeah, do you remember that one too?” unable to keep the hopefulness out of his tone.
“To be fair, that was a common occurrence in this house, but I think I do remember that particular night,” Cas responds, nodding thoughtfully. “It was a few days after we found out about Quinn and you were being unusually sappy.” He teases with a soft laugh.
“It’s happening, Cas. Being here, being home with you and Quinn is helping me remember,” Dean whispers, almost as if he’s worried if he says it too loud the Gods will take it back.
He and Cas are somewhere he didn’t expect to find himself for quite some time if ever, the master bedroom. Dean’s been referring to it as Cas’ room for a reason, he had no plans of entering unless invited by the omega.
The invitation came much sooner than expected.
After the blowup with Lisa, Dean was so keyed up he was worried he’d have nightmares as soon as his head hit the pillow. So Cas suggested staying up and talking all night, apparently something they used to do all the time. Of course, the topic of discussion most of the night has been his sporadic memories in dreams.
Dean’s still keeping most of his past on lockdown but he can share the safe memories, easily.
“That would definitely qualify as a happy memory, then,” Dean states, fighting back a yawn as Cas mirrors him.
“Don’t yawn, you’ll make me fall asleep,” Dean whines playfully even though he started it.
“Don’t be an assbutt to the person choosing to stay up with you,” Cas glares at him, playful twinkle still in his cobalt eyes, until he feels properly chastised.
Dean hopes his attempt at Quinn’s puppy dog eyes are apology enough and by the slow switch of the omega’s frown to a soft smile the alpha thinks he lands it.
“Dean?” Cas asks, voice suddenly unsteady, maybe even scared if his scent holds the truth.
“Yeah,” he asks, moving closer out of instinct and resting a hand on Cas’ shoulder.
The omega leans into the touch, eyes briefly fluttering closed before they open again, brilliantly blue as always and staring right back at him.
The spell is broken with his next words, “Do you remember…anything else…yet?”
Dean pulls his hand back, almost curling in on himself as he lies, “…no” before rolling over and staring at the wall. He hates the rotten apple and burnt caramel with hints of rejection floating through the space between them but Dean’s worried if he tells Cas what he’s been dreaming…all of what he’s been dreaming…it’ll somehow change the little house of cards they’ve built around them.
Dean’s mind wanders in circles convincing him to roll over and just talk to his mate one moment then reasserting his need to keep his trauma to himself the next until he realizes his chance has come and gone, Cas is softly snoring at his back.
Disappointment rolls over him like a fog of burnt marshmallows and smoky campfire, mired in this sour mood he eventually falls asleep against his wishes.
“Whatever, jerk,” the distorted voice warbles in annoyance.
“Shut up, bitch!” He retorts, feelings of deja vu flooding his system.
He’s been here before, but of course he has it’s a memory.
The sound of his own laughter mixes with the strangers until it fades and merges with another scene.
“Hey,” Dean says, grabbing onto his omega’s wrist before he climbs out of the rumpled sheets of their bed, “Love you…”
Cas turns, gummy grin locked and loaded as he answers, “’til the wheels fall off…”
Dean leans in to steal a kiss but Cas disappears in a burst of pixels as the scene reconfigures into something else entirely.
Something darker.
“You don’t have to do this man!” Dean shouts, trembling hands held up in the air. The wind whips around him, knocking him off balance slightly as he tries to remain steady on the narrow beams of the bridge.
A distorted chuckle filters through the air, “Oh, but I really do…”
*BANG BANG *
Dean feels searing pain as the bullet tears through meat and muscle, pulverizing flesh to rip its way through his arm. The sensation steals his focus as he’s falling falling falling to a chorus of NoNoNoNoNo, jolted by the splash of water before everything goes black.
Dean pops straight up in bed, jostling Cas’ arm from around his waist along the way and causing the omega to squawk rather indignantly in the process.
Confused by the sudden disturbance, his omega grumpily asks, “Dean, are you okay?”
Dean chokes out in a hushed whisper, “I remember…I remember everything…”
Chapter 9: Shattered Illusions Part I
Chapter Text
Dean pops straight up in bed, jostling Cas’ arm from around his waist along the way and causing him to squawk rather indignantly in the process.
Confused by the sudden disturbance, his omega grumpily asks, “Dean, are you okay?”
Dean chokes out in a hushed whisper, “I remember…I remember everything…”
Ten Years Ago
Dean can’t tear his eyes away from the cerulean orbs pinning him as his knot locks, sending waves of pleasure through he and his mate in tandem.
Cas relaxes into Dean’s arms, allowing him to situate them into a more comfortable position to wait out his knot. Like usual, the alpha finds his hands gravitating to Castiel’s belly where he’s doing his part to grow their first pup. His husband sighs contentedly as he snuggles further into Dean’s embrace, clearly ready to drop off into slumber.
Unfortunately, Dean’s more than a little restless tonight. He can’t get his mind to shut up with everything that’s been going on lately. All the secrets he’s had to keep from Cas. In an attempt to soothe his guilty conscience he blurts out the first safe topic that comes to mind, hoping Cas will humor him with one of their late night talks.
“We still getting dinner tomorrow after your shift?” He asks, unable to keep his pout from peeking through in his tone.
If he could convince Missouri to let him back on schedule seven days a week he’d be in heaven.
Less time to think if you’re always busy.
As it is, tomorrow marks yet another day off he didn’t ask for, so yeah he’s grumpy. Long gone are the days of working extra hours to keep food on the table for he and Sam. Truthfully those days fled as soon as Sammy got old enough to care for himself but Dean still held on until Cas sat him down about two years ago for an ‘intervention’ of sorts.
Now, Dean spends his forced days off doing what Cas calls ‘self care’ and trying to make his mate proud by actually trying. It’s just, his mind is so scattered tonight he can’t help his old feelings on the matter from resurfacing.
The change in his scent causes Cas’ tart green apple and decadent caramel to sharpen with exasperation, repeating familiar words in his low rumble, “Days off aren’t a bad thing, Dean.”
“Yeah, but I miss you and all the kids, the other nurses…well most of them…” Dean continues, well aware he’s whining but unable to stop the train now that it’s left the proverbial station.
Dean can see the concern in the low light of the bedroom as Cas’ eyes crinkle slightly in the corners and his brow furrows. He wonders what’s going on in that brilliant mind of his as he waits for a response. Dean’s already aware he won’t win this argument, he didn’t marry a pushover and that’s what he loves most about Cas. The omega in question is still deep in thought as Dean’s own begin to drift again.
Babygirl will be here in a little over three months and they still don’t have a name for her yet. There’s one, Dean’s been keeping it close to the chest, but every time he calls her by what has to be her name in his head, it feels right.
It feels like her name.
So, in true Dean fashion, he blurts it out without any forethought or context, “Quinn!”
Cas just stares, face contorted with even more confusion, only able to muster a befuddled “Huh?”
Slightly embarrassed by his outburst, Dean explains, “Quinn, you know like Harley Quinn?”
Knowing his omega’s weak spots, he nuzzles into Cas’ neck, hopeful it will help replace his confusion with an enthusiastic ‘yes’ to the name, and maybe a few other things that just popped into his filthy mind.
It seems to be working, Cas moaning a few soft sighs as arousal deepens his scent before he pulls himself together, turning the heat back on Dean, “I know who Harley Quinn is, Dean. You think I’d forget you in those booty shorts and pigtails last Halloween?”
Mmmmm
The alpha can’t help but nip and bite at his omega’s neck with increased fervor, only managing to distract himself from his original goal.
Finally, Cas gets with the program, asking, “You want to name our child after a comic book villain?”
Dean’s more than ready to defend his stance on this topic, having done so many times with his mate, “Hey! DC has the best villains, dude,” he shouts, adding almost shyly in a softer tone, “and I was thinking more along the lines of a strong take no sh*t omega, she may be a little misunderstood but she’s badass…” he continues on, leaving out the unspoken ‘kinda like you’ as he provides facts to back him up before Cas cuts him off.
Rude.
“Dean, and please don’t take this the wrong way baby, but it’ll be a cold day in hell before I name our child after a DC character,” he smirks as Dean’s mouth involuntarily drops open in shock, “Team Marvel all day, every day.”
His husband snuggles deeper into the covers, closing his eyes as though Dean isn’t still frozen, stunned by his sassy little omega.
This is why we married him he whispers to his inner alpha as they growl in agreement.
“Close your mouth and go to sleep, Dean,” he orders playfully knowing the alpha will do just that.
Dean pulls Cas into his arms, falling asleep to his husband’s soft snores.
*****
Dean’s woken up by the steady vibration of his phone on the nightstand, luckily the sound didn’t disturb Cas but he gets up to take the call downstairs in the living room anyway.
“Yeah?” He answers hesitantly, unsure what could possibly be needed this late at night.
By the end of the call, he knows what he has to do but Cas isn’t gonna like it. It shouldn’t take more than an hour or two max but it’s the best option to keep everyone safe, even if it’ll break Cas’ heart.
Speaking of his husband, when he returns to the room Cas has a tall glass of water almost drained in his hands. One that wasn’t there when Dean got up. He jumps slightly, having expected the omega to still be sleeping but recovers quickly as he walks over to the bed.
Huh.
The alpha slides the warm covers back over himself, unsure if Cas overheard his conversation when his mate went downstairs. Since he doesn’t bring it up, Dean wraps his arms around Cas as they fall back into a deep slumber.
*****
Dean tries his best but, as usual, Cas’ alarm wakes him up bright and early on a day he doesn’t need to be up bright and early. Gathering enough strength, he rolls over nudging the omega fully awake before planting a kiss on his cheek and rolling back over.
It’s his day off, after all.
The alpha listens as his omega wanders off into the bathroom, talking to their pup along the way.
“Someone’s laying right on my bladder, aren’t they?” He murmurs, probably rushing to the toilet to relieve himself as usual.
Dean can’t help but snort loudly at Cas' version of events, asking playfully, “Is it the pup or that tall glass of water you insisted on draining when you got up at 2 am?”
He hears the shower cut on a moment after the toilet flushes as Cas calls out teasingly, “Were you saying something? I can’t hear you over the shower…”
Smart ass, but I love him.
Dean decides to try even though he knows he’ll be shot down, asking in a sultry purr, “Ohhh, maybe I should join you then. Make sure you can hear me loud and clear…”
As he thought, his omega instantly declines the offer, “Absolutely not, last time you made me late and Meg’s not coming in today so I have to be on time,” Castiel warns, chuckling at Dean’s groan of disappointment. “There’s always later…”
“Promise?” Dean asks hopefully, he has a longggg list of things he’d like to do to Cas later.
His dirty thoughts are interrupted by his phone ringing yet again, “Hold on I gotta take this…”
“O-okay,” Castiel calls out as the shower continues to run.
Dean steps out into the hall. knowing sound shouldn’t reach Cas from there.
“What is it now?” He demands, already nervous enough about what he has to do today without the added badgering.
Dean listens carefully to the instructions on where to go and what to do, painfully aware he’ll have to forego his planned Dr. Sexy marathon, along with his meat lovers to get this done in time.
Goddamnit.
Realizing he needs a good cover for when he walks back into their bedroom, Dean calls out, “We need to do something to take Sam’s mind off of the anniversary…”
Dean feels disgusting using Jess’ death this way, but it isn’t like the statement isn’t true.
Miss you everyday…
He listens, hearing Cas’ shuddering breaths as he takes the words in. Cas and Jess were closer than in laws, more like brother and sister. He took her death hard and whatever they plan, Dean knows he’ll have to be there for his mate as much as Sam.
It’s gonna be an emotional day.
Finally, Cas speaks though his tone is weak and shaky making Dean feel like even more of an ass for bringing it up, “Yeah, sure…”
Sadness filters into the room, causing Cas’ green apples to go rotten with burnt caramel mixed in.
Dean curses that asshole everyday for missing.
He listens as the shower cuts off, Cas making his reappearance completely in the nude.
Yessssss.
Dean tracks his omega’s movements from the bathroom to the closet, not even trying to keep the arousal out of his marshmallows and campfire.
“You’re sure we can’t…?” Dean begs, hopeful emerald eyes fixed on his husband as he pulls out briefs and socks to put on.
“No, Dean,” Cas immediately cuts him off, he can tell he isn’t far off from a yes with the gummy grin spreading his adorkable face but the alpha won’t push.
His very own Dr. Sexy has work to do, Dean can respect that.
After pulling on his favorite Stitch scrubs and making sure to grab his wallet and keys, Cas bends down over the bed, leaving Dean with a lingering kiss to remember him by.
“Dinner at 7. Don’t be late,” his mate teases, nipping at Dean’s bottom lip as he pulls away. “Oh! And remember to record your video for today.”
Right, Quinn’s video.
Anna admitted she stole the idea from a friend, but he’ll be forever grateful she shared it with he and Cas. Dean secretly loves capturing all the moments and thoughts he’s had during their journey to pup number one.
One of hopefully several, but they have time now that he’s gotten over his fear of becoming an abusive alcoholic like John Winchester.
Not to mention his other accolades.
Dean could never be anything like that waste of space alpha.
He knows Cas finds it sappy at times, but he often finds himself almost compelled to make more than one video in a day. Even bringing the camera out with them or using his phone so he can capture every little thing he may want Quinn to know some day. Yes, Quinn, because that is her name whether Cas is ready to admit it or not. He’ll wear him down one way or the other.
“Dinner at 7, got it. Wouldn’t miss it for the world,” he murmurs, placing a hand over Cas’ belly before he steps away completely. “Be good little pup, Papa will see you later.”
*****
Knowing he won’t have time for it later, Dean throws on his favorite tee to lounge around the house in, makes him bark a laugh every time thanks to Charlie, before pulling up the video option on his phone. Propping it up on the nightstand, Dean begins to speak to his babygirl, “We won’t let your Daddy hear this,” Dean pauses, pretending to look around to make sure the coast is clear, “Good morning, Quinn. I’m gonna wear him down on that name because I just know that’s my baby girls name…”
He can feel his cheeks widening slightly with a soft smile as he looks down, peering back up into the camera, heart full to bursting with joy.
“Let’s see,” he pauses, counting out on his hands, “In less than three months you’ll be right here in my arms…I promise to be the best Papa I can be…better than…” he stops, unable to get the words out.
John.
He was gonna say better than John, but is he really? Dean’s being a f*cking hypocrite right now, about to put himself in danger. Something that could take him away from his pup before she’s even in this world. How is that any better than John’s abandonment?
But if it keeps her safe, it’s worth it.
“Right now you’re tagging along with Daddy at work, I can’t wait to see you both for dinner. I love you sooooo much babygirl,” Dean sighs blissfully, signing off by blowing a kiss to the camera.
It’s worth it, they’re worth everything.
*****
It doesn’t hit him until he’s sitting in the driveway, leaving the house for his ‘mission’, that he didn’t tell Cas he loves him or Quinn for that matter. In lieu of the words, he shoots off a meme of a cat chasing a bumblebee knowing Cas will love it. And what is love if not sending memes to your omega that you’re well aware will make him go awwww in that sappy but sweet tone Cas gets when he sees something cute.
Dean would like to think he’s learned at least a little bit about being a decent husband over the years.
Patting himself on the back for his good deed while also wanting to bash his face in for what he’s about to do, Dean guides Baby down the driveway and onto the road, pointing her towards the Missouri/Kansas border.
Less than two hours and life will be back to normal.
Dean’s first stop is to the ATM, praying it won’t flag him for taking the required amount of money out in one withdrawal. It wouldn’t do to have Cas worrying before he gets a chance to explain.
He looked it up and their bank limits withdrawals to $5,000 a day at the ATM so really this will be more of a down payment, but it’s all of their savings and a little from checking. The alpha hopes it’s enough. Dean hates pulling the money designated for the ‘baby moon’, as Cas insists on calling it, but he can make it back if he works overtime for the next few weeks. Bali is surprisingly cheap, they really only need about $,2000 for the trip, he’s done more for less for his mate.
Cas deserves the world.
Once the money’s retrieved, Dean climbs back into Baby driving the rest of the way to the random ass bridge he was told to meet at. It’s in a part of Kansas City he’s never been to, very industrial, but Dean ignores most of the scenery as his nerves begin to build.
Tends to happen when someone threatens the people he loves most.
Checking his watch, he sees it’s about time for Cas’ lunch. Dean hasn’t been able to read his messages in a few hours with all the driving around but when he picks it up he’s met with a blank screen, it’s gone dead. With a heavy sigh, knowing he’ll be in for an earful later for not responding to his mate, Dean gets out of the car to get this done and dusted. The alpha has a dinner date with his love he promised not to miss. Grabbing the nondescript duffle bag he figured was best for this scenario, Dean starts to slowly make his way over to the meeting point.
About halfway across the bridge he realizes he left his wallet and phone on the dash, he hesitates just for a moment before deciding it’s too much of a hassle to go back. The phones dead anyway, he’ll be back for both shortly.
A sparkling red and gold motorcycle pulls up on the opposite side of the bridge with what looks like a black Charger following behind it. The man on the motorcycle dismounts, keeping his helmet on until he’s about halfway to where Dean’s waiting on the bridge.
Dean recognizes him immediately, body shuddering outside of his own control with disgust he’s even here as the alpha shouts, “Let’s get this over with, I have…some of the money. I can get you the rest soon, I just need some time…”
The leader of The Fallen arches a brow, “Some of the money…that wasn’t our agreement Deano. I told you what would happen if you didn’t do exactly as I said…”
“I know…and I can get you the money just not all by today, this was extremely short notice, dude!” Dean shouts, wind distorting his voice as he tries to negotiate.
“We seem to be misunderstanding each other…you’re not in control here, Dean. You never were,” he cackles menacingly, pulling something from behind his back as Dean catches the glint seconds too late.
Dean barely has a second to plead, trembling hands held up in the air at the introduction of a gun, “You don’t have to do this man!”
The wind whips around him, knocking him off balance slightly as he tries to remain steady on the narrow beams of the bridge.
The man’s distorted chuckle filters through the air, “Oh, but I really do…”
*BANG BANG*
A voice bellows from behind the man, “Noooooo!”
Dean feels searing pain as the bullet tears through meat and muscle, pulverizing flesh to rip its way through his arm. The sensation steals his focus as he’s falling falling falling to a chorus of NoNoNoNoNo, jolted by the splash of water before everything goes black.
As he falls, the ghost of sapphire eyes bore into his soul, leaving a mark, a promise to see him again.
Love you, my omega.
Chapter 10: Shattered Illusions Part II
Chapter Text
Castiel clutches to his alpha as he struggles through retelling the terror he went through, thinking his life was over and he’d never see his family again.
“And that’s it…no clue who called me there or why I was meeting him…” Dean finishes, scent mired in doubt and confusion along with more than a little anger. “I didn’t get the chance to see who was in the car behind him. Those parts are still a little fuzzy but this…this is f*cking insane, Cas…”
“The Fallen…why would you be mixed up with them?” Castiel asks cautiously, worried Dean may have been in more danger than he originally feared.
The question seems to throw Dean, his viridescent eyes go blank for a moment before his scent is awash in regret, a hint of fear, and a heavy dose of sorrow.
That can’t be good.
Dean takes his hand, “First off, let me just say how happy I am to see you babe. I feel a million times worse about Lisa now that I remember you,” he admits, lips quirking into a soft smile as his hands shake along with his voice. “Just in case you decide we’re through after this, I love you and Quinn more than anything in this world…”
“What is this about, Dean?” Castiel demands breathlessly, beginning to get a bad feeling low in his gut.
Dean pauses before telling a story Castiel’s never heard in all the years they’ve been together.
“There are things…things I never shared with you because I thought they were left in my past. I’m starting to think I was wrong and not dealing with this sh*t back then may have put us all in danger…” his husband pauses, dragging a hand roughly down his face in an effort to hide the tears sliding slowly down his cheeks before continuing thickly, “I should have given you the chance to back out but I thought everything died with my dad…”
Castiel’s alarmed but he can tell, even after that speech, Dean’s still having trouble opening up so he squeezes his hand in reassurance. At the same time, the omega tries to push past the fear in his own scent and flood the space between them with comfort. At the end of the day, if Dean kept something from him there must have been a good reason and the alpha needs his support now more than his ridicule.
“Go ahead, I’m listening,” he urges, ignoring the growing twisting wrong feeling in his gut.
Seemingly buoyed, Dean begins to speak, “My dad…John…he uh…just like he was a sh*t dad he was a dirty cop so basically an asshole all around,” he pauses again, continuing at Castiel’s encouraging nod.
He won’t openly admit his lack of shock from the revelation, the few things he’s heard about the man being enough to convince Castiel of his treachery.
“Sure, he answered to the chief like every other officer but he got his real orders from the previous leader of The Fallen, Azazel.” Dean pushes on, almost on autopilot now that he’s begun, “John’s the main reason I didn’t join the force, even though I easily could have. Sure, it would have been pretty damn awkward to work next to the motherf*cker that tried to beat me straight but I stayed clear of John for more than just his bigotry,” he explains with a disgusted huff as his story continues, “He was a f*cking criminal, scary one at that. I wanted nothing to do with him but Sammy kinda drank the kool-aid, swore he’d change the police force from the inside.”
His husband sighs deeply, features taking on a weary look as his voice falters, “I…I couldn’t do it, left it to Sam and the others, figured I’d find somewhere else to leave my mark. Somewhere that wasn’t bathed in the stink of John Winchester. I think…I think I did a pretty good job up until that day…”
Dean’s eyes get a faraway look, one Castiel doesn’t like. The omega reaches up, cradling his husband’s face in his hands and trying to anchor him.
“You are one of the most compassionate, patient, amazing nurses I know, Dean. You did a wonderful job, baby.”
Castiel can’t help but punctuate his words with a soft brush of lips to his mate’s cheek, painfully aware Dean’s memory returning isn’t an automatic on switch to the physical aspects of their strained relationship.
Still, the warmth immediately returns to both Dean’s glass greens as well as his melted marshmallows and smoky campfire.
That’s better.
His alpha’s able to continue from there, “I didn’t find out until he was gone but when Dad went off the rails after Mom died it was because he was convinced Azazel put a hit out on Mom. Swore in his journal that he did it because Dad wanted out, wanted to go straight for his family.” Dean snorts a mirthless chuckle, “If he was right, it was the last good thing he tried to do for us and it got mom killed. He claimed in the journal that Azazel paid some lower level goon in the fire department to kill her and make it look like an accident,” Dean reveals, voice breaking as he explains, “But the thing is…Azazel’s long gone, probably killed by John for all I know, and we keep to ourselves. Something isn’t adding up, there’s no reason or cause for me to be called to a meeting with the goddamn leader of the gang shaking me down for money and attempting to f*cking kill me.”
His husband’s voice lowers, talking to himself mostly as he brainstorms out loud, “Maybe Sammy can tell us if they have open cases with any…” Dean pauses, eyes squinting with indignation as a lightbulb goes off he says, “and for that matter where the f*ck is Sam?” apparently just now realizing his little brother’s absence now that the alpha remembers almost everything.
Castiel rubs what he hopes is a soothing hand up and down Dean’s arm, attempting to calm him down as he answers, “In the stupidest game of telephone ever played by f*cking adults, Sam told Brady to tell Vic that he’s on a stakeout. One that Vic gave him the option to have reassigned so he could be here…”
He tries to break the news slowly, still unsure why Sam didn’t bring his overgrown ass over as soon as Dean got back from the hospital. Castiel may have had time to get used to this unreliable version of Sam but Dean hasn’t. With how close the brothers were before his disappearance the omega isn’t sure how his mate will react but he’s ready for anything.
Although, as it turns out he had no reason to be worried, at least not yet.
Dean takes it in stride, going silent for a moment before changing the subject instead of acknowledging his feelings on the matter like a true Winchester. Castiel can’t help but roll his eyes as Dean inquires, “Can we call Charlie over? I know it’s late but this is gonna dig into my brain until we figure it out…I wanna know we’re safe…”
Castiel gives him the ‘we’ll talk about this later’ look he knows Dean despises, heart bursting at the returned ‘not in a million years’ glare with raised eyebrow he thought he’d never see again before giving in, “She’s probably still up anyway,” Castiel reasons seeing it isn’t even past 2 AM as he picks up the phone to call their friend.
As suspected, Charlie answers with artificial blasts and explosions ringing in the background, asking, “What’s up Blue Eyes?” around a mouthful of food.
Cutting to the chase, Castiel explains, “Dean remembers the day he went missing but there are some details we could use your help with, can you come over?”
Castiel hears the clatter of what could only be her controller hitting the coffee table as the alpha shouts, “Be there in five!” before disconnecting the call.
“I guess she’ll be here in five, “ Dean smirks, “Gods I missed you guys…”
“Not as much as we missed you…” Castiel can’t help but respond sharply, hurt invading his scent against his will.
They both know it’s the truth, Dean couldn’t miss people he didn’t remember but they all felt his absence painfully over the last ten years.
“I’m so sorry, Cas…I had every intention of making it home to you and Quinn,” Dean apologizes, emerald eyes clouded over with regret as it alters his scent.
Castiel soothes, “I know, Dean. I knew the whole time, you’ve seen the videos…”
Dean hesitates, “…yeah at first I wasn’t gonna watch those but Quinn insisted. Now, I’m glad I did, it helped me understand what you went through…a lot better than if you’d just told me now.”
With Castiel’s permission, Quinn included personal videos ‘talking’ to Dean in their Memory Bootcamp, videos which became more like therapy over the years. He’d recorded them with no intention of ever letting Dean watch them if he was found, feeling they came across hysterical and angry half the time putting his depression on full display. But, Castiel’s glad to hear they were of some help to Dean.
“It wasn’t…easy having half the town think me crazy for believing in you, including my own brother in law at times. But, I do feel a certain sense of vindication now that you’re back,” Castiel can’t help but admit with a sly smirk.
“f*ck them,” Dean agrees, lips quirking into a grin at Castiel’s candor.
“Part of me wishes Walker and Trenton were still down at the station so I could shove it in their faces as well,” Castiel huffs a snort, explaining, “They essentially called me a dried up omega that tricked you into marrying and mating me…told everyone you ran because you were afraid to be like your father.”
“Those asshats? Walker was definitely dirty and if he was partnered with Trenton chances are he was too,” Dean shakes his head, eyes briefly shifting alpha red, “this is why I wanted Charlie to come over…”
And right as she’s mentioned, the lady herself appears texting that she’s at the front door. Smart move since Castiel would prefer to avoid waking Quinn up.
“Charlie’s out front, let’s go down and we can continue this discussion with her,” he explains, grabbing on to Dean’s wrist to leverage him out of the bed.
Charlie blows through the front door like a tornado with Vic, Anna, and Benny trailing behind her.
“Oh,” Castiel croaks in surprise, suddenly feeling underdressed in his t-shirt and boxers, “you brought…everyone…”
“Of course I did,” Charlie snorts a laugh, “This is huge, Avengers assemble huge…”
Dean groans from behind him, whining, “Oh gods, did he turn you Charlie??”
Castiel tries, he really does, to stifle his laugh but it breaks through anyway. The astonished look on his mates face is too hilarious, evidenced by the tears of laughter streaming down Castiel’s.
For her part, Charlie giggles loudly before teasing, “Maybe he got all of us Dean…you’ll never know,” waggling her eyebrows before quickly shifting gears, talking over Dean’s playful affronted gasp, “Let’s get to it, what do you remember?”
Castiel herds everyone into the living room in hopes they won’t get too loud. Once they’re all seated on the couches and floor, Dean spends the next twenty minutes relaying the dream/memory he had right before they called Charlie, to everyone’s rapt attention.
Vic’s taking pages of notes while Charlie’s typing madly on her laptop. Benny’s sitting on the couch, appearing silent but Castiel can tell his mind is going a mile a minute examining all the clues. Anna’s as supportive as always, glued to his side warm hand wrapped around his own.
“And you could only identify the leader? Not the occupant of the other vehicle?” Vic clarifies, eyebrows scrunched in a puzzled manner.
Dean shakes his head no, scent growing more frustrated by the second at the persisting blank spots in his memory.
Charlie pipes up in the nick of time, “I may have something but, not gonna lie…it’s bad…” she looks up, green eyes filled with genuine betrayal as it filters into her scent. Briefly her eyes flick to his and a cold shiver runs down his spine, somehow he knows.
No…
There’s no way…he couldn’t…but he’s the only missing face here…the only person…
Charlie begins to read off what she’s found, “A black Charger was caught on street cameras leaving Lawrence the day of Dean’s disappearance, license plate shows its registered to Nick ‘Lucifer’ Morningstar….”
Castiel trusted him…gave him chance after chance…and…
She only hesitates a moment before gasping out, “Sam’s driving the Charger and Brady’s riding shotgun…” head dropping into her hands as the truth finally hits them all.
“Sammy?” Dean asks, unable to keep the despair out of his scent, “No…he couldn’t…why?” The words escape him, choked out in a pained whisper as his eyes glimmer with tears.
“Are you sure, Charlie?” Castiel demands, wanting with every fiber of his being for her to be wrong.
Sam’s had his issues since Dean’s disappearance but nothing that would make Castiel believe he was capable of this.
Why?
“Believe me I checked several times before I said anything but, if I’m being honest it tracks,” Charlie continues amidst everyones collective denials, “Wait! Think about it, really think about it.” She implores them, continuing when she has everyone’s full attention, “Sam’s done nothing but try to push Cas to declare Dean dead since he went missing. He only waited a few months, I remember you calling the first time he brought it up in tears…”
Vic and Anna nod in agreement having been with him for that call. Benny’s eyes have gone owlish and Dean’s fuming at his side listening to the disturbing news.
She powers on through, “He’s brought it up over and over against your wishes for years even trying to call your parenting into question to gaslight you into doing what he wants. But why would a supposedly ‘distraught brother’ want that when it would stop the search? It never made sense…”
Benny speaks up, “I uh…I agree, I’ve seen things at work that I overlooked chalkin’ it up to coping while grievin’ but…Sam’s been hangin’ out with Ruby for awhile now, and well, you know Ruby,” Benny mutters, no further words needed to get his point across.
Everyone in town knows Ruby Cortese, the mayor’s daughter fallen from grace now more well known for her ability to talk men of all designations into her bed and money out of their wallets. Usually she blows the earnings on her drug of choice for the week only to repeat the process with the next idiot.
How Sam could have been dumb enough to get involved with an omega like her is beyond Castiel’s understanding. Sam was seventeen when he and Dean met, he witnessed many a talk between the two brothers warning Sam to be careful who he hangs around, yet and still here they are.
Charlie chimes in once again, unable to keep the thrill of the search out of her voice, “Running with this theory, I’ve been looking into Sam a little more for the past few minutes. Something I never thought to do before, though I’m starting to wish I had…he’s got a storage unit he pays on every month in Missouri. Big enough to fit a car…”
“You think…?” Vic asks, already knowing the answer, “I’ll call it in, text me the address…” he orders as he leaves the room to make the call.
Dean is reeling from the news, face gone ashen as he stares unblinkingly at the wall in front of him. Castiel could suffuse his scent with all the calm and love in the world and it wouldn’t penetrate, not this level of betrayal. The omega may feel his own brand of the emotion on a surface level but the bond between brothers is an entirely different animal.
“What do you need?” He asks Dean in a whisper meant to remain between the two of them.
Dean continues to stare, unmoving, until finally he whispers back, “Just you…”
“I can do that,” Castiel agrees, wrapping the trembling alpha in his arms as they wait for news from the team Vic sent to the storage unit.
It doesn’t take more than thirty minutes for them to mobilize and converge on the unit. As they feared, inside the officers find Baby with Dean’s phone and wallet still sitting on the dash just as he’d left them.
“Billie's on the way with Dean’s phone, I’m allowing you to do this one time Charlie only because it’s an emergency,” Vic clarifies, explaining his abrupt reversal on using her personal computer to access police resources, “Leave everything as you found it so we can have it analyzed through ‘official channels’ afterwards.”
“Sir, yes sir,” She responds, throwing up the Vulcan salute and practically salivating at the mere mention of being able to search Dean’s phone.
“Ca-can we go out back, Cas?” Dean asks, shooting pained peridot eyes his way before fixing them back on the wall.
Nodding, Castiel follows Dean out of the room without another word as the chatter goes on without them. The backyard is a bit overgrown with nothing but their rusted grill sitting perched against the facade of the house. His husband stands in the middle of the calf high grass peering up into the sky, unseeing.
“Do you think this is why I can’t remember him, just flashes from when we were kids? Like Missouri said…something so bad happened my brain’s been trying to protect me…this is it, isn’t it?” He asks in a low tone, naked anger and pain laced in his stricken voice.
A cool breeze whips through the yard, kicking up debris and reminding Castiel they’re only in undershirts and boxers. His skin pebbles up with goosebumps but he won’t dare suggest they go inside. If this is what his alpha needs, Castiel will stand by his side until the end of time.
“It’s possible…” he finally answers, wishing he could deny it but his professional opinion agrees, “the psychological trauma attached to a betrayal on this level along with the physical trauma sustained on the bridge could manifest into a block of the person who caused the original trauma. That person in this case being, Sam.”
Dean turns to face him, eyes red rimmed and puffy. He’s given up trying to wipe the moisture from his face as its replaced within seconds, the mission would be futile. Castiel watches small drips form on the front of his mate’s shirt, physical evidence of his agony.
“I…I don’t wanna remember if it means…” Dean gasps a shuddering breath as his sentence is cut short with mangled sobs, shaking his hunched form in the low morning light.
Castiel makes the few steps to catch his alpha before he hits the hard ground, cradling him in his arms as he fully breaks down. The unspoken words remain lingering in the air ‘if it means losing Sam’.
But, Sam’s already lost.
Chapter 11: Trapped in the Void
Chapter Text
By the time they make it back inside, Dean feels like a popsicle. But, he needed the space to think, even if that meant going out in the freezing cold in just his boxers and undershirt. Silently, he thanks his omega for standing by his side the entire time as he notices Cas is just as cold as he is. The alpha pulls a blanket off the back of the couch, draping it over the both of them as they reclaim their seats.
Billie’s just leaving after handing the phone off to Charlie and expressing her condolences to Dean, he can catch up with his old friend later. For now, his focus is on Charles and hopefully getting his old phone turned on so they finally get some answers to all the questions cluttering his thoughts.
Luckily, it’s just a matter of finding an old iPhone charger compatible with his now ancient phone and turning it on. No hacking necessary. Still, the shock ripples through the room as Charlie begins to read his text thread with Sam out loud. The alpha starts with the time closest to Dean’s disappearance.
“Dean sent Sam a text a few weeks prior to his disappearance asking Sam if he’d thought about rehab anymore,” Charlie gasps, “sh*t…this just gets worse the more you read on. It looks like Sam had a pretty bad drug problem after Jess died. It seems like the main thing you guys would talk about was him getting help but right before you went missing he asked you for help with The Fallen.”
Dean’s fears coalesce, roiling in his gut as Charlie reads on. Cas is a firm source of comfort at his side, his omega wrapping his strong arms around Dean as his world falls apart for the second time in less than two hours. He didn’t want to believe it but here’s the proof, or at least part of it.
“The last few texts you sent referenced a call you received from Brady that morning with the location and a conversation you’d had with Sam the night before. The texts stop after that…”
Dean remembers why now, his phone died shortly after he left the house. While he was on his way to the drop point his brother helped to lure him to.
f*ck!
Vic shakes his head in denial, “No, I wanna hear straight from his mouth because this is…” the alpha doesn’t finish his sentence, turning away from the others swiping an angry hand across his face as Anna pulls him in the other room to talk privately.
“Wish I’d spoken up sooner about Ruby…” Benny says, ice blue eyes sorrowful as though the weight of the world is on his shoulders.
But, this isn’t on Benny. It isn’t even on Dean and surprisingly he can recognize that for once. He’s spent his entire life protecting Sammy from the worst, foregoing his own goals at times to cheer for his little brother. Sammy had a choice, he willingly passed up the opportunity to warn Dean…to bring Vic in on what was happening…or even stand tall and take what was coming to him but he chose to put his own brother in danger knowing Dean had a pup on the way and a mate waiting for him to come home.
“I…I can’t,” Dean rasps out, “This is too much, I f*cking…”
The alpha feels like if he doesn’t leave this room, this house, he’s gonna explode on the wrong person and feel awful about it later.
Charlie provides a better alternative without even realizing as she pipes up, “While everyone was talking I pinged Sam’s phone to a warehouse not far from that storage unit. Whaddya say we go bring him in so we can ask him ‘What the actual frack?’ in person?”
Vic comes rushing back into the room, hearing Charlie from the dining room, “You got a location?”
“Yup,” Charlie confirms, popping the p in a way that would usually have him snorting a laugh but not today.
Part of Dean is screaming not to move one inch off this couch for fear of what he’ll do if given the chance but the other half wants his pound of flesh, no matter who it’s coming from. The alpha lost valuable time he can never get back with his mate and pup, that’s not something he can just let go of.
“Okay, Charlie send us the details and we’ll head out. You stay here and keep an eye on things just in case,” Vic orders, already kissing Anna goodbye and on his way out the door when Dean finds his voice and calls out.
“Can we go?” He asks hopefully, tone wavering with anger.
“Absolutely not, no offense Winchester but I don’t quite trust your judgment right now, you can speak with Sam when we bring him in. But, I will authorize Charlie to set up a feed from our body cams,” Vic offers, smiling sadly at their nods of agreement before walking outside.
Anna stays behind, plopping into the now vacant armchair in the corner and blowing out a whoosh of air, “I don’t even know how to feel right now.”
“Join the club, sister,” Charlie agrees, typing quickly on her magic laptop. “He became like the group little brother, but too much of this adds up, he had some role in Dean’s disappearance there’s no way around it.”
Charlie works on getting the feed set up while they wait for Vic’s message that they’ve arrived. By the time the message comes through they’ve been watching blank screens for fifteen minutes. Within seconds the images come to life, clear enough to see they’re approaching the warehouse from a few different angles. Vic and Billie come from the front while Benny runs around from the side with another officer Dean isn’t familiar with. They have a few other officers hanging back in the rear, trying to remain as silent as possible to avoid detection. It’s going well until Ruby slams the door open, before Benny manages to get inside, aiming a gun his way and shooting several times. They watch in horror as the alpha hits the ground, body cam now giving a sideways view of Ruby running back inside. The air in the room fills with a miasma of concern, fear, and anger before the alpha manages to to lift his thumb up within camera view letting them know he’s injured but alive.
Collectively, they release sighs of relief as Benny calls an ambulance for himself choking out words around labored breathing into his radio.
Elsewhere in the building, Billie’s backing Vic and another officer up as they enter the main room where Sam is tied to a chair. His brother’s been visibly beaten to an alarming degree but he raises his head up just enough to show he’s not dead, whispering, “It’s a trap, get out!”
The warning is too late as Lucifer strolls around the corner, gun aimed for Billie as she smoothly slides back behind the wall she’d been using for cover before they spotted Sam. Ruby comes in behind Lucifer, gun aimed at Vic who drops behind a stack of flattened boxes to the left. Bullets rain through the air, mostly missing their targets, as they ping off of any surface in the way before stopping abruptly.
“Bring Dean out so we can finish this and I'll give back Sasquatch here,” Lucifer implores in a sickly sweet tone.
“Dean’s not here, we don’t make a habit of bringing civilians to raids,” Vic taunts from his spot behind the boxes.
“Well, get him here. I know you can do that,” Lucifer demands, gun firmly pointed on Sam, “Or I’ll shoot this pain in the neck like I should have ten years ago!”
Charlie shouts, “Score! He just admitted to having some level of involvement, on camera. Take that bitches!”
Dean can’t suppress the eye roll he points Charlies way but she’s right, that’s enough to at least put Lucifer in cuffs for further questioning.
A bright spot on a bleak f*cking day.
Tuning back into the proceedings on the screen, he catches the tail end of Vic’s comment, “…but Dean isn’t dead and I bet that’s a huge problem for you, isn’t it?”
“Ohhhh, I see what you’re trying to do there, officer. It won’t work, not on me,” Lucifer chuckles darkly, training the gun on Vic and away from Sam toying with them both.
Vic shouts back, “Why? Because you’re too smart?”
“No, because you’re boring me,” Lucifer answers casually as he takes another shot at Vic’s hiding place.
Anna flinches, clutching a throw pillow as she watches her mate evade Lucifer’s attempts to kill him. Dean reaches out, taking her hand in the hope of showing his support. She turns grateful but tearful green eyes on him before dragging them back to her mate on the screen.
“I keep telling Sammy here, none of this would be necessary if he’d just done what I asked in the first f*cking place,” Lucifer rambles on, saying a lot but none of it exactly useful.
Dean catches a glimpse of another officer creeping up behind Lucifer unbeknownst to him or Ruby. It’s over in seconds, the officers aim is true as he takes Ruby out first with a headshot and Lucifer moments later with two shots in the back through his chest.
Dean can’t say he feels relieved, Lucifer may not have revealed everything but it was enough to confirm his brother’s involvement.
A sick twist of despair and rage fills his gut, filtering through into his scent and drenching the space with his sorrows. The image switches to Vic putting Sam into cuffs after untying him and walking him out to the police car, head hung rightfully in shame. Unaware the tears he was holding back have escaped, Dean startles slightly when his omega reaches up to brush the moisture from his cheeks before wrapping his arms around the alpha in a strong embrace.
“I’m here, baby…” Cas whispers, over and over as though saying it enough will reassure Dean he isn’t alone.
It works to a degree, Dean’s just glad no ones uttered the dreaded ‘it’s going to be okay’ because none of this will ever be okay. Sam’s ripped his heart out and put it in a f*cking blender. The one person he was ready to spill everything to in his first days back is nothing but a traitor, almost worse than John because at least with him you knew what you were getting up front. Sam hid behind a believable mask of brotherly love and undying support only to leave Dean hanging out to dry in the end.
Gods, this f*cking hurts…
The feed goes dark and seconds later Charlie’s phone is ringing, she puts it on speaker after answering, “Hey, boss. Should we head to the station?”
“Yes, Charlie,” he answers, remaining stoic on the call but Dean’s sure arresting Sam can’t be easy for him either.
Anna promises to stay with Quinn while they rush out to Charlie’s car, taking the fifteen minute ride down to the station to confront Sam.
“Vic texted, Benny’s fine it was just a graze on his leg and a through and through in his shoulder. Nothing life threatening, thank the gods,” Charlie relays after their short ride to the station leaves them sitting quietly in the car outside, delaying the inevitable.
After another fifteen minutes of sitting, Dean decides it better to rip the bandaid off now, hopping out of the car and storming determinedly into the station with his husband and best friend trailing behind him.
Vic comes up as soon as he spots Dean, “Talk, Winchester,” he emphasizes, adding, “I don’t want to see him come out of there with any injuries he didn’t go in with…”
“Got it,” Dean agrees, not planning on wasting his time putting his hands on Sam anyway.
The alpha’s been beaten enough not to want to inflict that pain on someone else, they saw enough of that growing up. No, he wants answers and that can’t happen if Sam’s too afraid or hurt to speak to him. Vic takes the couple to the interview room where Sam’s being held, leaving them alone but warning everything’s being recorded before he departs.
Dean hesitates once again before walking in, only gathering the courage once his mate grabs his hand. It gives him enough push to walk through the door and face his brother after ten years of not even remembering he had one.
Sammy looks…haggard and used up to be honest. Dean’s astonished no one else could see the sunken eyes, thin frame, sharp bones, and greasy hair without immediately concluding he’s not well. Revelations of drug dealing and using aside, Sam doesn’t look anywhere near healthy.
sh*t.
If Dean was the only reason Sam was attempting to keep his life close to the straight and narrow this must be what happens when he’s not there to rescue his little brother anymore.
Who are you without me?
Used up and alone, hiding in fear of the big bad wolf finally catching up to him. The one he fed his brother to with no qualms and had the unmitigated gall to turn around and comfort his omega when he knew what happened all along.
Dean realizes in that moment he shouldn’t be expressing these feelings in an internal f*cking monologue when the person responsible is sitting right in front of him. Sam’s trying his best to use goddamn puppy dog eyes to soften the blow, completely futile in comparison to the sh*t they’re knee deep in thanks to him, its f*cking laughable.
“This…this is uncharted territory for us, Sam,” Dean croaks, clearing his dry throat as he continues to speak, “What the f*ck, man?”
“I know it looks bad, Dean…” Sam begins to explain.
Dean cuts him off with a scoff, “Looks bad? Looks ba-I missed ten f*cking years of my daughters life, ten years with my mate because of you!” He screams, anger finally pushing him to let it out, to make sure Sam understands what he took from him is irreplaceable.
Dean will never get Quinn’s first words back or her first steps and first day of school, all the missed date nights and night time foot rubs, the planned Winchester-Novak pups numbers two-four, ten years of ‘I love you’s’ and whispered fears, hopes and dreams late at night when the pups are sleeping, all gone because of choices someone else made.
But, that’s been the soundtrack to his life starting with his father getting his mother killed. It’s all a series of decisions leading to misery for Dean at the hands of another.
The alpha’s beyond done living that life.
Sam stammers, trying to get a word in, “D…I’m…”
Dean cuts him off, not willing to hear anymore, “No…you called me for help and I came, that’s what we always did for each other and that ones on me. But you knew what I was walking in to…you knew what I had to lose. You made a choice not to warn me and you helped them cover it up for years,” Dean pauses, knowing it has to be done but still wrecked having to say the words, “I-I didn’t think it would ever come to this but I never wanna see you again, Sam. I’m done…” Dean chokes out in a strangled whisper before walking out with Charlie at his heels, unable to stand one more second in the room with the man he used to consider a brother.
_______________________________________________
Castiel’s shoulders drop as he listens to Dean address Sam. When Dean makes his proclamation, even he feels the stab in his heart at the words, watching as his alpha leaves the room with a cloud of despair following in his wake. He motions to Charlie for her to follow, he has a little more to say to Sam before she takes them home.
The omega starts simply, asking the same question Dean did but waiting for an answer this time, “Why?”
“It’s not that simple…” Sam begins to explain.
Castiel cuts him off, “Make it simple, I’m listening…”
“Alright,” Sam responds tentatively, appearing more than fearful as he begins to share his side of the story.
Eleven Years Ago
Sam rounds the corner, eyes dipping back behind him occasionally to make sure he isn’t being followed. He wants to be sure this lead is for real before bringing it back to Vic. Being so new, he doesn’t want to look like an idiot if it’s nothing, but to possibly have something to take down Lucifer for good? It’s everything Sam’s been working for since he joined the force wanting to end the corruption that claimed both his parents lives. Mary through no fault of her own, but John made things so much worse.
Sam has vowed to be better than his poor excuse for a father, starting with adhering to the oath he took when he was sworn in as an officer three years ago. Winchesters will no longer be the face of crooked cops if he has anything to say about it, and with a mate working under the ADA they don’t have anything standing in the way of them cleaning up this town.
Starting with removing The Fallen from the board entirely.
Sam’s halfway to the location when his phone buzzes with a text from an unknown number.
Huh.
The beta swipes to open only to be met with the lifeless blue eyes of Jess, his mate. He can’t process what he’s seeing. Blood spatter across her neck, mouth slightly gaping in death, eyes wide but unseeing as she lays golden curls spread around her head which rests on scattered papers.
Court.
Sam’s heart starts beating again, moving him into action as he rushes back in the opposite direction, towards the court building downtown. Thoughts of taking down The Fallen the furthest from his mind in the face of losing his world.
*****
Sam stumbles out of the bar, barely keeping himself upright as he tries to find his car. No matter how many times he clicks the button he can’t hear the answering ding until he remembers he didn’t drive here.
Oh.
Turning, Sam begins the trek home only tripping once but losing his shoe down a drain in the process. The beta pouts as he makes his way home, they were good shoes he got on sale. His inner thoughts halt abruptly when he realizes he isn’t alone. Up ahead on a bench, a pretty brunette omega has her eyes glued to him.
Maybe this night won’t end so bad after all.
Sam approaches, trying to give her his best Winchester charm but he’s not as good at it as Dean. He thinks he’s failed, too drunk to function, but the omega, Ruby, takes pity on him. It doesn’t take long to get back to her place and despite Dean always warning him against it, he spends the night with her. It isn’t long before the arrangement becomes a regular thing, numbing his emotions with the drugs she supplies him while riding the high of regular sex with a beautiful woman.
Sam pushes the guilt back from moving on so soon after Jess but its been six months, he’s allowed. An annoying voice whispers he could at least find someone worthy of his time but he shuts that one up, injecting himself with pure bliss and falling back as the room melts into colors yet to be invented.
Wonderful.
One Year Later
Sam checks his watch, wondering when it would be appropriate for him to duck out of this pup shower without being suspicious. Sure, its Dean and Cas’ big day but he didn’t know the event was going to take almost all day and Ruby’s been texting for hours threatening to start the party without him. The last time he ignored a text like that he let himself into her apartment to find she’d used their entire stash, leaving him nothing.
f*ck that.
Checking the time yet again, Sam decides it won’t look too suspicious as he searches for Dean in the crowd to let him know he’s leaving.
“Hey, Sammy, you leaving already?” Dean asks, perched on a seat next to Cas unwrapping gifts.
“Yeah, man. Something came up at the station I didn’t finish paperwork on a case so I gotta run. But I’ll try and pop back in later just in case anything needs to be put together,” Sam promises knowing it’s a lie.
Dean gives him a strange once over before nodding as he makes his departure.
“Thank the gods,” he mumbles to himself, pulling his car out of the driveway and heading straight for Ruby.
*****
“It was never free, Sam. If there’s a place where I can get free drugs let me know,” Ruby snorts a laugh like she didn’t just ruin his entire life.
“I don’t have that kind of money, Rubes,” Sam panics, tabulating his savings and still coming up short, “I don’t even make that much in a year, sh*t!”
“Well, you better find it somewhere because I’m not putting my neck on the line with Lucifer for you. You’re pretty but not that pretty,” She grimaces, smacking him in the chest as she leaves the room to shower.
Sam paces anxiously before a thought comes to his mind, he hates it but if it solves his problem he’ll do it, “Do you think Lucifer would let it slide if I looked out for cases that he might need…taken care of?”
Ruby shouts over the water, “I don’t know but I can ask him, now are you getting in or not?”
He can’t help it if his second addiction is Ruby, he rushes into the bathroom throwing his clothes off along the way.
*****
“Working for me from the inside knocks off $30K from your debt but that still leaves $20K. I’d say you could work that off selling for me on the side, but you can’t be that obvious,” Lucifer purrs, sitting on his ridiculous throne in the mansion the biker gang calls home base.
Sam groans internally, he was trying to keep him out of it but, “I may be able to get the rest from my brother but I need time…this is a huge ask.”
Lucifer peers up at the ceiling in thought before cutting his eyes back to Sam, there’s an underlying cunning that sparks a tingle of fear in him, “It’ll do…for now.”
Sam walks out of the meeting both hopeful and devastated, so much for breaking the crooked cop curse in the family.
*****
Dean corners him a week later, demanding answers.
“You’ve been acting shifty as f*ck, just tell me. I’m your brother it’s okay,” Dean pleads, making things that much harder because he’s being absolutely sincere and Sam’s been lying to him for months now.
But, it’s time for the truth, or at least a partial truth.
“I uh…I got into a bad place after Jess died and I’ve been…using,” Sam admits, watching as Dean damn near drops to the ground in shock, “I was buying from The Fallen and got behind, now I owe them…”
“sh*t, Sammy,” Dean breathes out in a pained gasp, “How much?”
Sam hesitates, wincing as he tells him, “$20,000, they gave me time to get it together but it’s running out and I don’t have it…”
Sam sits for the next hour as Dean details his plans to send him to rehab and get Vic involved so they can get The Fallen off of his back. Essentially exactly what he expected from his big brother. Only problem is, Sam needs Dean to pay without getting Vic involved or he’s done for.
He can work on him for the next few days, hopefully Lucifer will be patient…
****
Sam deletes the latest link Dean sent him for rehab, not even close to wanting to quit, he just needs this money problem resolved.
Needing to speed things along, Sam recruits his partner Brady to call Dean and set up a time to meet the next day. The beta sends that same time to Lucifer letting him know Dean will be at the drop with the money tomorrow.
“And you swear he doesn’t know anything other than you owe me money? Because if you let anything else slip he’s a liability Sam…” Lucifer warns, giving the same threat Sam’s heard before.
“No! He doesn’t know anything more than I’ve told him, I swear,” Sam promises.
It’s not his imagination that he’s finally getting a small glimpse of the man under the flippant act. The alpha they call Satan in whispers around the city for the devilish ways he’s known to take care of those who get in his way.
Sam can’t let Dean be one of those people, this has to go exactly right.
Just to be sure, Sammy makes a call to Dean late that night, hoping his puppy dog eyes are audible and doing their part to grease the wheels. As long as Dean follows the plan he’ll be on his way back to the city to meet Cas for dinner in no time.
*****
The following morning is torturous as the hours tick by to the meeting time, made all the more strange by Lucifer’s last minute request that he and Brady drive one of his cars to the location. Still, not wanting to ruffle his feathers, the beta drives the Charger to the abandoned rail bridge in Missouri where Dean’s supposed to bring the cash.
When he spots his brother, he immediately sees the duffle he’s carrying is too light to contain $20,000 in cash.
sh*t.
All he can do is watch as Lucifer climbs off of his bike, walking to meet Dean in the middle of the bridge where they have words. The wind steals what’s said but he stands to attention when Lucifer reaches back to pull his gun. Sam’s up and out of the Charger within seconds screaming, “Noooooo!”
He watches in horror as his brother takes the bullet, blood drops flying through the brisk air as he falls off of the bridge into the swift river below. Lucifer chuckles menacingly, walking back over and patting a stunned Sam on the back.
“You know it’s your fault, right?” He asks, as though they’re talking about the goddamn weather, “You told him too much so I needed him gone. You can’t possibly believe I give a sh*t about this money?” He asks, punctuating the words by tossing the bag into the river where it’s washed downstream and out of sight in seconds.
“What have I done?” He mumbles to himself, hands gripping his hair as he tugs on it tightly, slumping to the dusty ground shaking with sobs.
Lucifer kicks him lightly, getting his attention with his steel toed boot as he taunts, “You’re too useful to me to let you go that easily, Sammy. Come on, I need you to stash the car while Brady and I take care of something…”
Sam doesn’t move for a moment but Lucifer’s next words get him up and moving without further coercion, “Now! Or my next stop will be his omega and their pup.”
*****
Vic rushes to his desk, “Cas found Dean, are you coming with us to the hospital?”
“He did what?” Sam asks, hands already shaking in fear as he tries to keep it out of his scent.
The alpha continues with pure excitement written on his face, “Yup, I don’t know more than that but Charlie might. You coming?”
Sam nods absentmindedly, easy lie coming forth, “Yeah, I’ll follow you in my car.”
Instead, he pulls out his burner phone and texts Brady asking if it’s true.
Brady: Yeah. Luce is on the warpath you might wanna watch out. He sent Alex in, had to threaten her sister Claire but if it works it works. She confirmed it’s Dean but he doesn’t remember who he is. Don’t come by the mansion anytime soon, dude.
Sam theorizes lack of memory should mean they’re still safe, easing his guilt and fear with that statement he decides to go about his day like normal. It’s the second worst mistake he’s ever made.
Present
“He kidnapped me assuming I was gonna talk and tried to use me to lure Dean in so he could kill him for good. I’m glad he’s dead and not Dean…” Sam says, eyes a little misty.
Castiel sets his fiery scowl on Sam, tone gone icy as he asks, “Are you kidding me right now?”
Sam hesitates, hazel eyes gone wary as he asks, “What?”
“Years…I spent years trying to get just one f*cking person in this station to believe Dean didn’t abandon me and his pup and you knew all along. What the f*ck is wrong with you, Sam?” the omega asks, not really expecting an answer as he continues, “Sure, blame it on the drugs but…I…I don’t have anything else to say,” Castiel mutters before standing and leaving the room, realizing Sam will never understand the depth of the pain he’s caused.
He’s glad Dean isn’t dead???
Castiel lets a mirthless chuckle trickle out of his mouth before clamping it tightly shut on the sound.
Rounding the corner he finds Vic waiting for him, “I recorded it all, Lucifer may be dead but this information can help take down a lot of dangerous people. Dean’s waiting for you outside…”
Nodding, Castiel heads for the door to the station waving at the friends he passes but avoiding conversation knowing his alpha needs him. When he makes it to the steps he finds Dean perched at the top, head slumped with his elbows resting on his knees. The omega sits down next to him, rubbing slow circles into his lower back and bracing himself against the brisk chill of morning.
“I never expected this…” Dean shares, keeping his head down but turning his emerald eyes on Castiel. “Not from Sammy…this is exactly what I was afraid of…”
He nods, knowing his husband’s referring to their conversation in the backyard hours ago.
Asking the same question as he did earlier, “What do you need, Dean?”
The alpha responds, clinging to Castiel, “Just take me home…”
Chapter 12: Grasping For Hope
Chapter Text
Minutes pass that feel like hours before they roll up to the, now familiar, sight of home.
Home.
Having forgotten the place for so long it’s a comfort in this moment of uncertainty. Dean’s thoughts are interrupted by Charlie speaking up next to him.
“I know you have a lot to…talk about. Just let Anna know I’m waiting out here to take her home,” she says, unable to keep her own sadness from her voice or scent.
Dean pulls her into a lingering hug as Cas pats her shoulder, whether it’s in comfort or thanks he’s not sure. They climb out of her car and march towards the front door hand in hand. Anna must have heard them pull up, walking outside with her purse as they step onto the porch.
“Quinn’s still sleeping,” she reports, giving them both a tight squeeze before heading to Charlie’s car with promises to check on them later.
Cas follows behind him like a zombie as they head inside, locking the door and trudging dazedly up the steps to their bedroom. Dean knows he should at least try to sleep but he’s too wired, luckily his mate seems to be in the same boat. So, after stripping down to boxers they climb into bed and Dean sinks right into Cas’ strong embrace allowing himself to break down once again.
As he weeps, Dean’s stream of thought bursts out of his mouth with a shaky proclamation, “He’s family…” he says, voicing is doubts aloud for the first time.
Cas cuts him off, “So was John but that doesn’t change the way you feel right now or then does it?”
Dean shakes his head, feeling the bloom of guilt in his gut for doing what he knows is the right thing. Still doesn’t stop it from hurting so goddamn much.
“Family can cut you worse than a stranger off of the street, but that doesn’t remove the bond you share, just changes it a little,” his mate pauses, making sure their eyes connect before continuing, “Baby, that doesn’t mean you’re wrong for having boundaries, what Sam did is…maybe with some time…” Cas trails off, kissing the top of Dean’s head as he smoothes his hands down the alpha’s back.
Dean sinks further into the comforts of his love, spilling his emotions to the one person he knows won’t judge him, “But he’s not like John, Cas….” He pauses considering all they’ve learned in less than twenty four hours, Cas having filled he and Charlie in on Sam’s full confession on the ride home.
Well, he wasn’t always like John.
Cas takes a deep breath, letting the air out with a whoosh as he seems to come to a decision, practically echoing Dean’s thoughts as he reluctantly points out, “Isn’t he though, Dean? The only difference is you survived…”
And of course he knows his omega is right but it doesn’t change the hollow feeling growing in his chest, eventually their whispered words shift to mumbles transforming into quiet snores that fill the room as they fall into a fitful sleep full of frightful dreams.
_______________________________________________
Castiel wakes first, feeling less than well rested. The warmth plastered to his back paired with light snores and snuffles swiftly reminds him of the mornings events, bringing him back to reality with a thud. He turns carefully in his mate’s arms, studying Dean for signs of distress before shuffling off to the bathroom to relieve his overfilled bladder.
He’s hit squarely in the chest with a deep feeling of deja vu, pushing the feeling down as he flushes the toilet. The omega’s contemplating a quick shower when his thoughts are interrupted by a voice he was often told he’d never hear again.
Thank the gods they were wrong.
“I begged you for some Mc’Lovin in the shower that morning…” Dean suddenly speaks up from their room, “But you turned me down.” He finishes with a snort of laughter.
Castiel can’t help but roll his eyes at the memory, “Yes, just like you did every morning you had off.” And just as often on the days he didn’t.
Usually his alpha’s antics would end in Castiel being more than a few minutes late and thoroughly satisfied, but not that morning. There were times the omega lamented not just giving in. But not today, Dean’s back, there’s no room for ruminating when they have so much to celebrate. Beaming, he returns to their bed to find his alpha propped up against the headboard. At his reappearance, Dean opens his arms wide for Castiel to snuggle up against him, so he does.
Though the omega wishes they could remain in this moment, there are things that need to be discussed before Quinn makes her presence known. Taking the moment in hand, Castiel gets the ball rolling, turning to set his gaze on his husband as he speaks, “You’ll probably never understand everything we went through to get you back and don’t misunderstand, my love, I’m so very happy to have you back…but…”
Dean cuts him off with a sad smile as he finishes his sentence, “…but there’s some sh*t we gotta talk about, right?”
Castiel returns the smile hoping it isn’t coming across as a grimace but by the shift in Dean’s own features it may have, so the omega rushes to clarify, “Like I said, I’m not mad at you but we need to talk about it…all of it…no more secrets.”
His husband brightens a bit as he nods in agreement, parroting his words, “No more secrets. So what do you wanna know?”
“Why on earth would you think it was a good idea to keep Sam’s drug problem from me?” He asks, tackling his biggest issue first now that all of Dean’s memory has returned. “We tell each other everything…or at least I thought we did…”
Burnt marshmallows and charred wood bloom between them as Dean seems to shrink into himself, “It’s my fault, I didn’t tell you and I should have…”
His own scent shifts dramatically, rotten apples and burnt caramel, as his frustration grows, “I’m not angry with you Dean, just trying to understand how we got here so we don’t make these mistakes in the future. I understand keeping John’s secrets buried to an extent but…”
Dean nods once, immediately calming as he responds, “I guess…at the time I felt like it was Sammy’s business. If he’d wanted you to know he would have come to both of us…but I could have at least given you the heads up something was wrong without all the details, I’m sorry.”
Castiel accepts the apology, “That I can understand but…when things got dangerous why didn’t you tell me then. Or Vic, Benny, Charlie, anyone down at the station?”
“I wanted to but I wasn’t sure who to trust…turns out my instincts were right…” Dean hangs his head, shame filtering through his scent and filling the room.
Castiel won’t allow it, “None of this is your fault, Dean,” he pauses in contemplation before adding, “I think we could all use a session with Dr. Mills, I’ll give her a call at a reasonable hour to set it up.”
The omega’s shocked when his mate doesn’t put up a fight, just nods slowly in acquiescence.
“I…I’m sorry we lost so much time, babe,” Dean whispers brokenly, peridot eyes drowning in an ocean of tears.
Up until that moment, he’d been doing well being the rock for his alpha but the words rip Castiel’s heart into jagged confetti and break down the walls holding back his own pent up emotions as he wails into Dean’s side.
“Always wanted more pups with you, and now…” his alpha’s words cut off with a labored intake of breath before adding, "…I won’t apologize for Ben but I do feel like an asshole for Lisa…” he admits again, his own tears losing the battle with gravity as they drip onto Castiel’s bare shoulder.
Dean’s about a year too late, Castiel having moved past his pup bearing years last July. The omega could never fault Dean for Ben and he’ll love the little pup like he’s his own but his heart breaks for the loss of what could have been. Their dreams of a family of at least five will forever be lost because of the mistakes of others. Still unable to find his words and wracked by sobs, he grips Dean tighter hoping his scent and body language convey his own regrets.
“We…we had a plan and I’m so damn sorry it took so long for me to get on board, but for me…it feels like we were just here talking about what to name Quinn and now it’s just…gone.” He laments, pain flashing across his grass greens.
They comfort each other, releasing built up tears and whispered fears as they tremble together in the silence of early morning.
*****
Eventually, once calmed, the mated pair wander downstairs for coffee and food only to find Quinn’s already on the case.
Two pods of coffee sit waiting next to the Keurig with two mugs. Dean inspects the covered tray on the island to find two plates of eggs, pancakes, sausage, and bacon waiting to be devoured. Castiel finds a note next to the mugs. Hmmm. Dean wanders up behind him, lacing his arms lazily around his waist and pulling him in to read over his shoulder.
“Mmmm, missed this,” he mumbles, leaning into his alpha as the kitchen fills with the scent of happy omega. Turning back to the note, he summarizes, “According to our daughter, she doesn’t sleep as heavily as we think. She texted Charlie to come back and get her so we can have the day to talk but she’s glad her Papa is back for real…” he’s cut off by a dry sob, all out of tears for the time being.
Dean takes over reading from there, though his own words come out with a slight wobble, “‘Glad to have you back, Pops. See you both later. Love, Bug.’ You did an amazing job with her, babe.”
“I did, didn’t I?” Castiel manages to joke, carefully folding the note and putting it into his pocket to put somewhere safe later. He fluffs up at the praise, ignoring the bittersweet twist in his gut at the reminder Dean couldn’t be present during that time.
Dean laughs lightly, shaking his head as he grabs the tray of food, waiting for the last mug of coffee to brew before going back upstairs to the bedroom.
“Breakfast in bed courtesy of my favorite daughter, my gorgeous mate at my side, and coffee just the way I like it…gods am I glad to be home,” Dean says, settling into the bed and getting comfortable.
“Don’t get used to it this is about the only thing Quinn can cook and she usually sleeps in on the weekends past lunch,” Castiel snorts a laugh at Dean’s put out look. “Yup, this is probably a one time ‘my parents need some space’ deal, baby.”
His alpha shrugs, “Still awesome, love you both so much…” he mumbles through a mouthful of a ‘perfect bite’. A little bit of eggs, pancakes, sausage, and bacon on his fork smothered in syrup.
The omega watches as those pink plush lips close around the metal tines dripping with sticky maple syrup wishing to lean over and…
“My eyes are up here, babe,” Dean chuckles, pulling his focus back to his mate’s emerald stare, “…and your food’s getting cold.”
Oh!
Feeling properly embarrassed by his open lust, Castiel forces himself to focus on his own breakfast finding he was more famished than he thought as he devours the food on his plate with gusto.
They’re just finishing up, plates scraped clean and coffee mugs now drained as his alpha gives him a blatant look of interest…when the doorbell rings.
For the love of…
Dean pops up before he can make a move, pulling on a shirt as he says, “I’ll get it, you stay here.”
Castiel just hopes it’s someone they can send away quickly so he can make sure his alpha really remembers him.
_______________________________________________
Dean jogs downstairs praying it isn’t important as he swings the door open to a complete stranger, and this time he can say he truly doesn’t know this man, “Uhmmm, how can I help you?”
“Dean Winchester?” The short beta asks, sizing the alpha up as he waits for an answer.
Reluctantly he nods, “Who’s asking?”
Instead of responding the man drops an envelope at his feet proclaiming, “You’ve been served,” before running down the street and climbing into a small sedan that speeds off down the road.
“f*ck you too, dude,” he sighs, bending to pick up the manila envelope already aware of what he’ll find. Peeking inside his suspicions are confirmed. Lisa’s suing for full custody of Ben. “Just fanf*ckingtastic…”
“What’s wrong, baby?” Cas calls down from the top of the stairs, probably coming to investigate why he’s taking so long.
Dean pinches the bridge of his nose before responding with a beleaguered sigh, “Just got served, Lisa’s suing for full custody of Ben…”
Cas’ face and scent go stormy but his words are a balm to Dean’s raw emotions, “She won’t take him from you, we’ll make sure of it.”
Seeing, even now, that Cas has his back is enough to bolster his nerves. They can do this, together. It’s a lesson he may be learning a bit late but he’s got it now, Cas is his partner, mate, and husband. He’s more than earned the right to stand with Dean in whatever storm he’s facing. The alpha won’t make the mistake of forgetting that ever again.
“Okay,” he nods without hesitation, “What do we do first?”
Within the hour, they’ve both combed through the court documents backwards and forwards coming up with a plan with the help of Charlie and Benny.
“She has you listed here as John Doe, probably hoping you won’t be willing to go against it because of her threats. She’s banking on you not being sure because of the memory loss and not wanting to risk losing Ben automatically because of it,” Charlie points out, more than willing to assist yet again, “But, she doesn’t know your memory’s back. You’ll need to file paperwork correcting your name and letting the courts know you plan to show up for the court date.”
“And once he has a lawyer shouldn’t he have them file a request for a paternity test?” Benny chimes in on the call, “That way she can’t claim he isn’t Ben’s dad…should blow her whole case to smithereens.” The alpha chuckles, not at all feeling bad for taking Lisa down.
Cas nods next to him, “Yes, we should. A friend of Missouri’s has agreed to represent Dean we’ll pass that on to him but I’m sure he’s already thought of it.”
Rufus Turner seems like a hardass with a heart of gold from what Missouri described and he’s apparently damn good at his job working in family law. Dean’s just praying he’s good enough to make sure Lisa can’t run off with his son.
“Okay, I think this’ll work,” Dean admits, finally breathing a sigh of relief. “It has to because I…I can’t…
Cas cuts him off with a chaste kiss that he wouldn’t have hesitated to continue if they weren’t on the phone, “The law isn’t on her side.”
The reminder settles his nerves once more and the call ends shortly after that with a promise from Charlie to bring Quinn back in the morning.
“Come on, I think I saw where you can file those forms online we just have to look up the case in the system,” Cas says, reaching for Dean’s arm to pull him off of the couch and back upstairs.
The next few hours are spent wrangling forms. Printing them out, filling them in, then using the buggiest online system to send them to the clerks so they can be filed and uploaded to the case on Monday. It’s the weekend so it’s not like Mr. Turner will be able to do much in regards to a paternity test but he sends an email anyway letting him know. Job done, they wander back to the bedroom, both plopping back onto the mattress with a thump. Now, he and Cas have a whole lot of time and not much to do with it.
Unless…
The alpha turns onto his side, setting his gaze on his omega not even trying to rein in the arousal slowly filling the room, “Can I cash in that IOU now?”
Cas tilts his head in that way of his that’s always been adorable as hell, cobalt blues firing up as the puzzle pieces click together to form a delightful image by the shift in his scent, one Dean’s eager to make a reality. Finally, his mate responds, “Yes, please.”
In a callback to their first time, Dean edges closer to Cas on the bed planting a soft slow kiss on his lips and allowing it to grow with fiery passion. Encouraged by the noises his love is making, Dean presses in eventually rolling Cas onto his back as he thoroughly explores his mate’s mouth.
Mmmmmm.
The taste of Cas has him on a natural high he never wants to come down from. A flood of memories of past kisses rush through his mind within seconds from their first to their wedding day and the night of their mating to their last the morning everything went to sh*t.
“Never leaving you again,” he murmurs between the sweet slide of lips as he divests Cas of his slick soaked boxers. Cas follows through on removing Deans tented briefs as they both groan in tandem from the sensation of heated skin pressed against hardened flesh.
Cas’ hands explore from his back down to his ass causing goosebumps and shivers through his frame but Dean loves it, unable to resist bucking into his hold as his omega’s slender fingers grip his leaking co*ck.
“Li…f*ck…like that, alpha?” Cas asks, unable to keep the hitch from his words as the alpha’s fingers find his hole sliding in effortlessly.
“Mmmmhmmm,” he responds, taking in Cas’ scent as it deepens and he pumps his digits slowly until they’re dripping in slick.
The alpha trails kisses down Cas’ neck, stopping to lave and suck on his mating bite as his omega moans in encouragement. His mate isn’t so lost to pleasure that he’s forgotten his task, now holding them both in his hand as he sets a quicker pace gripping tight as he swipes a thumb across the tip.
“sh*t, so good,” he can’t help but groan out, licking his way down Cas’ chest in search of his next target.
His omega throws his head back as Dean finds a dusky brown nipple giving it all of his attention as he nips and licks his way across Cas’ chest loving the sounds his omega makes for him.
“Deannnn,” he whines, pulling him back up for a breath stealing kiss, “Need you…”
Dean nods, “I’ve got you,” before wrapping his husbands legs around his waist watching as he slowly pushes his hardened length into Cas’ tight dripping warmth. “f*ck…”
Cas’ sharp intake of breath quickly turns into a lusty moan as the alpha begins to move, taking his omega’s mouth as he thrusts deeply losing himself to the moment. He can already tell this is gonna end far sooner than he’d like but it ain’t like they don’t have all day.
Pulling back he locks eyes, emerald forests meeting crashing waves as Cas moves with him. Pure and unadulterated love bursts in his chest, the feeling reflected back to him making the alpha want to hide. But he remembers at the last moment before ducking into Cas’ shoulder, no more secrets. Instead, he steadies himself, keeping his gaze on his love as he deepens his thrusts until the omega’s own aquamarines damn near roll back into his head, “There, right there, baby. Don’t stop! Alphaaaaa!”
There it is….
Dean quickens his thrusts, focusing on hitting Cas’ prostate every single time pushing his pleasure higher and increasing the sounds of skin slapping skin twin moans and groans before he reluctantly grunts out, “Close, babe…” feeling his org*sm creeping closer as they move together in almost perfect sync.
Cas reels back, cheekily slapping Dean’s ass once, twice, three times as his knot locks and he fills his omega with his release. Cas seems to fall over the edge about the same time, ropes of white spurting messily between them. But Dean could care less as he leans down, kissing his husband deeply and murmuring all the ‘I love you’s’ they’ve missed the past ten years. This time, the tears are born of pure happiness, paving the path into a blissful nap free from any ghosts of the past.
Chapter 13: The Last Stand
Chapter Text
“We’re here,” Cas says, parking outside of the courthouse where the custody hearing’s being held.
It’s been a long few weeks but today’s the day.
“I don’t know if I can go in there…” Dean admits, not ashamed to say it out loud.
Quinn’s at home with Charlie so it’s just him and Cas for the time being. Though he’s sure the rowdy Singer’s won’t be far behind along with the surprise of the morning, Hannah Novak. Dean couldn’t stand the idea his disappearance created a wedge between the siblings and he’s glad to see the beginnings of what looks like a reconciliation between them.
Maybe someday he and Sam…
Dean stops the thought right in its tracks, there are more important things to worry about today and right now the hurt's still too fresh.
He’s brought back to the present moment with a brush of lips from his omega as he murmurs, “Yes you can. For Ben.”
The words do what they’re meant to as Dean returns the kiss before climbing out of the car, steadier than he would have been moments before Cas’ mini intervention. Running a mantra of itsokayitsokayitsokay in his mind all the way up the steps and through the door, Dean feels instant relief when Cas winds their hands together intertwining their fingers. The alpha walks into the assigned courtroom with a faux confidence boosted by Cas’ unflinching support with Rufus, the Singer’s, a Novak, and the rest of their found family trailing behind them in support.
Lisa’s eyes go stone cold from across the room as she surveys their motley crew. Her gaze ticks down to his and Cas’ joined hands and the faces at their backs making it more than obvious her hopes to have isolated him from his friends and family.
Nice try, bitch.
‘Sam Singer' would have spiraled, would have caved to her demands because he didn’t know who he was. That alpha would cling to just about anything to keep from drowning. Dean Winchester isn’t that alpha. With a calm many would say he doesn’t usually possess outside of work, Dean kisses Cas briefly on the cheek before separating to stand at one of the tables in front of the judge with Rufus.
Ready as I’ll ever be.
The bailiff breaks up the chatter in the room, “All rise for the honorable Judge Garth Fitzgerald IV.”
Sounds of scuffling and swishing fabric fill the air as everyone stands to their feet while a slender man walks into the courtroom. The guy looks like his robes are trying to eat him but this isn’t the time for jokes.
Judge Fitzgerald walks up, taking his seat, “You may be seated.”
The same ruffling and groaning of seats ripples through the courtroom as everyone sits back down, then silence rules again.
From there, tons of formalities Dean’s only half aware of occur until it’s time for him to speak for himself.
“Mr. Winchester?” Judge Fitzgerald asks, making sure he has his attention.
Dean responds, internally smacking himself awake, “Yes?”
“I’d like to ask you a few questions,” Judge Fitzgerald starts conversationally, “I read the police reports regarding your disappearance, thoughts and prayers just aren’t enough but I’m sorry anyway.” The little dude’s eyes go all big and sincere so Dean nods thankfully as he continues, “That being said, have all of your memories returned?”
“Yes, they have,” Dean confirms to Lisa’s shocked gasp. “I remember everything as the report states and I’ve been medically cleared to get back to…living my life. I’ll have to re-certify as a nurse to go back to work but I’m already enrolled in the courses. I’ve got my husband back, building a relationship with my first born, redefining what family means to me, you know? All I want is the chance to have my son be a part of that.”
“And you and your husband are on good terms? This hasn’t caused any threats of separation or reason for your housing to become unstable?” The judge continues his questions, making notes as Dean goes on.
“We’re good. Don’t get me wrong we’re in therapy and probably will be for awhile but we’re not in danger of splitting up or of me having to move out,” Dean responds truthfully, not ashamed of needing to talk out the sh*t show of the last ten years with a therapist.
“Good,” Judge Fitzgerald responds absentmindedly as he writes, but the slight smile on his face is telling. “Alright you may sit.”
Dean does so feeling like there should have been more questions or a chance for him to explain things further but if the judge says sit, you sit.
Silence falls across the courtroom as Judge Fitzgerald prepares to pose the same questions he asked Dean to Lisa. The alpha can practically feel Lisa’s steely glare aimed at him, alternating between himself and Cas since they walked into the courtroom hand in hand. He exhales, steadfastly ignoring Lisa, and reaching a hand back for Cas’ hoping to borrow a little of his seemingly unwavering strength. The omega squeezes his hand tightly in return as the tension in the room thickens with potential, dependent on the yet to be decided outcome.
Judge Fitzgerald clears his throat, craning his neck oddly as he speaks, “I did interview Ben, he’s a great little guy. Mr. Fizzles thought so too,” the Judge says before whipping out an honest to god sock puppet. The homemade puppet looks dingy, like it’s seen better days.
Where the hell did he even have that thing?
“He told Mr. Fizzles a secret that’s gonna help me make a very important decision. Isn’t that right, Fizzles?” The judge makes the puppet shake its head yes emphatically before making a frowny face in Lisa’s direction.
The weird little act is just enough to get a small giggle rolling across the room, breaking the tension enough for the judge to continue, “So!” He punctuates with a clap, “Let’s get to it. Ms. Braeden is suing Mr. Winchester for full custody of Ben Braeden reason being Mr. Winchester is assumed by Ms. Braeden to be unstable and incapable of caring for a child. Concerns were also noted regarding Mr. Winchester’s documented memory loss which seems to no longer be a problem as I can see…”
Dean emphatically nods as Mr. Turner agrees with an affirmative grunt. Lisa continues to silently fume as her plan unravels right in front of her.
“…and the issue of paternity has also been resolved, the results of the test Mr. Winchester willingly took have come in. With that being said, looking at the facts of the case from the outside, it’s honestly you Ms. Braeden that doesn’t seem to have a stable home environment and ability to care for your child. Where do you currently live?”
Confusion morphs to horror when the questions get turned back on her so quickly, Lisa looks to her lawyer who nods for her to answer. Shakily, she responds, “The home Sam…I mean Dean,” grimacing as though his name disgusts her, she continues, “and I rented wasn’t something I could maintain alone, we’ve been staying with a friend but my plans are to move back to Missouri. I can make more there to support myself and Ben away from Sam…I’m sorry I meant Dean.”
Hushed whispers grow behind him and he catches a partial ‘just let me at her one good time, ma!’ before the judge calls for order and someone manages to shut Jo up. Dean can’t help but shake his head and smile, Lisa can’t hurt him, not with his entire family at his back.
The judge scoffs, “Ms. Braeden I have absolutely no cause to grant you sole custody of little Ben based off of what you’ve presented here today. Mr. Winchester has strong ties to this community, a stable home environment for his sons visits, and employment he already has plans to return to once cleared to do so,” shaking his head, the judge continues, “For these reasons, I deny your request for full custody of Ben Braeden. You will maintain shared custody with a schedule both you and Mr. Winchester will work out, if you’re unable to agree on a schedule the court will decide for you. Neither of you can move out of state with the child without the permission of this court. Financial responsibility for Ben falls on the parent who has physical custody of him at that time.”
With that, the judge bangs his little gavel and Dean’s world rights itself, colors regain their brightness, sound returns in full force.
“We did it,” he whispers at first, turning to face his husband, “We did it!” He finally shouts, pulling Cas into his arms and squeezing his mate as tight as he can.
“We did,” Cas responds, pulling back to reveal a beaming smile complete with crinkly sapphire eyes of joy.
Rufus huffs, “I’d think your lawyer had more than a little to do with it. So,” he eyes them both with a clap of his hands, “who’s treating me to a glass or two of Johnny Walker Blue? I deserve it after dealing with that woman and her lawyer…”
Speaking of, Lisa and her lawyer try to weasel past but Rufus snakes a hand out halting them both.
“Your client needs to work out a schedule for visitation with mine,” he reminds them, though Dean’s sure they’re both well aware.
“I’ll bring him by in the morning, he can spend the night. We can figure out the rest from there,” Lisa spits out before scurrying out of the room, eyes looking suspiciously wet.
Jo tracks her departure with a murderous glare, only held back from making another comment by Ellen’s stern eyes trained on her every move.
“What happens if she leaves the state with Ben anyway?” Cas asks, ever the practical ‘wanting to know the what if’s’ guy.
“Dean could go after her for parental kidnapping,” Rufus states simply with a shrug. “I’d hope she isn’t that stupid.”
Dean doesn’t like the cold dread climbing up his spine at the thought and it starts to turn his scent sour so he changes the subject, “I think we should all go out to dinner to celebrate, what do you say?”
Cas turns to him, instantly distracted at the mention of food as he nods rapidly in agreement. Court was in session for a few hours and none of them could stomach breakfast.
“Got any place around here like The Roadhouse?” Ellen asks as they make their way back outside.
“There’s a little place by the hospital,” Dean offers, knowing it isn’t quite like Ellen’s diner but it’ll do.
Cas adds, “Follow us over there, I’ll text Charlie to bring Quinn and join us.”
As they climb into the car Dean snorts, “Good maybe this will get her to thaw a little. It should be self explanatory why she couldn’t come today.” He finishes with a sigh and shake of his head.
“You know what it is,” Cas says as Dean tries his best to distract him with tiny kisses across his knuckles.
Cas nudges him away playfully as he gives his entire focus to pulling out of the parking lot and leading their makeshift caravan to food.
“What?” The alpha asks, brow raised in question as he chances a glance at his husband before looking back to the road ahead.
Cas snorts in disbelief, “Seriously? It’s you, love. She missed you and even boring old court sounds like a day at the mall if she gets to be with you.” He sighs mock wistfully as he says, "She’s a Papa’s girl now, my time has ended.”
“Somebody’s jellyyyyy,” Dean singsongs knowing it’ll annoy his mate but needing to fall back into their old patterns, it’s the best way to start letting all this angsty sh*t go.
Cas rolls his eyes but there’s a glint of affection hiding in his cerulean glare, deep deep down.
It gets quiet in the car as they pass familiar landmarks and Dean drives down the street for the first time in weeks without needing GPS, then Cas breaks the silence.
“Y-you know…” he hesitates, contemplating before he continues, “I don’t think I could ever be jealous of your connection with Quinn. I’ve had her all to myself for ten years, I’m just glad she gets to have this with you now…I don’t know if I’m making sense…” he trails off, chuckling wetly with tears dripping down his face.
Dean quickly reassures him, reaching over to help wipe a few away, “No, I get it, love. I do. I know exactly what you mean and I love you for it.” The words end on a strangled whisper as emotions get the best of him too.
Everyone pretends not to notice when they exit Baby with red rimmed eyes and damp cheeks.
*****
Lisa shows up right on time with Ben and all of his things the next morning. Dean greets her at the door as he passes off Ben’s bags to Cas. Quinn immediately bounds over to take her, still novel, little brother to play in the living room.
“Thanks, princess,” he murmurs, kissing the top of her head before she walks away carrying a squirmy two year old demanding to be put down leaving him in an awkward silence with Lisa.
“You look different,” She finally speaks, “I see it now…you carry yourself differently, more confident. It’s a shame I didn’t meet this version of you.” Her eyes travel up and down his body hungrily in a way that used to light him up but now it feels invasive and dirty.
Dean internally rolls his eyes, figures she’d find a way to make his recovery about her.
The alpha sets out to correct any remaining delusions Lisa may be holding onto, “This ‘version’ of me never would have gotten involved with you, Lis. This ‘version’ of me is happily married and mated. I wouldn’t have looked at you twice, sorry to break it to you.” Pausing, he calms down a bit before continuing at a more reasonable volume, “My lawyer recommended since Ben is so young we stick to him having more of a semi permanent home with visitation on weekends for one of us…” he hesitates before asking, “is this gonna be a fight?”
Lisa looks fit to burst but the words that come out of her mouth don’t align with her scent, so much so that it’s slightly alarming. Her brow furrows and her mouth pinches as she says, “Sure, we need to do what’s best for Ben. And I assume you’d like to be the ‘semi-permanent home’ with my visitations on weekends?”
At his nod the omega scoffs, blowing out a whoosh of air as she struggles with the information. Still her response doesn’t match her demeanor or scent, “Fine…that’s fine. I’ll be back for him this weekend.”
Dean nods dazedly, not sure if he should celebrate getting his way just yet. It all seems a bit too easy. The alpha watches as she pulls off still feeling uneasy but gleeful whispers and delighted giggles pull him back inside not wanting to miss another moment of his children playing together, of Cas bonding with Ben.
Once inside he’s met by an interesting sight. Quinn leading Cas and Ben in some sort of makeshift parade with cookware for instruments.
“Daddy!” Ben shouts, stumbling a bit before Cas grabs his tiny hand to keep him upright. “Come play!”
The sight warms his heart and stops him cold in his tracks watching his family from the doorway, the scent of happy omega and pups invading every inch of the space.
“Yeah, Papa the game’s called ‘keep Ben distracted while the adults talk’,” Quinn chimes in with a wonky attempt at a wink.
Dean snorts a laugh, “You get your subtlety from your Dad along with that funky wink,” laughing at her gasp of indignation, the alpha adds, “hand me a pot I guess.”
And that’s how they spend the rest of the morning until Ben tires himself out, falling asleep on the couch for a nap still holding the handle of his pot drum and drooling on a throw pillow.
“Are all kids this easily entertained?” Dean asks in a hushed whisper, still amused at the bags of toys Lisa dropped off with Ben sitting undisturbed by the door having been so easily replaced by kitchen utensils and pots.
Dean can't really remember how Sammy was at this age and he doesn't quite feel like trying to at the moment either.
Cas nods his head slowly saving him from his mini spiral as he responds with a soft smile at the memory, “Quinn loved boxes. Give this girl a box and she’d be entertained for hours. Kind of like a cat, I guess.” He turns a teasing smirk her way and gets a throw pillow to the chest for his troubles.
“Explains my cat like tendencies, thanks Dad,” Quinn gripes jokingly from her position sprawled across the living room floor, now out of pillow projectiles and silently pleading for mercy.
Cas sits the pillow on the couch but within easy reach causing Dean to chuckle at their antics.
“What are we doing about that anyway? Ben calls you Dad and Quinn calls me Dad…kinda confusing if you’re half asleep and you don’t know who’s calling and for what.” Cas points out with a chuckle.
“Huh. I hadn’t even thought about that…but…does it really have to be confusing? If Ben calls you Papa it kinda cancels itself out…right?” Dean’s face furrows up in deep thought making Quinn and Cas outright laugh at him. “Ha ha ha, you’re both hilarious.”
Once Cas gets himself under control he somewhat agrees, “I don’t know about ‘canceling’ anything out but you do have a point. You’re Papa to Quinn and Dad to Ben and I’m Dad to Quinn and…Pa-Papa to Ben.” The omega’s voice cracks at the end of the sentence highlighting the underlying emotion being given that title so suddenly appears to have dug up. “Only difference is Ben also has a mom. How did that go by the way?” Cas asks, glancing at Quinn then back to Dean as he sneakily wipes at his eyes.
Dean sees it for what it is, the topic of pups is still a sore one they’ll be working through with Dr. Mills for a while to come, but the presence of Ben is poking and prodding at those walls Cas has tried to keep up around the subject. They’ll need to have a talk and make sure this new shift won’t be triggering but if earlier’s display is any indication Cas and Ben will be just fine given time. Still, he’ll allow his husband the out to change the subject, and honestly nothing that was said needs to be hidden from Quinn anyway.
“We agreed to Ben being here semi full time with visitation for her on the weekends. It was odd, I expected more of a fight but she just agreed, said she would be by this weekend to pick him up and left.” Dean says, falling back into the feeling of unease that gripped him earlier on the porch. “Am I the one being weird or does that seem off?”
“Maybe she decided to be nice for a change?” Quinn offers with the sarcasm of a preteen and the grin to match.
Dean glares at her playfully, pointing as he jokes, “Alrighty chuckles that’s enough from you.”
The alpha sees it the minute Cas realizes what he can’t quite connect the dots on himself. He watches the omega stand to stride quickly over to Ben’s mound of bags by the front door. Cas mutters to himself, words Dean can’t quite make out, as he searches through the bags before standing, running a hand repeatedly through his raven locks with a wide eyed thousand mile stare.
“Babe, what’s wrong?” Dean asks, alarmed by the shift in behavior. Quinn looks just as concerned, drifting closer to find out what’s going on.
Finally, after a few deep breaths and apologies for scaring Quinn, Cas divulges what he’s deduced, “If you just told her Ben’s going to stay here the majority of the time and she brought him over today for the night, why was he packed for what looks like months? Why do some of these bags contain important documents we’d need if we had full custody? What if she….”
“…has no plans of coming back at all.” Dean finishes his sentence, astonished as he watches blurred bits pull into bright focus. “She’s abandoning Ben.”
![Undertow - subzeroflame1216 - Supernatural (TV 2005) [Archive of Our Own] (2024)](data:image/png;base64,iVBORw0KGgoAAAANSUhEUgAAAAEAAAABCAQAAAC1HAwCAAAAC0lEQVR42mP8/h8AAvMB+NzmkbcAAAAASUVORK5CYII=)